RedDeath9

Yeah man. The intro is goddamn awesome but the rest of the song doesn't do it justice.

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CYOA: Awakening

frankibo

Yeah that's fair enough, I get what you're both saying. Any suggestions on what I could do specifically to improve it?

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BloodReverence

Mia's Veil is the only one that I can say I'd truly enjoy if recorded. A lot of this sounds uninspired to me man. There's some really good riffs sitting around in here but you usually overemphasize the weaker parts of the songs instead of the stronger parts.

Mia's Veil, bar 20, is my favourite moment on all the songs I listened to (which was about 5-6). The opening chug to chord sequence was also nice to hear after all the other chugging parts in your songs.

I think the reason why I like this one the most is cause it reminds me more of The Black Dahlia Murder than djent bands.

Sorry dude but when you're doing the djent stuff, most of the time it sounds uninspired or like you're just trying to fit in with what other bands are doing instead of finding your own sound and claiming it. It's too cookie-cutter and there were no real exciting moments to them.

I think what you should try doing is incorporate more moods within your pieces. For me, I feel like most of your songs don't really go anywhere, they just continue on a loop with one general feel. Try exploring moods within your songs and using a bit more structure to them.

frankibo

Haha that's one of my least favourite bits in one of my least favourite songs of that lot.
I think this is just a solid difference of musical taste genre wise.

The mood point is very good though, I'll explore that more. I do tend to stick to one theme rather than branching out a lot.
Thanks for the crit.

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Macabre_Turtle

So far I've listened to Drop. I must say, I'm impressed with how unpredictable it was. Like at 17 when it goes to a synth bass groove reminiscent of old school Nine Inch Nails. Stuff like that I wasn't expecting but totally worked. I have no complaints about any of the composition, but if I had to suggest one thing to work with I'd say, maybe change a few things when you redo the intro as the outro. Perhaps by adding distorted rhythm guitars to it. Or maybe chopping up the synth lead in weird unexpected ways (sudden rests, or making some notes shorter or longer than others). Or maybe giving some kind of rhythm to the long notes on the bass, and switching the drums to a traditional breakdown pattern so it's unexpectedly heavy instead of groovey. Anything really. Those are just some ideas.

I'll look at another song or two when I get a moment. I was pleasantly surprised with that.

Erra93

Listening to Mass, this song would be perfect to set the mood in a horror movie! Obviously the Vildhjarta influences are there, but the song doesn't feel forced, I think it's done pretty tasteful.

It's not the kind of music I usually listen to, but if I wanted to scare myself walking home late at night, in a dark alley, I would have this playing, haha.

The intro to Animals sounds like a Diablo soundtrack, which is cool.

2.. whatever part it is that comes at bar 35 is really refreshing since it's a little happy

7 Navi, this song is really great, it has that depressing mood set by the clean guitars and then comes the distorted extra sadness, it's like nothing I've heard before, in a good way.
All the guitar solo-things really add to the overall feeling of the song. I would say this is sort of the opposite of your song May March.

The part at bar 71 is probably my favourite, I'm a sucker for such happy-depressy-sounding progressions. The outro with that little solo reminds me of Title Fight's depressing-mood-songs, I would probably say this is my favourite song.

Imhotep is another song I fall in love with as soon as it starts, it sounds like the end of the world is closing in on us pretty much throughout the song! The spooky bass part was pretty cool, not sure what else to say, it was a solid song!

Haha, the intro to Drop is great, I love the synth part, so egyptian yet.. funny sounding with the claps in the background, it's like the beginning of a djent rap song.

Pretty much the only thing I miss in some of your song is a little more note progression, I mean, it's all incredibly well-written, I just love it when there's a sort of "happy" part in an otherwise "angry" song, like the part at bar 71 in Navi

Then comes Soar and slaps me in the face and gives me what I want.

Contemplation & Condemnation (yeah, it's an old song), I think I've tried and failed miserably to write a similar part to "It's Big and Loud and Epic." that starts at bar 290 at least a thousand times, but I never seem to get that jazzy feel!

Navi, Soar, Contemplation & Condemnation, Colossus and May March are probably my favourite songs of yours, would you happen to know any bands that play similarly and any song that most closely resemble the style of any of the songs?

What's great about your songs is if I don't actually like a song, it's still interesting enough to listen to because how well-written it is!

Also, you should really start recording your songs! Keep it up!

Also also, if this was a good enough crit, I'd really appreciate one last crit on the finished version (v6) of "Mentalcore song" (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...d.php?t=1495946)

Also also also, thanks for the inspiration you brought me!

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Proud Of The Crows | Home | There's always money in the banana stand | Mentalcore song

guitar_jew

Have to praise Animals. Sure, everyone has, but ****, it's good. The ending long note could be one bar shorter, though.

CH-CH-CHUG. CH-CH-CHUG. CH-CH-CHUG. CH-CH-CHUG. CHUG CHUG. CHUG. '2' in a nutshell. I'm listening to these out of order, so this is number 3 or 4 for me, but the chugging is getting stale. These definitely should be cherry picked if they are to be included on any large scale project- they'd drag for days if it was its own album. The long distorted chord section grooved better, anyway, IMO. Some of the chromaticism is nice, but since it just adds a flash of color instead of being a texture all its own, it doesn't add too much, really.

Mia's Veil- The chord use is a beautiful change of pace from the chugfests so far. You seem to use a lot of the same harmonies frequently, especially that Veil of Maya harmonic minor metalcore. These songs on their own are usually fine, but because of that common element in most of them, they start to get predictable when listened to together. Yay for solo drum fill, though.

Navi is nice, the suspensions in the beginning are beautiful. You seem to have a talent for ambience, but have difficulty executing the heavy sections. The breakdown-y section at 51 grooved pretty hard, though, for sure. Novelty aside, sometimes it's important to just ****ing rock out with your **** out, y'know? The syncopated riff leading up to the long clean chords was fun, too.

Cavern is fun space-out stuff. When it speeds up, I noticed myself bobbing my head. It could work as an intro for sure, but it's better IMO if it ends at 70.

Mass is alright, but GP absolutely ruins all those bends and slides. The polyrhythmic fun at 60 sounded awesome, though.

Imhotep is great. It stays atmospheric, but without being overly repetitive. It doesn't get boring for a second, although I feel the bit around 150-ish should be its own piece. The thrashy feel doesn't fit at all, since it's already gone on for quite a while as an atmospheric work.

The synthesized bass in Drop was cool throughout. Not much else to say after that. You can tell these were written on a new 8 string by someone who hasn't played one before. I imagine I'd be doing much the same thing if I were ever to get one. In line with my fusion tastes, I suppose, I'd prefer for the octave line (repeats at 82) to go 11-12-11-13-12 in the same timing.

Soar is one of my favorites. Good enough for me to forgive the chugging, even. The strings and chordage add a lot to this one.

Not really familiar with 12 tone rows, but this one sounds cool enough.

28 gets cooler when the harmonies come in on that octave bit.

C4C? I know you've heard some of it before, but whatever you want to crit, I appreciate the feedback. http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...d.php?t=1566286

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Saturn 9- Post hardcore/ melodic metalcore album. Hopefully it's not generic garbage?

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RedDeath9

Well, I wouldn't mind hearing the intro in a more intense environment. Like, fast-paced dreams underneath, maybe sweeping out the chord progression, or putting a crazy solo over it. Overall, I just would've liked it to go in a faster-paced, energetic direction, rather than the slow chugging that you've got going on. But eh, it's all good if that's what you want.

Also, 12 tone is pretty cool. I love how the fact that it's in 15/8 makes it work with the 6/8 AND 5/8 drumline. Cool as hell.

EDIT: Wow, Animals is VERY similar to Wave of Babies.

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CYOA: Awakening

frankibo

Haha yeah it is... I think musically it's actually not similar at all but on a superficial over all sort of sound and feel kinda level it is very similar.;

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Slashiepie

huh... wth? because keys inherently posses qualities that make them outstandingly different from each other...!?

Let me guess, the key of d minor is the saddest of all?

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Elo88

Hey i just bought an 8 string a few days ago, check out my channel and tell me what you think, of my recordings
http://www.youtube.com/user/SoundOf...on?feature=mhee

RedDeath9

Well, it's pretty likely that the songs would all run together on an album. Also, it might be a good idea to try to write out of E, just to get some new ideas.

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CYOA: Awakening

Ometh

The amount of stupid in this post is astounding.


Go away you whore.

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Macabre_Turtle

His point was clearly that he has a bad habit of being in the same key all the time, which most metal bands do.

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Full Album Guitar Pro Tab

guitar_jew

And for the record, D Minor is absolutely the saddest of all keys.

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Saturn 9- Post hardcore/ melodic metalcore album. Hopefully it's not generic garbage?

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frankibo

I tend to find plenty of people try to be different and write in a different key to normal (i.e. the key of the drop tuning they're in.) All they tend to do is write something difficult to play that is just simplified by changing to the appropriate drop tuning in line with that key.

So for example I'm in Drop C. I write in C minor all the time and C major occasionally. To make a change I think I'll write in C# major. All I end up with is a load of difficult to play wank using the 1st 3rd 4th 6th frets. It looks all interested and different in tab form I guess. But I might as well just put in Drop C# and have it all on the 0 2nd 3rd and 5th frets and have it easy to play.

Hope that made sense and wasn't just a pointless rant.

Basically I just don't worry about writing in a particular key, I tend to just write in the key of the drop tuning I use. I have guitars in C, A#, G# and E and I'd make an album out of songs written in all those, not just one, so they've be key variety.

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