Go Back   UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com > Music > Songwriting & Lyrics
User Name  
Password
Search:

Reply
Old 08-17-2013, 12:21 PM   #1
Eccer
Serial Lurker
 
Eccer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
You

You

Resemble me.
I heard it, that distant
voice of many
I had no pity for, but then I
wonder.
What you meant, not just
for yourself. But the
reason, did it have any a reason?
Enough to make yourself question
if a godless was in front of thee?
Maybe I was you?
Maybe it was?
Or just a resemblance, of
you?

Did it startle you
Did I meet you with empty
gaze
Just to provoke what
answers thought of faith
within?
Am I xeno-
when we face?

Standing in that room, a moment
was not just me and you, but every other.
Remember how it started?
You did not ask it first, you
did not confront with.
One which is likely the same
question, but you and I
just wont see it
The same...

But I do, I see a god and a
man just like the many of thousands before.
I see devotion to a cause of greater good
I see complete sympathy for the world you "just" made
I see rationality just like any other
I see a wreath and a suit of him almighty
I see, myself fumbling with these words
reaching out.
But what I never really saw, was
You



em gnilbmeser

Last edited by Eccer : 11-13-2013 at 07:58 PM.
Eccer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-24-2013, 07:11 AM   #2
12Jim34
\_(O.0)_/
 
12Jim34's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: England
I enjoyed this, good job mate It's well written, quite cryptic. But it's not like cheesy or cliche with the vocabulary and structure; something I believe happens too often these days.

I couldn't exactly decipher the subject matter though. Maybe some kind of event happened between two people that made one of them start believing in a god? Or maybe that is a metaphor for something, I can't tell. I'm no good with things like this

Thanks again for your feedback over at my thread
__________________
THE MISANTHROPE
YouTube | Get my EP & Album | Facebook
12Jim34 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2014, 02:35 PM   #3
Glyph-
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
I thought this was amazing, you captured the sense of poetic journey so well, especially with the ending, this is something i am trying to master/incorporate myself atm
Glyph-
Glyph- is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-16-2014, 08:05 AM   #4
Eccer
Serial Lurker
 
Eccer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Oh that warms my heart Glyph, I had forgotten this piece. Was nice to read again, I was inspired when a Christian asked me "don't you believe anything?" And this is sorta my answer to him, but way overdue...
Eccer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-19-2014, 08:16 PM   #5
broken_bottles
Registered User
 
broken_bottles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: England
The "you and I just won't see it the same" bit is, for me, a little on the nose. The juxtaposition of the interrogative (all those questions) and the dreamlike (the irregular enjambment) in the first half is well done because it mirrors the juxtaposition between god / godlessness; I just feel that lines like the above break the tonality.

In keeping with the juxtaposition, I would also like to see more juxtaposed images to make the thematic contrasts more explicit. See Elizabethan sonnets for great examples of this (e.g. Wyatt) or the Petrarch he pilfered.
__________________
"You can never quarantine the past."
broken_bottles is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-19-2014, 09:25 PM   #6
Eccer
Serial Lurker
 
Eccer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Thanks for the critique. I agree with you on that stanza, in fact I was never really satisfied with this (the whole piece). Yes, there are much to be studied yet, but I will check it out what you mentioned. Read through some of your old pieces btw, had a laugh You should write more!
Eccer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-20-2014, 08:24 AM   #7
broken_bottles
Registered User
 
broken_bottles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: England
They're awful! I signed in for the first time in a long time and read them; it's like watching old footage of yourself.

Thank you, though.
__________________
"You can never quarantine the past."
broken_bottles is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2014, 06:14 PM   #8
AmirMaor
Registered User
 
AmirMaor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
I liked the name
very good.
AmirMaor is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:26 PM.

Forum Archives / About / Terms of Use / Advertise / Contact / Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2014
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.