12-20-2012, 12:42 AM
|
#1 |
|
Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Wisconsin
|
No. 1
I don't know where I've been
|If I can keep my heart/I can keep my head| (...and fend of all their legions... ...for neither rhyme nor reason...) I don't believe that this is really happening and it's sad to say but it seems I've lost the plot again. there's the human I was born, and the person I became. I was calm before the storm, now I'm angry in the rain. I/don't/be/lieve/that/this/is/real/lee/happening and it's sad/to/say but it seems/I've/lost/the/plot again It's all in my mind, but I keep in time, or at least, I try, I haven't been alive in such a great while. |
|
|
|
12-20-2012, 01:15 AM
|
#2 | |
|
MWAHAHAHAHA!
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: The Frozen North! (read: Northern Wisconsin)
|
I really like that. It's piece that I can relate to a bit (not because I'm ever pessimistic for very long, but because we all feel like shit sometimes).
Quote:
The only change I would suggest is to maybe change "human" to "person". It's sort of a disconnect in the reader/listener's mind. If you're purposely going for said disconnect, cool. But yeah, I'd change it; it'd make it flow smoother. See how it feels to you. Code:
Crit mine? (Oh, do me a favor and please read the other posts in the thread quick.) http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...62#post30763462 |
|
|
|
|
 |
«
Previous Thread
|
Next Thread
»
| Thread Tools |
|
|
All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:51 AM.