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Old 01-30-2013, 07:12 PM   #1
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2 Songs (Metalcore) Gp5

The first one is complete, the second one is an work in progress.
Attached Files
File Type: gp5 04 Failsafe.gp5 (47.2 KB, 191 views)
File Type: gp5 09 Recreate.gp5 (62.1 KB, 177 views)

Last edited by g0ze : 04-25-2013 at 06:00 PM.
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Old 01-30-2013, 08:15 PM   #2
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First song..

-Too much tonality is determined by the open low string note. The entire song is based around this tonality/key/scale and it doesn't change, it gets grating.
-There are a few examples of 'being technical without achieving anything'. Riff at bar 3 would be difficult to play but it doesn't really do much as a riff, other than fill out space. bar 48 breakdown, as well, is out of place in a song that was already fairly snails pacey as well as being too technical for such a section. The tech is best reserved for a more intense part of the song.
-Bar 30-33/34-37/38-41. Last bar(s) should resolve on a major chord, much more impact and a better transition for the repeat. Sounds like you've cut short your big impact unless its made a bit more interesting.
-bar 18-25. That Gsus chord for the guitar also makes the track lose momentum. Change to major (replace 12 with 14, and middle 10 with a 12) for more diatonic but more relatable build up.
-Section actually marked 'build up'. Doesn't work as a build up. The drums feel right, and so do the synth chords, but the bass/guitar riffs just dont do anything for it, being too open and unresolved without moving anything forward.
-72-end. This bit should be left unchanged, it works well as an outro. Should probably have it as the only half-time/breakdown, then it feels like the song achieved something with a narrative.

Second song...

-First riffs were... techy but bland. They show off without actually showing anything.
-Bar 6 - 15. Generic as balls, I could literaly feel the hardcore dancers kicking my legs.
-Suffers from a similar problem of 'tech without purpose'. 27-30 for instance, has a nice chord but the hammer-ons just blended in with the rhythm without the melody being conveyed properly.
- 43-46. The leads would work during a half time, but those underlying chords/riffs are bland as hell, really defeats the purpose aside from very hit and miss build up.
-Again, over reliance on the open A# makes the tonality really really bland. It messes with the impact with the lead from 31-38.
-Weaker of the two songs. Even if it was finished, it would still be the weaker.

Overall crit...

-I get the impression you want to make the tonality of all your songs similar to these. The for the love of bleeding pete, avoid that route at all costs.
-The 'snare on the 3' pattern is such a cliche in the context of these songs.
-The overall tonality is bland and uninteresting.
-The riffs are a bit too techy for their own good.
-Build ups and sections given a set purpose dont actually complete that goal, giving me reason to assume that you were trying to make it 'different' but ended up with a mess/lack of musical impact. Look into non-diatonics, or artists who make it key to their sound (PTH, SikTh, Shai Hulud etc). Even better, move away from using the phrygian mode/harmonic minor scale, they're so overused in the scene 'tis unbelievable.

What were your influences for this?
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Originally Posted by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
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Old 01-31-2013, 04:49 PM   #3
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Join Date: May 2007
Recreate really sounds like an Architects song.

Second one sounds like Memphis May Fire.

Both songs are alright though, generic ish but not too bad.
My songs are all located here .
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Old 05-01-2013, 12:09 PM   #4
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Had a listen to Failsafe. I thought it was a pretty tidy song man, the rhythms were cool, and the energy throughout made it enjoyable. The lead starting in bar 18 was sick. The riff starting at bar 33 was nice as well. Regardless of how overused these kinda chords and notes are (I probably mean how overused the key is, maybe), I still thought this was pretty sick.
If you like post-hardcore with a bit of prog... http://soundcloud.com/sebyumgoong
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Old 05-01-2013, 02:24 PM   #5
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The songs have good energy and keys complement your guitars well for the most part. Some transitions need some work but for the most part both songs work as they are, just expand on the ideas you have and make the songs a little longer, i don't mind the tech-y riffs too much. Good ideas just maybe a bit more subtlety on the execution .
If you want you can check my attempt at Metalcore-ish tune i finished, mines a bit more generic but it works, would appreciate a crit.
Attached Files
File Type: gp5 Distant Descent.gp5 (102.3 KB, 62 views)
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