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Old 05-13-2009, 11:11 PM   #1
gnomieowns
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Iron Sun [Hardrock/Metal - GP5] C4C

hey guys, i've got another song! this one's hard rockish, maybe even metal, depending on vocals implemented at a later time. it's in 6/8 for most of the song but the clean parts are alternating between 7/8 and 6/8 - came up with that beat in my head and kinda based the rest of the song around it.

i particularly want crits on intro and transitions between intro/main song, solo (long enough? good?), and overall feel of the song. c4c as always. thanks guys!

EDIT: NEW VERSION BELOW!
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File Type: gp5 Iron Sun.gp5 (49.7 KB, 132 views)
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Last edited by gnomieowns : 05-14-2009 at 11:03 PM.
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Old 05-14-2009, 04:32 AM   #2
dontbestupid47
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cool progression, i would love to hear it with vocals. Solo was short and sweet, good luck playing that too lol. Such a unique mood! What would you call that? If i had to guess, i would say a picnic gone wrong via hurricane and killer pigeons, thats what the chorus reminded me of. Cool tune man. The 7/8 6/8 riff worked great by the way. My only complaint would be to expand the solo. Other than that, i have never really encountered such a mood in a song, so cool, 9/10 great job
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Old 05-14-2009, 06:27 PM   #3
gnomieowns
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don't have to be able to play it to write it.
i'll work on elongating the solo. did you have a particular song you wanted me to crit?
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Old 05-14-2009, 07:33 PM   #4
A Rock Bassist
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I liked it a lot, apart from the guitar solo and that awfully high harmonic afterwards that felt like it was going to pierce my eardrum. Aside from that, I really liked the piece as a whole and the 7/8 6/8 transistions worked fluidly.

For each thing I liked, there was something else I didn't like as much. The gaps between each section weren't really needed, they seemed to break the flow of the song a bit. However, the individual sections all worked well together, apart from perhaps the Post-Chorus which I felt was a little out of place.

Altogether a very solid piece, and with a bit of work it could be a great piece. A solid 8/10.

C4C either of mine? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...d.php?t=1123915 or http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...d.php?t=1125620 I don't mind which one.
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Old 05-14-2009, 09:16 PM   #5
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You know, I'm always hesitant about listening to anything with any kind of "metal" label on it, because let's face it this board is 90% metal, and 90% of that all sounds exactly the same. Upon seeing the rampant time sig changes I was tempted to not even bother listening.

Anyway, I'm glad I did, and thank you for not meeting my expectations

Intro:
The drums were fantastic, and the clean guitar sounded great. The time changes weren't the least bit annoying or cumbersome like I've grown to expect.

Chorus

Awesome riff, and those powerchords just sounded huge. I'm curious as to why those hammer-ons sounded like harmonics, but either way it was a really cool effect.

Verse

Great feel great drums, and I liked that you brought the guitars down a bit.

Post Chorus

Where'd this come from? Totally unexpected and incredibly cool. It could have almost gone for a little bit longer though, it just felt like it came and went so quickly. Oh and the Bell Tree... Awesome.

Seeing that interlude reappear was cool, just the right time too. Great little pause right before the bridge too.

Solo was great, but as mentioned before a little short. I'd put something in the middle part just before the wild sweeping. (which is actually quite playable if you changed the transitions a tad)

The outro was kinda weak though. This kinda song feels like it should go out with a massively huge outro instead of the slow fadeout. Something like the big powerchords you've got in the chorus, but even more massive.

But anyway, fantastic song, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
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Old 05-14-2009, 11:01 PM   #6
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alright, i've added a tad more to the solo (harmonizing ftw!) and some other odds and ends like reverb, tweaked bass and drums a hair.

i also decided to keep the fade out intro because it just seems more... natural to me.
at this point all i really need is critz on the solo and any other spots that might feel "odd".

thanks guys.
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Maybe she did porn and she doesn't want you finding her naked on the web.
Who knows? You might have fapped to your mother already...

C4C
Nu-Klear Fusion
Iron Sun
Several Covers
¿Como te s?
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Old 05-18-2009, 01:03 AM   #7
randomthought9
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for the intro, i like the drum beat. very nice. i like the guitar riff too. i don't know if i liked the bassline though. it was cool when everything disappeared, and it was just the drums. i think if you wanted to go the minimalist route, you could build something really cool based on that.

i wasn't expecting the chorus to come, but the chorus is very strong. very good riff, i like the chord progression. nice work!

i liked the verse. again cool drum beat. i liked the rhythm, and the triangle was really cool. the guitar was good.

the post chorus was cool. it kinda felt weird how the drums stopped and started though going to the fill.

it was cool to hear that intro again. i think you can put a drum fill on bar 78 if you want to, instead of silence.

the bridge was pretty cool. i liked it. good drums again.

i liked the solo. it was pretty short, but i mean a lot of parts in this song are short, so it fits.

i think you could have just ended on bar 117 though. but like i said, i like those drums.

this song was good though. it felt pretty fresh, and unique. i really liked it.
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Old 05-18-2009, 05:28 PM   #8
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I was always sceptical towards drop A tuning... it's just a semitone too low for me, and stuff starts turning too murky. but there's a few songs that manage to utilize the tuning and come away the winner. this is one of them - you manage to write some cool, powerful riffs, and round them off with nice, passably memorable melodies. I can actually remember the chorus now, so it's good the intro with the odd time sigs was pretty catchy in a weird, weird way... and I like the way you reuse the theme throughout the song. I kind of hoped for a distorted extension of it, some sort of chunky riffy take on the thing. not there. aww. anyway, you do have a certain problem - your transitions are bad at times. kick out post-chorus and the post-interlude bridge right now - they are bad, and your knack of ending on a chord at the exact wrong time knocks the song kind of off balance. the solo is rather shreddy, but does have a melody. if you have to drown yourself in technical self-indulgence, at least you threw a bit of melody our way before.

summing up - neat tune, with some cool odd time sig usage, a powerful chorus, and some dreadful transition work and a weaker riff or two. the solo is good at what it's at too.

7/10
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Old 05-19-2009, 08:43 PM   #9
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I think a lot of the riffs were pretty unoriginal and boring. The chorus melody and the clean bits were fantastic though. Very enjoyable and memorable. I think the best part of this song is the drums. They were quite complex, but instead of demanding all the attention, they just added so much to the texture of the song.
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Old 05-20-2009, 09:31 AM   #10
Nose Spray
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The best things with this song was to me; the drums! Really cool.. they are pretty complicated and still fit with the song perfectly! really good job on them..
So yeahh.. the transiontion between the intro and the main song does work!
The 6/8 and 7/8 sounds kinda wierd but that doesn't have to be a bad thing because its very original.. wierd but not bad! The chorus is good.. I like the riff there!
About the solo; It's good I think and fits with the song except maybe that It's a bit too fast! I think it would sound better if you slowed it down a notch.. just my opinion.. umm Also the fade out drum outro is something I really liked with the song! You should defenitly keep that.. Cool feeling song 7.5/10 because its originality + the nice drums !! good job dude!

Also, would you please crit mine when you have time?
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...d.php?t=1128851
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