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Old 05-10-2011, 12:21 AM   #1
Rocks ur Life
UG's *something clever*
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Join Date: Jan 2009
They say Two is Better than One, But These Two Are Far Too Different.

I remember the days when
we would sit on the grass
and talk about the nothing
that made us complete

Our souls were together
at peace with the world
around, and the sound
of the wind would whisper
to us of our fortune and grace.

The sun beating down
was soon replaced by the storm,
our hearts would soon wander,
desperate and alone

What did I do to deserve
someone like you, your
mind spoke to mine as one
but, where did that all go?

Honestly, my life is so
much different now, you
and I are different people,
but I will always cherish
the memories of the grass,
and those long drives we took,
and of the two of us as one.

Originally Posted by Nimbus456
Once your ass is caloused, everything's fine.

Bottle your Emotions in an Empty Dos Equis- new song
Bro[/]ken- yet another song
They Say Two are Better Than One...
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Old 05-11-2011, 05:30 PM   #2
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: ireland
I'm useless at the whole critique thing but I really liked this, the subject of your poem/song is really easy to make cheesy but I think you pulled it off well, I understood what you were saying and it was just a nice read, good work!
when irish eyes are smiling, you've had to too much to drink cus eyes dont smile, mouths do
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Old 06-08-2011, 01:39 PM   #3
UG's Country Princess
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: California
I agree with the post above. The subject matter was in danger of being cliche, but you walked the line well. Good stuff!
Help a fellow songwriter with your feedback (C4C):
-Little Girl-

-Hey Beautiful-

-Things Happen (OTS)-
-Untitled WIP 11/13/11
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