Go Back   UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com > Search Forums
User Name  
Password
Search:

Showing results 1 to 15 of 15
Search took 0.06 seconds.
Search: Posts Made By: jaybearch
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-05-2013, 07:36 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 359
Posted By jaybearch
Agreed with culex, it almost reads to me like...

Agreed with culex, it almost reads to me like you're going to continue the poem after that line, I'm not quite sure what it adds. I also don't like the 'dead on arrival' part, it didn't seem to work...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-01-2013, 03:47 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 355
Posted By jaybearch
I really enjoyed this just because even though...

I really enjoyed this just because even though the pain is over not making it to the top, this is easily translated into any endeavor in life. in fact, the only stanza I didn't like was the first, it...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-29-2013, 02:58 PM
Replies: 14
Views: 780
Posted By jaybearch
I can't even.. thank you guys so much

I can't even.. thank you guys so much
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-28-2013, 10:14 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 226
Posted By jaybearch
I like the first four stanzas, and I like the...

I like the first four stanzas, and I like the last two stanzas. I'm not quite sure if I like them together, though. You have this wonderful minimal phrase in your third stanza, and the fifth feels...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-28-2013, 04:24 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 233
Posted By jaybearch
never crossed lovers

We lived in a space between now and then
held in tenderness of when

if
feeling left alone
with grace of God
embraced your bones

times wonít hold the wills of if
not when it takes your soul...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-28-2013, 03:03 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 183
Posted By jaybearch
great image, not a whole lot to say. nice job.

great image, not a whole lot to say. nice job.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-28-2013, 02:50 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 272
Posted By jaybearch
I always have trouble reading these because 99%...

I always have trouble reading these because 99% of the time I mess up the flow and then say it needs to be fixed, so I'm just gonna look at the lyrics..

I feel like this could stand alone without...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-28-2013, 02:45 AM
Replies: 8
Views: 864
Posted By jaybearch
Agreed with Seventh Angel on the mushroom cloud,...

Agreed with Seventh Angel on the mushroom cloud, it seems kind of blunt when you look at the rest of the piece. And as for the 'killed it with my bare hands', I liked the idea, but maybe you could go...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-28-2013, 02:41 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 295
Posted By jaybearch
I'm not sure how I feel about the continuity of...

I'm not sure how I feel about the continuity of the last three lines, I feel like the beginning of the second stanza hits harder because of the stops. Also not quite sure about the 'I almost did it....
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-28-2013, 02:36 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 472
Posted By jaybearch
I loved the different sort of beauty you gave to...

I loved the different sort of beauty you gave to being tired. wonderful.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-25-2013, 04:18 AM
Replies: 14
Views: 780
Posted By jaybearch
wow, thanks you guys <3

wow, thanks you guys <3
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-23-2013, 03:44 PM
Replies: 14
Views: 780
Posted By jaybearch
Writing of the Week - to feel small (OTS)

perspective:
to dream & then
blink
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-19-2013, 04:28 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 410
Posted By jaybearch
I liked this a lot, mainly because of how much...

I liked this a lot, mainly because of how much you fit thematically into 6 lines. I feel with the small word count, though, words like 'but' and 'because' detract from the poem more than they would...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-19-2013, 04:17 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 520
Posted By jaybearch
Hey there, I enjoy what you've got started with...

Hey there, I enjoy what you've got started with this piece! I like the way you set up your second stanza, it was very straightforward but it wasn't too blunt as to take me out of the poem. Also, I...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-19-2013, 04:07 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 263
Posted By jaybearch
and yet we broke

the glassiest birds
hang from your fingers

Ďdonít breathe faster,
donít perspire.
itís only us.í
Showing results 1 to 15 of 15

 
Forum Jump

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:51 PM.

Forum Archives / About / Terms of Use / Advertise / Contact / Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2014
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.