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Old 07-25-2010, 05:38 AM   #1
zakatak9389
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Lightbulb Swallowed by the Sky [tech/melodic/progressive] gp4 gp5 midi

Hey all, so this is my latest creation and I've got to say I'm pretty proud of it. I originally started out with the intention of just writing a short little 4 minute tech metal song, but as always, I got carried away and it ended up being about 6 and a half minutes haha. I tried experimenting with some electronic drummin ideas as well as creating more intricate riffs. So yeah, hope you enjoy and please give any feedback you can, be it positive or negative I'll also do c4c when I have time if you actually leave a crit
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Old 07-25-2010, 05:50 AM   #2
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I really loved the song, had a really nice atmosphere and really pleasant to listen to. Liked your incorperation of the electronic drum, reminded me a bit off Animals As Leaders at sometime, but easier on the ears. Only thing that I didn't really like was the Bar 145 Chord change thing, that didn't really flow for me. Really liked the bit of solo over the Full Break. I just really liked the whole thing, not much to comment, it's just awesome.
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Old 07-25-2010, 06:22 AM   #3
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Incredible! :O
It's amazing!
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Old 07-25-2010, 10:04 AM   #4
Yachar
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You are right to be proud over such a work ofc.

A very impressive composition. The strongest part is naturally the very advanced use of complex, jazzy harmonies. The only thing that is lacking, I guess, is the absence of clear themes, but this does not cripple the style of music you were going for at all I guess. Structurally perhaps a tad incoherent, but nevertheless with a very, very good flow and kept me interested throughout. Two thumbs up, my good sir. And I hope to hear more of your music in the future.
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Old 07-25-2010, 11:45 AM   #5
UneasyHearts
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Enter the PHC competition. Please. lol. Take out some of the techy / metal corey stuff. and just go for it. I've always been fond of your pieces they seem like a very advanced form of downtown battle mountain songs by DGD. just please try out in the competition. I think it'd give someone with your ability the incentive to write some sort of masterpiece. Amazing piece. No real flaw but I think some of your pieces could use a more identifiable and memorable chorus. So while you are awing your audience in the moments of your verses it'll all build up to these beautiful chanting chorus that would probably make a concert experience with this music. Unforgetable. I've never said this to you before out of the fear of sounding like a kiss ass but you are truly my favorite writer on this forum. Even if its not your intention you write some amazing jazz and post-hardcore fusions.
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Old 07-25-2010, 12:10 PM   #6
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I love it but I must say. Those are some crazy bar chords that I'm going to be trying out lol.

I love the solo. I always wanted to write like that. Do more fusion shit dude. This one is a big influencer.
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Old 07-25-2010, 06:10 PM   #7
slayerfrk
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one of the best song writers on UG? i cant give a good enough crit, i loved it
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Old 07-25-2010, 08:09 PM   #8
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Those chords must be a pain in the ass. :p

I was a bout to crit the whole song, step by step, but I realised that I only disliked two things.

Electro and the outro. I liked the first electro drums in "mini break", but here I find them too fast paced.

9.5/10
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Old 07-25-2010, 08:34 PM   #9
Burning_Angel
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-yawn-
As usual, filled with the requisite few 'you're amazing' crits.

But anywho. This song is far better than Abiogenesis 1 or 2 [yes I listened to them. ]. Actually, one of your better ones in recent memory.

It's technical, without reducing itself to wank. It's memorable, too. The melodies are as juicy as ever. Your use of chords grows ever more interesting it seems to me. I LOVE the chords used throughout this song. Especially in the intro/main riff thing.

Solaris was really cool. Despite the stop starty ness. The chorusy thing was lovely. Lov.el.y. Groove tech with the octave lead was really cool too. More interesting than your average octave melody.

I do wish in the re-intro with piano, the piano would be louder/more prominent. It'd add more that way I think [although later on when it comes back one more time, with more piano, that's more like it xD]. And I also wish throughout that the Rhodes would do more. The rhodes just adds such an ethereal, awesome atmosphere, and you use it really well...

The solo is perhaps the best part of the song. The chords backing are great, and the solo itself is really melodic/tasteful, as a whole. It builds up nicely to the fast, technical stuff.

The clean breaks after, with piano are pretty brilliant too though...

And I disagree about the electronic parts with the above post. I think they're cool... they remind me of Ulver a little bit. Which is awesome.

Only issue I really have with it, is the slap bass... It gets a bit invasive in parts/seems a bit too loud for such an otherwise ethereal song. Especially in the beginning, or places where it's mostly guitars, drums, and bass, without so much else going on.

But yeah. Sorry I couldn't give a better crit. I said what I could. If you can/if you'd be so kind could you crit one of my new ones? I think 'new 3' would be more to your liking in my new thread thingy...
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Old 07-26-2010, 08:42 AM   #10
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You'd better record this because I'm not going to rest until I get the album.
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Old 07-26-2010, 02:32 PM   #11
DiminishedFifth
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I don't even feel like writing songs anymore because I know I will never be able to write such a masterpiece

I'll go ahead and say the bad stuff (there's not many) cause everything else is perfect.

I listened to it with the Slap Bass and with the normal Bass and I think the normal Bass sounds much better. Granted, I'm not a fan of slap bass on GP (except sometimes), it just doesn't sound good for a whole song to me.

The solo doesn't seem like your best to me either. The delay effect is too strong I'd say, and everything gets muddied a bit. Maybe lower the volume on the delay? I did think the solo was much more enjoyable during "Full Break" though. I did NOT want it to end where it did... I was very disappointed.

I do have to ask... how did you get the snare rolls to fade while everything else doesn't without having to go to the mix table?

9.5/10

Wonderful piece. Brilliant cleans, as always. We need to collab (not so my songs can be as good as yours >> )!
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Old 07-26-2010, 02:52 PM   #12
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Dude, sweet stuff here.

I'm afraid I don't know enough about composition to critique this, but I do like to think I have good taste in music and this sounds great to my ear.

Couple things I like a lot...
- Your choice of chord voicing is great. You demonstrate a great knowledge of harmony and chord construction.
- Rhythms are crunchy: +5
- Song doesn't seem to stay in one place too long: +5 for spontaneity

Awesome job man, I'd love to hear this with actual instruments.

EDIT: Oh, the title made me think of this pic.
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Old 07-27-2010, 12:06 AM   #13
Mean Mr Mustard
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Originally Posted by DiminishedFifth

I do have to ask... how did you get the snare rolls to fade while everything else doesn't without having to go to the mix table?

He changed the dynamic from 'forte" to "mezzo forte" to mezzo piano" etc. (click a note and then look at the dynamic menu, the ppp pp p mp mf f ff fff thing)
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Old 07-28-2010, 12:44 PM   #14
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Damn! It,s really beautiful! Huh, I don't regred about registering this forum)

Listen, how long are you composing this track? Looks like it's a professional work.
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Old 07-31-2010, 12:10 AM   #15
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^^haha thanks a lot for all the feedback everyone, I really appreciate it, and as always burning angel I can count on you to be nice and critical haha; I'll be sure to return your crit soon.

@DiminishedFifth: sorry the solo ended where it did haha, it's just that I wanted to kind of wind it down and cut out for the break so the ambient synthy stuff could take over, I might consider adding some more to it though.

@Frank_2022: As for how long this took to complete, it was about a month and a half or so from start to finish.
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Old 07-31-2010, 12:16 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zakatak9389
@DiminishedFifth: sorry the solo ended where it did haha, it's just that I wanted to kind of wind it down and cut out for the break so the ambient synthy stuff could take over, I might consider adding some more to it though.

What I think you could do that would be good is do the solo for a couple bars more (4 or so?) and then repeat the ambienty stuff after the solo ended.

I have a song to crit now!
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Old 07-31-2010, 12:22 AM   #17
Burning_Angel
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Originally Posted by zakatak9389
^^haha thanks a lot for all the feedback everyone, I really appreciate it, and as always burning angel I can count on you to be nice and critical haha; I'll be sure to return your crit soon.

Well I figure what's the point of posting a song if you don't want some feedback? You deserve at least me trying to say something constructive/fix stuff here and there. [even if a lot of times, it's quite impossible.]
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