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Old 05-24-2011, 10:03 PM   #1
Tarbosh
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Baron of Fog, progressive death metal [C4C]

Well, I'm finally unbanned. Got banned last month for a ridiculously stupid reason, but I won't get into that. Here's what I've been working on in that time. It's a prog death metal song influenced a whole lot by Opeth, but it also has my own stylistic tendencies as well. I used to copy Opeth's style all the time, and it has been a year or so since I had moved away from that. I decided to do one last song like that but with the knowledge and experience I have now to see how it would turn out. I guess to kind of bring that chapter of my development to a close. So, here it is.

Oh yeah, and I wrote lyrics. They're in there too.

C4C, of course, just leave a link and I'll crit it, don't expect me to go and look for something to crit unless it's in your sig.

Hope you like it.
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Old 05-24-2011, 10:15 PM   #2
amonamarthmetal
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why did you get banned?
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Old 05-24-2011, 10:20 PM   #3
Tarbosh
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For agreeing with a post that was "spam". Apparently that makes my post spam as well. So I was banned. But do you think you could have asked that question along with a crit?
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Old 05-24-2011, 10:26 PM   #4
guitar_jew
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Good to have you back!

Never really listened much to Opeth, but between this, and The Faceless' new song being relentlessly compared to them, I might have to check them out. No shittles, this is really good. The whole atmosphere and vibe, along with GREAT chord usage has made for a unique (maybe not, since you admit it was very Opeth-inspired, but unique for me) and memorable prog-death experience.

Two thumbs up from the Jew boy!

C4C? Post Hardcore piece

There's also a work in progress on the front page, but I'd prefer to let that fall off the forums until I finish it, but I'd appreciate a look on that, too. If you don't have time the one linked there will more than suffice.
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Old 05-31-2011, 04:48 PM   #5
Rokkstar
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Very Banjo Kazooie...For some reason. :> I love it.

Returning the critique for your Thrash Metalcore "Extinction" review like a year or two late.

I'd like to start off by saying 17 is completely genius. <3 Verse I is amazing too. I could just imagine this heavy screaming all over it. The drumming is hawt. I like how diminished and scary the sound is. 40, 41 work well to go into the break. And the break was beast, I liked the effect you had going on over it. Like the volume in and out thing. Verse 2 was steady beastin' like the first, and the drums stand out again in it. The break sounds better this go around... The Prechorus has some... iffy parts... like the thing that goes on during 80-81. It keeps going like that into the chorus... I just don't like how it sounds... that little recurring thing... The heavy accenting part is brilliantly well written. and the solo. is too. 112 was great. Key change? 114 sounded like another key change... that I have to say no to. 118 started sounding a little bit no-ish to me too. 141 was where it got good again to me. Up until 162 it stayed good then the riff was pretty good in my opinion. 169 Sounded a little Zelda to me. lol.. Verse again. Still sounds good. 194 sounds alright.. not amazed by it.. 241 was fantastic in my opinion. 249 was a great way to start winding down the song... It felt 'right' here. 261 is an uberly cool beast dude. Not even kidding. I like the way it just keeps going. It's super epic.

Overall the piece is like a 9/10 on the parts that I liked but overall honestly 7.5/10 because of the iffy parts in between.

Crit again? lol.

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...38#post27310738
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Old 05-31-2011, 06:58 PM   #6
robertito696
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I've been listening to Opeth relentlessly for the past few days, so this is good timing, I hadn't listened to them in almost a year until recently.

Overall the piece was spectacular. Its rather lengthy, and I have little to comment on so I'll just do an overview. There were a bunch of little parts I felt were phrased awkwardly, or just didn't like, but they only lasted a bar, if that, and so didn't distract from the overall piece. The melodies were fantastic and it seemed very cohesive. It's one of those pieces where the good far outweighs the bad, and the bad almost isn't noteworthy.

Despite being heavily influenced by Opeth, its still an incredibly enjoyable listen.
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Old 06-01-2011, 04:44 AM   #7
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There needs to be a second chorus, it's great
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Old 06-01-2011, 11:52 AM   #8
Life Is Brutal
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I was writing a crit, but I accidentally pressed backspace and it took me back into the forum, and deleted everything I wrote.

So heres whats important...

Solos are great, sections are awesome, I very much like the break section. Bars 19-21 sound black metal influenced to me.

Very good chord choices, I really liked the chromatic descent in bars 126-128, that was done amazingly. I also couldn't help but imagine the vocals in a style like Death.

I would suggest making the bass more audible, but I probably just listen to too much Obscura and bands with Dominic Forest Lapointe.

155 also reminds me of black metal once again.

All of the material is great, I went 3/4ths through the song when I backspaced, had a massive crit, and it was all deleted. So, sorry I had to make this short.

My newest piece:

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...d.php?t=1448549
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Old 06-03-2011, 02:59 AM   #9
whalepudding
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I bloody love this.

It's most like Still Life era Opeth, when their songs were most coherent and inspired IMO. It has the profound gothic feel, and distinctive, sometimes almost chromatic but very tasteful chord changes and note choices. If anything it's more positive sounding than most Opeth - sort of dark and gothic, but inviting and exciting.

The intro is fantastic, particularly the little climax from bar 9 to 14. The lead guitar's bends really make this section. I really like how the acoustic section afterwards repeat the descending chord pattern from the intro and verses, as well.

The verse is fantastic. I love the strings, and the little mini-climax at the end.

And the bridge is great. I love every time you have those massive, triumphant-sounding lead guitar bends.

The chorus feels more like a bridge to me. It's a bit of a low point tension-wise, it doesn't have the excitement the verses have, and the vocal melody doesn't do much for me I'm afraid.

The descending bit at bar 118 is brilliant. Has Still Life written all over it. Reminds me of White Cluster in particular. I love the lead guitar weaving through it, as well.

The buildup from bar 142 to 162 is really brilliant. The sudden modulation at bar 148 was a great way of building tension. I love how fluid this song seems - in the sense that it's not just riff after riff being repeated. It can be divided up into sections with riffs in them, but those sections are full of variations and motifs and gradual changes.

Bar 162, not sure what happened there. I don't really like it I'm afraid - seemed like a distinctive Opethy "I can't get from one bit to another, so I'll stop the song in its tracks for a few bars". None of the things that happened there had much to do with the parts before or after it. The musical ideas (like having the two lead guitars on their own, and then an acoustic section) are both fine, and the melodies themselves are great, but I think it'd be better if they didn't seem to come out of nowhere.

Verse 3 has a fucking fantastic vocal melody. If those are vocals. The oboe melody, otherwise. I'm assuming that's there to make the third verse stand out and introduce some variation, but it's good enough to be repeated in all of them.

Or I'd suggest putting it in the second verse, at least. So the listener will have gotten used to the verse by the first time they hear it, but still get to hear it twice.

240 to 241 was a jarring transition. I know Opeth use them all the time, but I think it's the atmosphere and note choices that are worth taking from Opeth, not the transitions or structure. The riff was otherwise very good, but the transition took away from it I think.

I'd say around here the song starts to drag, starting just after the third verse. It has more or less the same pace and mood as the rest of the song, and fewer standout riffs. There were some nice variations on older material, but around that point in the song I'd have been thinking about a huge climax of some sort, tying everything together. Maybe that's just because I like bombast, but at that point things seemed to blur together a bit.

Anyway, overall I love it, it's incredibly well written, and the best bits really inspired me. But it's not quite perfect IMO, I'm hoping this helps in some way.
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Old 06-04-2011, 06:51 PM   #10
Burning_Angel
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Returning your crit.

Honestly, I've not really been into Opeth in years. And this reeks of Opeth. It's more interesting than that which appeared on Blackwater Park/Deliverance, but that's where this sounds like it's from.

Like, really. A lot of it sounds exactly like The Drapery Falls if slightly "darker" as opposed to "sorrowful".

And that's the problem I had with this. So much so that I lost interest around the "belowing silence" line, and it never even got really close to yanking me back.

Another issue is I just listened to it and I already cant really remember it/remember what happened. I remember a riff here or there, but it just kind of... meanders. Exists. It has nice space to breathe and stuff, and while there is a lot going on, it shouldnt be too much. In fact, it isn't. But the way it's structured, like any Opeth song, makes it basically a riff-o-rama where riffs come and go [although I give you this, you can write a WAY better song than Mike ever could. At least the riffs here make sense with each other] and it ebbs and flows without any real climax or resolution or anything.

That said, it's not bad. I like most of the riffs. Especially the arpeggiated ones. Unfortunately though that's about all I can say...
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Old 06-05-2011, 06:25 AM   #11
Kirborg
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It's very good with indeed kind of makes it a shame it's so "Opeth-y".
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Old 06-05-2011, 02:24 PM   #12
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Like someone else said, this sounds like it's from Still Life, with the biiiig chords and chromatic changes and stuff. Solos were really impressive, and you made it sound fresh with odd chord progressions. Some riffs aren't the most original in the world, and I don't like the (probably deliberate) dissonant stuff around bar 164-169.
The verse riff is actually really cool, listening to it again and again. Something about that harmonic minor flavour is just really nice.
One thing I would suggest is that you vary the dynamics a little more, because when songs are as long as this it's nice to have a bit of change. If you look at Still Life (well, most Opeth), the lengthy songs retain their interest because they move into acoustic sections or slow, bass-y sections or whatever. Sometimes this is just non-stop electric guitar attack, which is less effective at keeping my interest. Speaking of length, I think you could have done without such a long outro from bar 261 to the end, but that's just nitpicking. Well done!
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Old 06-08-2011, 04:27 AM   #13
SOADisdabest
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Sorry for the late crit, works been a bitch.

Intro: Awesome chord choices here, very reminiscent of Opeth. I especially like the harmonisation between Tracks 4 and 5. With the beat in bar 2 I preferred the dotted note to be on the second snare but I'm just nitpicking, both sound good really.

Verse 1: I can fully hear Mikaels voice over the top of this. The triplets at bar 36 work really nicely.

Break: Love the riff here, the way the notes ring out together is awesome. Something about the 14/16 bar sounds a bit strange to me, I think it's the ghost note at the end of it, I changed it so that it just holds the note before it and I think it sounds better that way, but again, it's nothing too noticeable.

Chorus: Love the vocal line here, really captures that sorrowful atmosphere that Opeth is known for. Bass is awesome too. The harmony in the solo following it works amazingly well.

The arpeggios at bar 134 work nicely and help to flesh out the rest of the song nicely. I think the riff at bar 142 would have worked well as a sort of final push for the song and maybe had it end around 168. The repeated riff at bar 201 was where it began to feel detrimental to the rest of the song, just seemed a bit unnecessary.

Wish I could say a bit more but I think that pretty much sums up how I feel. Definitely ends that era of your songwriting on a strong note.
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Old 06-08-2011, 05:01 AM   #14
HaydenHohns
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Returning crit, don't worry about the Opeth thing because the number I'd have to multiply by to not prefer this to a generic "core" band is about 40 digits in front of the decimel sign. Anyways:

Intro: Nice chords but the first few bars of the phrase/progression lack power, the biggest suspect being the Percussion, more cymbals and chaos would be good. Bars 17 onwards had some excellent chord progressions in it, absolutely loved it. Loved the interplay between the Guitar and Piano.
Verse 1: This is good, I think maybe slightly less intense Percussion this time, but the last few bars should stay the same as the tension they build is great.
Break: I really dislike the accent/emphasis on the first beat made by the Percussion here, it takes away from the great vibe you set up. Still good though. The chord progression doesn't strike me as very "Opeth-y" to me, its definitely original enough to be your own if that's what you're wanting to read.
Verse 2: Nice, Percussion sounds vastly better than before.
Break: Same as before. Liked the transition BTW.
Pre-Chorus: This part doesn't do the job for me. A Pre-Chorus generally has that building feel to me, or has a completely different dynamic/timbre to the rest of the piece, maybe try doing some sort of variation/modulation on the Intro section in bars 17-25.
Chorus: Works fine but I think the Pre-Chorus spoils the energy from it.
Heavy Accents: Nice melody here, everything compliments each other.
Solo: This really made my day. What a great Solo and Chord Progression. I adore the phrasing in bars 107-108 in particular. Tonic modulation to D Major was cool, very unexpected but refreshing. Bars 118 really reminded me of Opeth. Bar 130 onwards has a great chord progression. The organ at 142 was very welcome, a nice change of timbre. Bar 163 was a really cool way of bringing the previous Theme back in. The following acoustic section was also nice, despite what others have said.
Verse 3: The string around bar 190 was nice subtle addition to what was already played (I think). I'm drifting off a bit at bar 202, cut this section down to size (IMO). It picks up again at 241, maybe use the same riff style but apply it to the chord progression in 241 onwards, that would be much more suitable. Bar 260 onwards also came off as unecessary to me.

Overall I think it's a nice close to this "Chapter" of your musical works, and a very bright one one, despite my preferences. I already consider a lot of your works (I haven't looked into all of it yet) to be of a very high standard so I'm very interested in your next progression. Keep it up.
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Old 06-08-2011, 06:40 PM   #15
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Critting as I listen :

Intro : Already very Opeth, but it remains fresh and doesn't feel recycled. The little leads you added were great to create a deeper atmosphere. An awesome building block for the rest of the song. The transition into the acoustic guitar screamed Opeth.

Verse 1: The juxtaposition of the acoustic versus the electric guitar was very nice, it helped keep the... creepy atmosphere of the intro, for lack of a better word. I only thing I would consider changing would be the bass part, it was fairly bland, but it worked.

Break : Not much to see here. It worked, but it didn't stand out.

Verse 2 : Same as verse 1, I enjoyed the variations in the percussion.

Break: Same as before. The transition was good.

Prechorus : Loved the chors voicings used, and the lead line was great. A perfect transition into the chorus.

Chorus : The vocal line was quite good. I really enjoyed the layering going on with the multiple guitars. The second part of the chorus was awesome aswell, the octave chords added another dimension to the section.

Solo : Wonderful solo, don't have anything to add to this part, I loved all of the phrases used. The key change at bar 112 (I think it was a key change?) was great, super proggy solo goodness.

Bar 116-117 : Very good use of the previous section to transition into the next part. When I first heard the riff I thought you were going back to the verse/break thing you had going on, and when it transitioned into the chromactic chord progression I was surprised (in a good way!).

Bar 118-140 : Your use of dissonance and chromaticism in this section was very effective. I often find that when used incorrectly even the slightest dissonance can ruin an entire riff, but it really did enhance the section and added to the chaotic atmosphere.

Bar 141-161 : Awesome riff-y goodness, exactly what I was hoping you would progress to. the variations of the same chord progression used where great. Really good section.

Bar 162 : Didn't particularily like this section, nothing wrong with it, it just wasn't to my tastes.

Verse 3 : Same as before, I enjoyed the added vocal line.

The rest of the song : Sorry to do this to you, but I'm running out of time to write this crit. Every thing was pretty good not to much to add. I really enjoyed the outro, it was the perfect way to end this piece.

Overall : As I was re-reading this crit, I realised it was more of me praising you for a couple paragraphs than an actual crit, but really this song is near perfect from my point of view. Obviously there are some minor tweaks that could be made, but as is, it is simply awesome. I would love to hear a recorded version of this.

C4C?

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...d.php?t=1448765
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Old 06-24-2011, 12:24 PM   #16
Kalo Hanaka
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Can't say that Im going to give you an in-depth crit of the song, Im not that good at that really. The song itself sounded very nice to my ears... Gonna try to look Opeth up, seeing everybodies (spelling?) comments about how similar this is to their kind of music. And this I liked. Even tried singing along with the song itself.

Find yourself the persons/equipment needed, and go record this song!
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