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Old 03-11-2013, 02:52 PM   #1
vintage x metal
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WotW: phone poems (I & II)

I.

the same light strained through cerulean sieve
your veins, your eyes
the sky, the sea
scattered columns that line the insides of my cheeks
blue raspberry tongue when I'm too shy to speak



II.

love is just sympathy,
the overwhelming urge that makes
beauty converge -
a oneness found through
the fingers and skull
that muddies the details
of corporeal world -
two pairs of eyes can read all sets of tongues
but once they are locked, everything only hums
and the volume between them will quiver and crack
until everything comes, until
everyone comes.
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Old 03-12-2013, 12:06 AM   #2
#1 synth
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goddamn, you are so good. i think most people would say your strong point is your imagery. but i disagree. its your wonderful control of sonics and soft sounds that makes your poetry so readable and resonant.
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Old 03-16-2013, 01:15 AM   #3
brokencoastline
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This was so good, Saadia. Dylan makes an interesting point. I've always thought of your poetry as very centered on imagery and that's usually what I notice first in it, but at least with this poem, the sonics took over and the imagery came after. I think it's a good thing. I hope you're doing well.
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waking amnesia / receding nostalgia

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Old 03-16-2013, 10:30 AM   #4
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Very good job... i like your lyrics.. keep posting
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Old 03-16-2013, 05:05 PM   #5
samoo
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Fantastic writing. You have a wonderful flow, the first is just a joy to read. The start of the second wasn't as natural a read for me, the last five lines are lovely though.
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Old 03-17-2013, 01:35 AM   #6
21wickwing
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This was an amazing read. I was really absorbed by this.
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Old 03-17-2013, 01:36 AM   #7
Eissac123
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Friggin AwEsOmE
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Old 03-23-2013, 11:43 AM   #8
vintage x metal
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thanks you so much everyone. I'm so happy these were enjoyed
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Old 03-27-2013, 03:59 AM   #9
culex-knight
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Location: In the bucket at the end of time.
haven't posted here yet, but, as usual, these were really good.
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Old 04-02-2013, 07:34 PM   #10
seventh_angel
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Congrats Saadia. I agree with Dylan; at least for the past year you developed a very flowed rhythm that really stands out on your pieces.

Keep on sticking around.
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