Go Back   UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com > Music > Songwriting & Lyrics
User Name  
Password
Search:

Reply
Old 09-24-2012, 09:40 AM   #1
Factor13x
Use Your Imagination
 
Factor13x's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Marion, Indiana
An Angel No More

Ok, so I was bored and was watching Supernatural so I decided to write a song revolving around Castiel. This piece is strange because it is written from three different perspectives but they're all connected by one body. For the purpose of making this easy to imagine, the clean lyrics will be in italics and screamed normal. So let me know what you think. I'll C4C this too.

An Angel No More

I pulled you out of Hell
and this is the thanks I get
a knife to the back
and a knee out of fear
I know what we were before
but now tides changed
and I am so much more

what have I become
a mutation of my former self
im just a man lost in a shell
every night I yell and scream
but no one ever hears my plea


except for the lost inside
did you forget that we're still here
50,000 strong crying out just to see the dawn
we're hungry, for flesh and blood

if its flesh you want then its flesh ill give you
bow to me

what have I become
a mutation of my former self
im just a man lost in a shell
every night I yell and scream
but no one is ever there for me


except for the lost inside
did you forget that we were here?
do we make you tremble in fear?
__________________
Lyrics:
To The Grave
The Marionette
Our Last Dance
DaVinci Would Be Jealous
An Angel No More

Gear:
Jackson DKXT Dinky
Silver Star Semi-Hollow Body
Peavey Vypyr 30w, 1 x 12 Combo Amp
Korg Nanopad
Factor13x is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-26-2012, 04:15 PM   #2
AtReYuRoCk
i hate my username
 
AtReYuRoCk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Belgium
Not bad, not bad at all. I like the fact that you got the inspiration from Supernatural 'cause I was just watching that.
__________________
Here my voice goes to ones and zeros...
AtReYuRoCk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2012, 03:15 AM   #3
Factor13x
Use Your Imagination
 
Factor13x's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Marion, Indiana
Quote:
Originally Posted by AtReYuRoCk
Not bad, not bad at all. I like the fact that you got the inspiration from Supernatural 'cause I was just watching that.


Im glad someone caught that lol I wrote the entire piece from the 3 perspectives within Castiel before the Leviathans break out and Supernatural is the best show out there hands down
__________________
Lyrics:
To The Grave
The Marionette
Our Last Dance
DaVinci Would Be Jealous
An Angel No More

Gear:
Jackson DKXT Dinky
Silver Star Semi-Hollow Body
Peavey Vypyr 30w, 1 x 12 Combo Amp
Korg Nanopad
Factor13x is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2012, 05:13 AM   #4
cobooboc
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
I'm looking forward to you write on the song sheet for this song, and I'm looking forward to hear this song.
cobooboc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2012, 02:43 PM   #5
Factor13x
Use Your Imagination
 
Factor13x's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Marion, Indiana
Thanks guys, im working on writing the riff for this song and then im gunna try and put some programmed drums and other stuff over it but it might be a little while but when i finish it ill make sure to make it available
__________________
Lyrics:
To The Grave
The Marionette
Our Last Dance
DaVinci Would Be Jealous
An Angel No More

Gear:
Jackson DKXT Dinky
Silver Star Semi-Hollow Body
Peavey Vypyr 30w, 1 x 12 Combo Amp
Korg Nanopad
Factor13x is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2012, 08:54 PM   #6
smartalecG94
UG's Resident MoonMoon
 
smartalecG94's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Chasing a stick
Never seen Supernatural (although if this is anything to go by, I might need to check it out), but this is a pretty great read even without knowing any background. I'm reading it as metalcore-ish, so i think the transitions between the screamed and clean are nicely done, without too much emphasis on either. If it were me, I'd change the "but now tides changed" to either "times changed" or "tides shifted". I like the flow of shifted a little bit better but it's your piece and if it works for you, then that's what matters.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by captainsnazz
That's some nice hair you've got there.


I'm watching you.


Quote:
Originally Posted by BottleOfSmoke
If I was a rich man in 17th century Britain, I'd totally adopt Alec and make him my heir.
smartalecG94 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-01-2012, 08:04 AM   #7
剣 斧 血
Pimp, apparently...
 
剣 斧 血's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: England
Like the guy above, I think you should alter "but now tides changed". More specifically I think the line would benefit from being "but now the tides shifted", but only if it would fit the rhythm you have in mind.

I like that you've used "a mutation of my former self" as opposed to the more cliché "shadow of my former self", but I've found it difficult fitting it to a rhythm. There may be a synonym or alteration that can be used to improve the way it flows, but again, it's down to the rhythm you fit it too.

Overall, I like piece, nice transitions between screamed and clean vocals. If I'd seen the show I'd have more context behind it but that doesn't diminish from the piece. Nice one.
__________________
It didn't take long to realise
The safest place was not her arms, but her eyes
Where she can't see you
For her gaze, it blisters;
Grey skin to cinders
剣 斧 血 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:48 PM.

Forum Archives / About / Terms of Use / Advertise / Contact / Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2014
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.