Go Back   UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com > Music > Songwriting & Lyrics
User Name  
Password
Search:

Reply
Old 12-07-2012, 07:28 AM   #1
pixiesfanyo
the pain is easy
 
pixiesfanyo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: idyllwild, california
dyin' slowly

i caught a pair of shopping lists
and old reciepts while fishing for
memorables amongst our shit.

they're now a write off on my taxes
that's it. a sentimental financial mess
caused by your so called "lackluster tryst".

now i feel we are poised like this.
like filed paper work, full of empty phrases
all for the wanderlust of a stray kiss.

stuck admist my forgetable notions
of love and bliss. how and who i'm expected
to miss.
but i don't.
i feel cold and wasted.
i beg for you to not exist,
because weakness is just too empty to resist.

Last edited by pixiesfanyo : 12-07-2012 at 07:34 AM.
pixiesfanyo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2012, 09:46 AM   #2
kdownes
one among the Fence
 
kdownes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Star IV
The "ist/iss" rhyming scheme got a little tiring by the end. Thematically, it works, I guess, but I can't help but wonder if there were some better word choices. Or even mix it up with two or three different repeated rhymes. Also, I stumbled a little over the two "like"s so close together in the third stanza. Outside of that, though, I really enjoyed this. It's straightforward, no bullshit approach is something I'm a fan of, but it never comes across as uninspired. Thanks for the words on mine.
__________________
kdownes is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:11 PM.

Forum Archives / About / Terms of Use / Advertise / Contact / Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2014
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.