Originally Posted by Zephyr Zylöz

First piece in a while, dunno where I'm going with it, but anyway, C4C of course, have fun with it!


Starlight Over Tainted Gold

Moonlight tickles faces of gold,
Writ in silver words of old,
I liked the use of 'gold' and 'silver' here.
Turning god to a faithless soul,
Beneath the world, such mourning

The earth a mass of hate,
A dying faith,
rhythm is strange here. To me, at least.
Hopelessness suppressed all but one,
Said morn star, the fallen one.
by 'morn', you mean morning, yes? or mourn?

Light up the night,
Angels and starlight,
Sing fears aloud,
Moored down in pride.
This whole stanza was great. The juxtaposition of 'Light up' and 'Moored down' was well crafted.

So we pass on by,
Our dreams have died,
Oh, sing aloud,
Oh, dream aloud.
A little weaker than the previous content. if dreams have died, how can we dream aloud? Sorry thats kinda nit-picky

And so our demons dance,
Beneath the trees, tasting our fears,
I like this a lot, but 'beneath the trees' isn't my favorite "location" so to speak. A more metaphorical place in regard to people would be more powerful, IMO.
Gold to their tongues,
Standing in starlight, dancing in dreams.
Great ending.