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Old 02-27-2013, 07:55 PM   #1
YesterdaysToday
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Lightbulb The Silence of Desperation [Prog Death] C4C {TG, GP5, GP4}

Here's a piece I submitted quite a long time ago, but now it has been completely remade, and remastered. I really do hope you enjoy, and any critique you have would be greatly appreciated (remember, that means DO NOT go easy on me. If you dislike it, scold me!). Finally critique for critique. Thank you!

EDIT: Whoops! Completely forgot to mention that the entire jazzy section is done with a loop pedal, and has a lead improvise solo over the top.
Attached Files
File Type: zip WIP.zip (22.2 KB, 27 views)
File Type: gp5 WIP Gp5.gp5 (118.0 KB, 164 views)
File Type: gp4 WIP Gp4.gp4 (62.7 KB, 23 views)

Last edited by YesterdaysToday : 02-27-2013 at 08:23 PM.
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Old 02-28-2013, 08:19 AM   #2
xbitmetal
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I love the dissonant part . And overall awesome.
Keyboards to spice up?
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Old 02-28-2013, 03:08 PM   #3
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Bit too melodic for me :s Not a particularly engaging key or scale choice either. Some chord patterns worked well and would sound good on their own or in a different song. The sudden deathy bit at around bar 70 threw me a bit, but the patterns of the chords sound vaguely comical in their rhythms. The dissonance is good though, nice sweep patterns. Nice opethy bit at 112. Outro was alright, but it ended on a major chord and it just sounded silly.
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Old 02-28-2013, 07:07 PM   #4
YesterdaysToday
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EpiExplorer
Bit too melodic for me :s Not a particularly engaging key or scale choice either. Some chord patterns worked well and would sound good on their own or in a different song. The sudden deathy bit at around bar 70 threw me a bit, but the patterns of the chords sound vaguely comical in their rhythms. The dissonance is good though, nice sweep patterns. Nice opethy bit at 112. Outro was alright, but it ended on a major chord and it just sounded silly.



Would you care to elaborate as to what you mean about the chordal patterns "[working] well and would sound good on their own or in a different song," Also, as to what you mean by the comical rhymes. I deffinately feel like this is nothing but a second draft of an original idea, so obviously it needs quite a bit of work. Thanks for the critique by the way! Is there anything you would like me to crit?
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Old 02-28-2013, 07:08 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xbitmetal
I love the dissonant part . And overall awesome.
Keyboards to spice up?


I don't think I'm going to add any keyboards, and if I do, it will be to add ambient effects in backing tracks during record sessions. Thank you though!
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Old 03-01-2013, 10:56 AM   #6
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Bars 30-38 definitely need ambient keyboard effects, because with just the band, I find it a bit boring, and 37 and 38 could be one bar of 4/4. For me, the piece goes downhill from bar 68 onwards. I'd say that was the only part that felt deathy to me, and if that was taken out and made into its own piece, it'd be good, however, it ruins that happy, calm atmosphere the piece had until this moment. I think here, you have two songs that have potential, the only thing I'll say is I think you'll divide opinions if you got this professionally recorded with a band, personally, I really don't think I'd like this song if it was professionally recorded, however, I would love to see you do this live, it's a niche market, but if your band is tight, I think you could excel with these sort of compositions.
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Old 03-02-2013, 08:17 PM   #7
amonamarthmetal
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It sounds like BTBAM. not a fan of the spastic dissonant parts.
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