10-09-2012, 03:24 AM
|
#1 |
|
Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2012
|
Aeterna Solatium Domum
Bubbling echo
of warmth spread out as well as over human geographical oddities. Asymmetrical visage - Old family pictures laid out like waves crashing cleanly against inconsistent red carpeting, laid out like dunes of sand running from Lawrence of Arabia on old concrete. Cavernous openings of coffin-makers spilling language. I love you, too. I’ll see you soon. I’m beginning to understand who the players are and what the game is. |
|
|
|
10-13-2012, 03:20 AM
|
#2 |
|
Registered User
Join Date: Sep 2012
|
Whoa, this is a pretty heavy write. I like this. The flow is cool, like a freaky, technical, proggy piece. Good job.
__________________
 ::::::::  *******  AAAHH! OH NO! STOP SHOOTING ME!!! |
|
|
|
|
10-13-2012, 06:07 AM
|
#3 |
|
mon titre d'utilisateur
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: In the bucket at the end of time.
|
You should continue to post here.
I also really like this, but I'm always on the fence about ending amazing poems with little quips. This one no exception.
__________________
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー じーんせいはっわんつー！ぱんち・・・ "Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching |
|
|
|
|
10-13-2012, 03:12 PM
|
#4 |
|
Registered User
Join Date: Sep 2012
|
I'm imagining the little quip be put into like a whisper at the end, with like just a mic feedback or something, and then cut out.
__________________
:::::::: ******* AAAHH! OH NO! STOP SHOOTING ME!!! |
|
|
|
|
10-15-2012, 12:26 PM
|
#5 |
|
Banned
Join Date: May 2009
Location: The London Borough of Croydon, GB
|
Deep.
This song was deep, loving the subject matter and the language used, with not over using metaphores but keeping some excellent flowing descriptions up; that was cool. |
|
|
|
|
10-15-2012, 02:39 PM
|
#6 |
|
So-Called New-Age(d) Poet
Join Date: Aug 2007
|
It's the first time I've read something from you I think, and you sound like a good writer to keep an eye on.
__________________
My Pieces Friendship The Vulture Eh-bits Tandem New one: There's Nothing As Silent As A Cry Forn Help |
|
|
|
 |
«
Previous Thread
|
Next Thread
»
| Thread Tools |
|
|
All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:54 PM.