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Old 11-29-2011, 10:24 PM   #1
Winter Sky
green is fine.
 
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Join Date: Dec 2007
an impressively stealthy holocaust

Been a while since I've posted, so here's something. C4C, as always.

you appeared in my selfish youth
like a ghost to a scientist,
bearing nothing but platitudes
and a fondness for frightening my friends.

how you walked with a whisper
and spoke with a roar.

when you met me, i was
fine on my own, contentedly alone.
it takes time to trust anyone. (it took mine to trust someone like you.)

i was wrong to assume (i guess)
that your blue eyes bore honesty;
what i mistook for friendliness
was a sea, slowly drowning me.

how you stalked with a whisper
and struck with a roar.

although i didn't live,
you disappeared. was it
the currents calling or
a murderer's remorse?
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Old 11-30-2011, 02:43 AM   #2
ibanez_luver
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Very nicely done, especially appealing cause i feel like i can relate this to a certain someone, my fav lyric is "how you stalked like a whisper and struck with a roar" love it

c4c mine is, "its better to have loved than lust"
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Old 11-30-2011, 10:27 AM   #3
JustRooster
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Location: Madison, Wisconsin
"like a ghost to a scientist,"


Didn't make sense with the rest of the poem, I don't think. How could you be drowning in something that you don't believe in? It's clear that the other party is very real and affecting you.

The rest is okay. I may be misinterpreting it, of course.
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Old 11-30-2011, 11:20 PM   #4
Bag'ed
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I always used to like reading your stuff, doesn't seem like long ago but it was a good few months.

You certainly have carved yourself a style which you ought to be proud. It may be that I could read a piece with yours that has no name, and guess you had written it straight away. This is a testament to the voice you are developing, so I would suggest keeping it up.

However, that praise comes with the criticism that maybe you're not pushing yourself, and you need to try something.

(I understand I posted a contradiction, but if you bother to follow either piece of advice, the outcome would still be positive from where I am standing)


If you've got the time, I haven't posted properly in awhile either;
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...23#post28638123

Just a word or two on whether you like it or not (doesn't need to be really detailed) would be nice man. Until then, take it easy.
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Last edited by Bag'ed : 11-30-2011 at 11:34 PM.
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Old 12-01-2011, 01:03 PM   #5
PattiWiles
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i feel it bro
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LIGHTNING HOUSE!!!"

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