Erra93

This one is very different from what I usually write (at least the first half!)
I basically just tried to write a sad song, but as usual, that's not really how it turned out. Still liked it though!

C4Cing may or may not be slow as usual, depends on if I'm working or not!

Edit: Made some changes to the drums and rhythm guitars at the end (bar 75-104) to spice things up a little, good or bad?

Edit 2: removed one snare and cymbal hit in bar 76!

Attached Files

	asdeppigaste låten jag skrivit.gp5 (58.5 KB, 204 views)
	asdeppigaste låten jag skrivit - new drums + ryhtim for oturo.gp5 (57.2 KB, 101 views)

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frankibo

I understand what you're going for in the intro with the 6 but it didn't work for me.
The bass break was hilarious though and the riff that followed was good, had a nice groove to it.
The big happy section with the solo was lovely, really uplifting, great lead too.
Ah that was the end, seemed a bit short to me.
Nowadays I always try and avoid going for the obvious major and minor chords in a key when I write (like you did at the end), but it sounds so damn good it's hard to avoid doing.

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amonamarthmetal

i agree with frankibo on the 6. it didnt work on the intro. it worked at bar 27 though.

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frankibo

Agreed.

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Erra93

Ah, I like it how it is but I'm all for improving, which note would you suggest?
Thanks, I'm super proud because I came up with that riff on my actual guitar instead of guitar pro because it happens so rarely, haha
Thanks for that as well, I was really happy with how the lead turned out, and how well the chords worked over that playful riff I was afraid it would be too long if it didn't stop there

Also, I'm a little confused, do you mean I did use the obvious major/minor chords or that I didn't? and yeah, I do try to come up with chords I haven't used before, but if something works, I just let it work and try not to worry about it

Huge thanks for the crit




I'm confused, could either of you explain why the 6 doesn't work for you? For me it sounds kind of warm and fuzzy when I play it on my guitar..

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frankibo

Haha then your guitar is out of tune, a half step below the octave sounds kind of warm (as in a 7 on the low C and a 6 on the C an octave above) but a half step above the octave (what you did, a 6 on the low C and a 6 on the C an octave above) sounds really dissonant.

You could change it to either a 7 or 0 or the G string, both work. Up to you really, if you like the 6 a lot then keep it.




Well at the end there you've used 4th fret minor, 2nd fret major and 7th fret major, it's very generic and happy sounding. But it works so well so don't change it, I'm just saying it's hard to avoid doing that sort of thing.
The triplet double bass drum during the end is a bit unnecessary, would be better to come up with a more interesting drum part.

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Erra93

That's true, warm might have been the wrong adjective haha
However, I was going for a depressive sound and it sounds more depressive with the 6, so I think I'll stick with it, did sound good with a 7 instead though
Actually, I think I'll have it be 6 the first time and 7 on the repeat, worked pretty well!

Aah, well now I know what those are so thank you for that! And definitely, I go there in most my songs sadly!
Oh the drums, yeah.. I just love how happy triplet double bass drum sounds, but I could definitely have made them more interesting, I'll see if I can't come up with something better

Thanks again!

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Proud Of The Crows | Home | There's always money in the banana stand | Mentalcore song

Erra93

Changed the drums in the outro, better or worse? Not quite as stale as before, I'd like to think!

Edit: removed one snare and cymbal hit in bar 76!

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maximumrocker

For the Intro I like having the 6 fret played on bar 5, then resolve to 7 in bar 6.

Also, I think that Nylon stringed guitar for that beginning would sound awesome!

Other than that, your piece is rocking dude!!!

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