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Old 04-29-2014, 05:46 PM   #1
Burningritual
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On stage banter.

I'm in a 3 piece punk rock band that is going to be doing our first gig soon. I've played in bands as a guitarist before but in this one I will be the front man doing vocals as well, which is a first for me. Is it acceptable just to introduce each song and say nothing else? Obviously i'll thank people for coming, tell them we've got music to give away etc after certain songs. I just have no interest in doing some shit stand up routine in between each song as it annoys me when I go to gigs and 10 minutes of a bands set is some guy talking nonsense/trying to be funny.
Are there any well known bands that keep the talking to a minimum? do any of you do it?
The actual songs will be performed energetically and i'll be talking to people after we've played (if they don't hate us )
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Old 04-29-2014, 07:14 PM   #2
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People didn't really come to hear your onstage banter; they came to hear you play music. So, introduce your songs and keep shooting the shit to a minimum.

The reason that frontmen often spend time doing onstage banter is because there's some issue backstage or something. Or maybe the crew is setting something up. Things of that nature. So, rather than risk the crowd getting antsy, the frontman gets out there and make jokes or does a rant or whatever.
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Old 04-29-2014, 09:29 PM   #3
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Either that or your frontman is a self-absorbed shithead who talks no matter how much you tell him not to (wink wink Spenser I know you go on this site)

Honestly, don't even introduce every song. Come out onstage, say your band name, play like 3 songs, say what the fourth one is called, play some more, say what your last one is called and that you have merch or whatever, then play it and get the hell off the stage.
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Old 04-29-2014, 09:39 PM   #4
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The only bands that should be doing banter are big bands that actually have listeners.
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Old 04-29-2014, 09:43 PM   #5
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Yup. STFU and play your songs. Introducing them will do no good.
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Old 04-30-2014, 01:43 AM   #6
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Honestly, if you have to, write down every single thing you are going to say before the show starts. I once saw a frontman who I considered to have very natural stage presence, made some funny jokes, and kept the flow going. After the show, he revealed to me that he had scripted every single word. There is no shame in this

Introduce 3-4 songs at a time, then play them without stopping. Use some light humor, and remind people to make a trip to the bar. Ultimately your goal with stage banter is to make the flow of the music to seem natural
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Old 04-30-2014, 03:37 AM   #7
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Yep, grouping songs is a great idea and makes you look like you know what you are doing. the only reason to talk is to keep the show going whilst the (usually guitarists) other band members sort out a change of instrument or whatever.

There's only one thing worse than talking too much and that is failing to engage the audience by ignoring them whilst you sort out technical stuff or what you are going to do next.
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Old 04-30-2014, 04:00 AM   #8
Burningritual
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Thanks for the replies. I'm glad you've all put the things you have, my plan is to not say anything until we've played a few songs anyway. Frontmen in my area must just be a different breed to where you lot live because the majority think they are stand up comedians, whatever genre it is that I'm watching! Thanks again
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Old 04-30-2014, 04:23 AM   #9
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Banter works if you're good at it.

However I think we can generally agree that nobody likes too much banter. I once did session work for an artist that managed to stretch 12 songs out over 1 1/2 hours due to the amount of talking they did in between songs. Not cool.

For cover bands, I wouldn't talk at all, see if you can keep the stops between songs to 5 seconds tops. If the frontperson speaks, it's over the intro to a song or during a breakdown.

For originals, we have designated speaking stops every 3 songs or so - we mark on the setlist where the talking happens. Otherwise it's as above, 5 seconds tops between songs.
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Old 05-01-2014, 03:26 AM   #10
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No, frontmen always think they are standups. It just isn't usually true.
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Old 05-02-2014, 04:39 AM   #11
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I went to see a band as I enjoyed their first album. The set was so full of banter that I've not listened to them since as they bored me to death. If you can't fill the set time with music, do a shorter set!

And like everyone else has said, keep it to the minimum and don't think you're a comedian. Just be yourself.
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Old 05-02-2014, 05:14 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlanHB
Banter works if you're good at it.

However I think we can generally agree that nobody likes too much banter. I once did session work for an artist that managed to stretch 12 songs out over 1 1/2 hours due to the amount of talking they did in between songs. Not cool.

For cover bands, I wouldn't talk at all, see if you can keep the stops between songs to 5 seconds tops. If the frontperson speaks, it's over the intro to a song or during a breakdown.

For originals, we have designated speaking stops every 3 songs or so - we mark on the setlist where the talking happens. Otherwise it's as above, 5 seconds tops between songs.


Agreed, but it's always useful to have a list of heckler putdown lines handy incase you get any smart-arses in the audience.
I've seen a dead crowd become 100% behind the band after someone shouted something out and the singer put him in his place with a witty line.

Here's my old list.


1. I refuse to get into a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent! (always start with this as it also gives fair warning)
2. Aww. I remember my first beer too.
3. Didn't your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
4. There's an alcoholic who doesn't want to remain anonymous.
5. You shouldn't drink on an empty head
6. Now I know why some animals eat their young.
7. What holds your ears apart?
8. Do I come to your place of work & tell you how to sweep up? (or you could replace 'sweep up' with 'flip burgers' or even 'suck dick')
9. Go and lean against the wall in the other room,... that's plastered too!
10. Was your mother a weightlifter? No? How did she manage to raise a dumbell like you then?
11. If I could find enough wood, I'd board your mouth up!
12. I can't believe it. A hundred million sperm...and you were the quickest?
13. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
14. If brains were bricks, you'd be homeless.
15. Are you from the shallow end of the gene pool or something?
16. Why don't you take a piggy back ride on a buzz saw?
17. With a face that ugly, you could put your nose in your ear and blow your brains out.
18. If I wanted to hear from an arsehole I would have farted.
19. I'm sorry, I don't know how to deal with you, I'm a musician not a proctologist.
20. On a scale of one to ten.... you're an dickhead.
21. You're ugly, your dick is short, no one likes you, shut the f**k up.
22. I've seen better faces on a clock, and even then, a cuckoo came out of it.
23. You couldn't get laid in a brothel with a fistful of twenties.
24. Save your breath, you'll need it to blow up your date later.
25. Look man, I grew up in... (name an area with a bad rep near to where you're playing) I've already been through your wallet, I know where you live, now shut the f**k up.
26. Good to see you again, I see you've gone back to wearing men's clothing.
27. (To a man who has just implied that you're gay) You want to know if I'm gay? Why don't you and your girlfriend bend over and we'll see which one I f**k?
28. I could have been your father.... but my brother beat me to it because he had change for a dollar.
29. You'll never be half the man your mother was.
30. I got into this business because I thought it would be a bit of a fanny-magnet, but I didn't think I'd come across as big a c*nt as you.... (then say)....I apologize for calling you that. I'm sure you're not a c*nt. You don't have the depth or capacity to give pleasure to be a c*nt.
31. Hey, I like doing my act the way you like having sex.... alone.
32. You're the load your momma should have swallowed.
33. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
34. I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
35. I don't know what makes you so stupid.... but it's really working!
36. He's so empty headed, if you stand close to him, you can hear the sea.
37. I honestly don't think you are a fool.... but then what's my opinion worth against everyone elses?
38. Do you know what you have in common with a sperm cell? You both have a 100 million to one chance of becoming a human being.
39. If you want to be on stage we can switch places..... you come up here and entertain the audience, I'll go down there and act like an arsehole.
40. Is that a foreign T-shirt? No? Oh, it's just that I've never seen 'c*nt' spelled that way before.
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Old 05-02-2014, 10:23 AM   #13
Hardlycore
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SlackerBabbath
3. Didn't your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

6. Now I know why some animals eat their young.

13. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

28. I could have been your father.... but my brother beat me to it because he had change for a dollar.


Oh my lawrd these are golden.
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Old 05-03-2014, 06:39 AM   #14
SlackerBabbath
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The funniest heckler putdown I ever saw was actualy a drummer I was working with in a band called 'The 3 Amigos' when we were playing in a small bar venue.
Some guy had started heckling us, but all three of us knew loads of putdown lines so the guy just couldn't win, whatever he said to us, he got it back threefold, so eventualy he walked up to the stage, dropped his pants and showed the band his bare backside.
We kinda ignored it and got on with our set because it was getting a bit out of hand at this point, but a few songs later, our drummer suddenly stopped us mid song. (something that is usualy a big no no during a gig)
He'd seen the guy walking into the gents toilets, so he stood up, grabbed a nearby spotlight, turned it until it lit this guy up in the toilet doorway and said over his mic 'While you're there, wipe your arse you dirty bastard!'
The audience was in hysterics, non of us could play a thing for laughing for a little while after that one and and believe it or not, the guy himsewlf even bought us all a round of drinks afterwards because even he thought it was funny.
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Old 05-03-2014, 10:35 AM   #15
Hardlycore
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SlackerBabbath
The audience was in hysterics, non of us could play a thing for laughing for a little while after that one and and believe it or not, the guy himsewlf even bought us all a round of drinks afterwards because even he thought it was funny.


Lmao that's awesome. Stopping the show or not, that is some funny stuff. And that's awesome that the guy was a cool sport about it afterwards. :P
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Old 05-04-2014, 06:36 AM   #16
SlackerBabbath
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hardlycore
Lmao that's awesome. Stopping the show or not, that is some funny stuff. And that's awesome that the guy was a cool sport about it afterwards. :P


The landlord breathed out a sigh of relief when the guy left, I noticed it and asked what was up and the landlord told me that he'd been really worried all night because the guy was a serious hardcase with a short temper, and that he'd seen him beat seven bells out of guys for much less than the amount of abuse we hurled at him that night.
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