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Old 09-26-2012, 07:12 AM   #2161
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Location: On a Small Ugly Rock In Space, Surrounded By Over 7,000,000,000 Ignorant Cunts And Retąrds....... Status: If I Just Posted This Then I Probably Have Too Much Spare Time.....
^ That is a horrible story man!!! And if that's sexual to you........ damn.........
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Old 10-12-2012, 08:56 PM   #2162
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Old 10-12-2012, 08:57 PM   #2163
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Bump


Don't bump if you don't have at least a story to add....
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Old 10-12-2012, 09:10 PM   #2164
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I'm disappointed, I was expecting some good stories
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Jesus, Horsedick, you are my hero

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don't worry guys his girlfriend is black, she said it was okay for him to say that.



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Old 10-13-2012, 12:32 AM   #2165
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One time, I put my Wee Wee in this girls mouth and funny stuff came out of it and she
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Old 11-10-2012, 11:49 PM   #2166
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One night I came stumbling back to my dorm after a good night of drinking. It was a great party, we had a kiddy pool filled with tequila, everclear, and powdered lemonade drink. It tasted like your average cheep ass lemonade except would knock you off your feet.

Anyway

After somehow making it back to my dorm after heavily drinking that shit and barely able to walk my way back, I staggered into my dorm and crashed on my bed. I noticed my roommate was gone to ref another soccer tournament and wasn't going to be back til the next evening, so I decided to beat my meat before I passed out. I pulled my pants down to my feet and went to town. I woke up to my roommate unlocking the door.

I wasn't thinking anything of this until I realized that I'm lying on my back on top of my covers and with my dried cum crusted hand wrapped around my cock and I'm lying on top of my covers. He just shook his head and went to go get lunch.

I need to make sure I whack off under the covers next time.
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Quote:
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Jesus, Horsedick, you are my hero

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don't worry guys his girlfriend is black, she said it was okay for him to say that.



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Old 11-11-2012, 10:21 PM   #2167
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When I was 15 I came home from school and hung out in the front room of my house. I was feeling pretty horny and decided to watch some porn on the family computer. So here I was pants around the ankles and tissues by my side, when all of a sudden I hear a key in the front door. Well if you opened the front door you would have a clear view of my sitting there with my cock in my hand. I can guarantee all of you that my face turned Wayne Brady white and then my cat reflexes took over, sort of. I turned the computer off with one hand and the box of tissues with my other hand and I could have sworn I was home free to my room, except for one thing: my pants were still around my ankles.

I was tripped on my pants and landed dick first into the carpet. I'm pretty sure I passed out for a few seconds and that was all it took for my mom to walk into the house and seeing me lying in the hallway with my bare ass up with my pants around my anlkes. I woke up laying on my stomach and turned my head to look back down the hallway, and all I see is my mom with her hands on her hips shaking her head.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jetfuel495
Jesus, Horsedick, you are my hero

Quote:
Originally Posted by JayT44
don't worry guys his girlfriend is black, she said it was okay for him to say that.



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Old 11-12-2012, 09:56 AM   #2168
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Well, when I was 13, there was a field trip at the school I was in, and it was at a bowling alley, some end-of-the-year shit. My girlfriend at the time was a known major whore, allegedly she blew the entire football team, every division. But it was all cool, she had a body to die for. So I was like 'what could go wrong?' Well, I'll tell you what went wrong.

On the way back to the school, I borrowed a friend's phone and was texting her, and somehow sex came up. She suggested we do something during the basketball game that was at the school when we returned, and we waited for the opportune moment. Strike number 1: there was an old hag bitch standing at the door to the gymnasium, and she kept track of people that left and entered, I'm guessing so that something like this wouldn't happen. Well, that didn't work, obviously. I left first and waited for my ho, and she came out of the double doors shortly after I did, and we just fucking left, in full view of that weird lady. So anyways, we looked for a good place to have happy fun times, and we finally decided on the mens' room by my English teacher. In hindsight, I'm glad we didn't pick the ladies' room, I've since discovered that women aren't even close to as clean and sanitary as I once imagined. But anyways, I locked the door and things go hot and we were both ready, but then she looked up at me.

"The floors are unsanitary."

I stood there for a second and was just completely dumbfounded. Of all the things.. So I told her, "I'll just lay my jacket on the floor," and that was completely ace with her, which amazed me, because she was willing to just take her pants off and let her bare ass be on the tile floor. Well, things turned out pretty well for it being my first time. I lasted more than 20 seconds, and she actually reacted, which was a plus. But I just kept going and going, and then eventually we just laid there like dumbasses, and I wasn't quite sure what I should do. So I waited for a bit, and then the door rattled. I said, word-for-word, 'Shit,' and stood up, walking over to one of those urinal stall things, trying to get my junk into my pants, leaving her sort of dazed and looking around, still mostly naked and legs spread. Then, shit hit the fan. It was the dean at the door, along with two janitors, three teachers, and a bunch of kids. He unlocked the door and peered in, and saw her, and all I heard was, 'Oh good god almighty,' and for some reason, I giggled like a ******, but I don't think anyone heard me. Anyways, by this time I was fully dressed, and the dean was in, telling my girlfriend to get up and get dressed. He proceeded to walk us out, and for some reason, my girlfriend goes,

'Could you please not tell my parents?'

The dean laughed and so did I, and he said, 'Sorry, but you're getting expelled,' and then I stopped laughing.

Well, what ensued afterwards was a shitstorm, but that's about it for awkwardness. Apparently, someone saw the texts in my friend's cell, and decided to tell every teacher she could find about it, but none of them believed her except for my 'roided out gym teacher. Although for some reason, everyone at that school idolised me after that, and to this day, random people that I don't recognize will say, 'Hey, how's it going, man?' But I am forever scarred because of that event, and will never bang another ho in a school bathroom.
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Quote:
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You're the biggest dick we've had in the Pit for a while.
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Stop talking, you have are the biggest dick the pit has seen in a while.

Last edited by StillSublime : 11-12-2012 at 09:58 AM.
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:02 AM   #2169
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Story


I...
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:16 AM   #2170
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I...

You..
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UG's King Neptune

Quote:
Originally Posted by AtaBorMan
You're the biggest dick we've had in the Pit for a while.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SLEESTAK_BRO
Stop talking, you have are the biggest dick the pit has seen in a while.
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:17 AM   #2171
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Wow that was the best story ever.
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I'm not artsy at all. At least not in the visual sense.

But, I did just eat some pizza so I am quite fartsy




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Dude i like rap and stuff. Im a furry and I also have a wolf plush with a hole that i use at times.


Only at times, though.
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:18 AM   #2172
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Originally Posted by H4T3BR33D3R
Wow that was the best story ever.

Was it really? I'm being totally serious about it, too. True story.
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UG's King Neptune

Quote:
Originally Posted by AtaBorMan
You're the biggest dick we've had in the Pit for a while.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SLEESTAK_BRO
Stop talking, you have are the biggest dick the pit has seen in a while.
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:20 AM   #2173
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Originally Posted by StillSublime
Was it really? I'm being totally serious about it, too. True story.


Seriously. That was the funniest thing I've read in a while. I can't believe it's actually genuine too
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eGraham
I'm not artsy at all. At least not in the visual sense.

But, I did just eat some pizza so I am quite fartsy




Quote:
Originally Posted by Axelfox
Dude i like rap and stuff. Im a furry and I also have a wolf plush with a hole that i use at times.


Only at times, though.
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:23 AM   #2174
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Originally Posted by H4T3BR33D3R
Seriously. That was the funniest thing I've read in a while. I can't believe it's actually genuine too

I want that to be a good thing, but sadly, I can't put a positive spin on it.
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UG's King Neptune

Quote:
Originally Posted by AtaBorMan
You're the biggest dick we've had in the Pit for a while.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SLEESTAK_BRO
Stop talking, you have are the biggest dick the pit has seen in a while.
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:36 AM   #2175
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StillSublime
I want that to be a good thing, but sadly, I can't put a positive spin on it.


I don't think you have to worry. The chick looks much worse in this situation
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eGraham
I'm not artsy at all. At least not in the visual sense.

But, I did just eat some pizza so I am quite fartsy




Quote:
Originally Posted by Axelfox
Dude i like rap and stuff. Im a furry and I also have a wolf plush with a hole that i use at times.


Only at times, though.
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:47 AM   #2176
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Originally Posted by H4T3BR33D3R
I don't think you have to worry. The chick looks much worse in this situation
It doesn't even matter anymore, man, she was a ho anyways. But yeah, apparently she has a kid now, and goes to an all-girls' school. I ran into her at a JC Penny, and I don't think she recognized me. I hope it wasn't by me. The whole situation was ****ed, though
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UG's King Neptune

Quote:
Originally Posted by AtaBorMan
You're the biggest dick we've had in the Pit for a while.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SLEESTAK_BRO
Stop talking, you have are the biggest dick the pit has seen in a while.
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:53 AM   #2177
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StillSublime
It doesn't even matter anymore, man, she was a ho anyways. But yeah, apparently she has a kid now, and goes to an all-girls' school. I ran into her at a JC Penny, and I don't think she recognized me. I hope it wasn't by me. The whole situation was ****ed, though


Well, she blew the entire football team. I already assumed she was a ho fo' sho.



Also, I'm not surprised she has a kid. Not a bit
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eGraham
I'm not artsy at all. At least not in the visual sense.

But, I did just eat some pizza so I am quite fartsy




Quote:
Originally Posted by Axelfox
Dude i like rap and stuff. Im a furry and I also have a wolf plush with a hole that i use at times.


Only at times, though.
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:56 AM   #2178
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Originally Posted by H4T3BR33D3R
Well, she blew the entire football team. I already assumed she was a ho fo' sho.



Also, I'm not surprised she has a kid. Not a bit

Yeah, everyone at school hated her, and I had no idea why, she was chill enough. But yeah, then I heard about the jocks and I felt like a ******. So I decided I'd hit it and quit it. But it was a forced quit, in the end, so..

I'm not either, but if it's by me..

****.
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UG's King Neptune

Quote:
Originally Posted by AtaBorMan
You're the biggest dick we've had in the Pit for a while.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SLEESTAK_BRO
Stop talking, you have are the biggest dick the pit has seen in a while.
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Old 11-12-2012, 11:12 AM   #2179
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StillSublime
Yeah, everyone at school hated her, and I had no idea why, she was chill enough. But yeah, then I heard about the jocks and I felt like a ******. So I decided I'd hit it and quit it. But it was a forced quit, in the end, so..

I'm not either, but if it's by me..

****.


Hey man, nothing wrong with a little hit and quit.



I doubt it's yours. She'd probably try to make you take responsibility already if it was your Gentleman's jelly in her taco shell.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eGraham
I'm not artsy at all. At least not in the visual sense.

But, I did just eat some pizza so I am quite fartsy




Quote:
Originally Posted by Axelfox
Dude i like rap and stuff. Im a furry and I also have a wolf plush with a hole that i use at times.


Only at times, though.
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Old 11-12-2012, 11:17 AM   #2180
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Originally Posted by H4T3BR33D3R
Hey man, nothing wrong with a little hit and quit.



I doubt it's yours. She'd probably try to make you take responsibility already if it was your Gentleman's jelly in her taco shell.
Yeah, I mean I went out with her for a week and got expelled from high school. It's all good.

**** that, she can go blow people for money for all I care. She probably does anyways.
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UG's King Neptune

Quote:
Originally Posted by AtaBorMan
You're the biggest dick we've had in the Pit for a while.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SLEESTAK_BRO
Stop talking, you have are the biggest dick the pit has seen in a while.
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