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Old 02-02-2013, 06:32 AM   #1
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Acoustic, slightly ominous. C4C

Any criticism on how i could go about writing a bass line and chorus melody would be great.
As stated in title C4C.
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File Type: mid lucious.mid (21.7 KB, 26 views)
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Old 02-02-2013, 08:38 AM   #2
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Join Date: May 2008
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'Salright actually, but my main crits would be:

The melody/oboe is far to simplistic and doesn't really add anything to the song without the right chords.

Second bit, the chorus could do with a lot of livening up. Here's some reworkings a la Epi.

Also, why does everyone in the pit treat you like Jebus?

Quickedit: Only changed chorus 1.
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File Type: gp4 luciouswhatsitEpification.gp4 (23.0 KB, 55 views)
( ^.^) ( ᵘ ᵕ ᵘ)

Originally Posted by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
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Old 02-02-2013, 08:56 AM   #3
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Yeah man defiantly it really added ALOT to the song and kind of threw it straight into the park i wanted it to be originally. Thank you a bunch. Now to work on a nice bass line (wish me luck).

And its because i joined up when on the 1st of january but for some people it says 31st December.. It's pretty annoying to deal with. I try and keep out of the pit :P
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Old 02-02-2013, 06:03 PM   #4
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Heeere we goo... Haven't done a critting spree in a loong time.

I dig the intro chords, they r da prettz. The F in the sixth measure kinda bugged me, but an F# doesn't sound better, so yeah, keep that as it is lol. Also, a tip: the clean MIDI guitar sounds like garbage, way too tiny: use the jazz one instead. I switched the third track to a jazz guitar and it sounded alot better. The drums are simple but they work, I guess. Like Pie already mentioned, the eboe line is simple, but I could see it working with real clean vocals. The first chorus reminds me of Alcest, although it had nothing to do with the song influence wise, I'm guessing. It's prettu good. It also has some nice extra shiz going on, like the strumming guitar and piano, and makes the next section and previous one a bit lackluster in that aspect. Fill 'em up, they'll sound nicer. I don't really like the transition into the second verse, it's a bit abrupt. A drum fill with the guitars ringing out would provably fix it. The second verse is equal to the first, and I don't really dig that. Add some small variations: a different drum beat or a different strumming pattern would be nice. I like the piano arpeggios in the bridge, although it's a bit generic it works. The drums agre getting pretty boring, but then again noone has to dig drum programming. I just happen to enjoy a nice drum track. The lack of bass is pretty evident, and it's probably the reason why some of the sections feel so empty. If you happen to program the bass don't just go for the root notes: although it's a pretty simple way to write a bass track, a dynamic bass track would add alot of depth in such a simplistic piece. Overall, pretty nice work, although it could do with some new riffs, since it's a bit on the repetitive side. 6/10.

EDIT: Here's the song for you to crit back. You'll probably hate it but oh well, just try to be as objective and unbiased as possible: I don't mind bad crits, just small ones.
Originally Posted by slapsymcdougal
I'm cockblocked regularly by my appearance and personality.

Last edited by Ometh : 02-02-2013 at 06:04 PM.
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Old 02-03-2013, 03:10 AM   #5
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Wow man thank you so much. so true on all accounts.
Sorry i couldn't make my crit for yours as long
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