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Old 02-27-2013, 07:29 PM   #1
Dean Washburn
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Join Date: Jan 2013
The Roots of all Evil

The murder of a tree
A thought unforeseen

Hacking at the base
Ready to embrace
A lifeless corpse
Struck without remorse

The innocent trunk
Butchered in chunks

Bagging it's Remains
A Sick and Twisted game
Shipping Dead wood
To your local neighborhood

Sitting by the fire
Will Fume an attire

The Burning Heat
As wood and Flames meet
A sense of peace
It's comfortably neat

Death in a rubble Sack
The joy's of a pyromaniac



It's a Poem rather than a lyric or 'songwriting' however I want to share to help some people get some inspiration when it comes to writing.


The title was very hard to come up with, I figured 'Tree Killer' wasn't much of an eye-catcher

Last edited by Dean Washburn : 03-01-2013 at 06:27 PM.
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Old 02-28-2013, 03:11 AM   #2
Eccer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dean Washburn
The Murder of a tree
Butchering it's Body
Bagging it's Remains
A Sick and Twisted game

Shipping Dead wood
To your local neighborhood
Take some home
Gotta keep warm

This first two stanzas has flow to them, but I think they're... a little bit stale.

Sitting by the fire
Will Fume an attire

The Burning Heat
As wood and Flames meet
A sense of peace
It's comfortably neat

Death in a rubble Sack
The joy's of a pyromaniac

The last three stanzas here was allright Again good flow.


It's a nice little piece you got here, though I would consider revising it. To see if whether there is anything you would like to change
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Old 03-01-2013, 05:31 PM   #3
Dean Washburn
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eccer
It's a nice little piece you got here, though I would consider revising it. To see if whether there is anything you would like to change


Cheers, I understand what you mean, the first two are lacking. I'll see what I can conjure up and re-edit when done.

Thanks for the feedback
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Old 03-06-2013, 01:28 PM   #4
a2sas2in
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Dont alwas try to rhyme. Simply the rhythm and sound (not like a rhyme, but the fit each other) of some words are good together. Or just use big/clever words ;P that always works
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Old 03-10-2013, 03:06 PM   #5
Eccer
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Great, you managed to make this better. But still the rhymes seems kinda forced in a way, but I think it's acceptable. Due to its short length, keep writing!
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