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Old 01-28-2016, 01:21 AM   #9001
couchdweller
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 20Tigers
She doesn't get on with her family and has one good friend left. If she told the story three different ways as to how it went down and the version you got was the only one that sounded like rape then I would be worried about the manipulation factor.

Cutting is not a sign of a healthy mind, make sure she doesn't refuse to get help and develop an emotional dependency on you. Also if you make a reasonable attempt at trying and she refuses then maybe just walk away. I believe in helping people but not in becoming an emotional vampires bloodbag, so if you find her draining you...walk away.


Couldn't agree more, the last bit of a 5 year relationship I was in turned out like that at the very end and I lost myself down a rabbit hole with that woman, promised myself i'd never let it happen again, so if i feel it again i'm just going to turn around. Me and this new girl really have a lot in common.
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Old 01-28-2016, 03:13 AM   #9002
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Quote:
Originally Posted by couchdweller
Thanks guys, I concur on trying to be there and help her through it. 20Tiger's its funny you should mention the latter scenario of underplayed willingness/consent, I actually noticed she gave me and her friends 3 different stories about how it actually went down, where mine was more of a "I don't even know what happened". But immediately followed by "i'm sorry, I was being stupid". She's a very cautious woman so the fact that she'd let her self get driven home by him without the thought of "this could happen" crossing her mind is bogus to me, hah.

The guilt and need to even apologize tells me she probably wanted to do it, which is kind of a blow to the chest :/ But I can see why she'd say it that way to me, she doesn't get along with her family at all, and yet she's living with her 2 sisters and mother in a 2 bedroom apartment, has some social anxieties, has only one good friend left besides me.

I'm going to do my best to swallow my pride, be her friend and try to make sure she gets help, after all more than likely it's no one's fault it happened. Being calm about it has been extremely difficult considering all the different directions i'm being pulled emotionally. I appreciate the feedback from both of you guys.


I'd stop worrying about whether she's telling the truth. Anyone who has potentially gone through rape will not act in a cookie cutter way, or through normal expectation. Have her seek out help, and then let her go through the motions.

Anything else is extremely insignificant, as you being lied to isn't something that should be on your mind. Take care of that after. Way after.
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once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

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Old 01-28-2016, 10:38 PM   #9003
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Well it's been resolved so to speak, we're both taking a social hiatus, so we can go back to being friends in the future, getting rid of all the touchy feels, hah. She's getting checked out by a doctor and I suggested she take a little bit of therapy. Its up to her now.
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Old 02-02-2016, 07:44 AM   #9004
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I'm currently working as a summer intern (southern hemisphere, whaaat) and I think I'm developing feelings for one of them. She's a year below me but she's pretty cool. We're both always rostered on the same days so we tend run into each other often. Internship finishes in about 2 weeks, but we take the same course at the same school (although she is a year younger.)

Would it be cool to ask out a co-intern or would that be awk because we working together
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Old 02-02-2016, 08:38 AM   #9005
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Sure it would, treat her like a gentleman, don't shit where you sleep (coz they don't like that at all), and you should be fine. Just be aware if she rejects you you will have to live with it and trust yourself you can still act around her in a professional manner.

Good luck.
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Old 02-02-2016, 09:12 AM   #9006
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Could have a potential date on Friday, just waiting for the other to get back to me (They've not been on Skype for a couple of days and I don't have a phone right now, which makes this tricky)

Here's hoping. She seemed really keen, so that's always a plus!
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Old 02-09-2016, 03:58 AM   #9007
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So after all the shit that went on with that last person I mentioned in this thread I've now moved on to someone else after a bunch of shit went down. I started talking to a friend about it and she was really helpful. Now I'm starting to crush on her a bit so then I starting telling my OTHER friend about my new crush because I don't know if I'm moving on too fast or what and she starts sounding pretty jealous. She said shit like "Did you ever fall for me?" "I know you liked me" "I guess I'm not really cute or sweet am I?" "Maybe they like a nice cute boy who wants to be andro with them and not just you" She tries playing it off later as if she was "joking". Meanwhile the girl I like is a decent artist with a decent follow and thus gets a bunch of really horny/desperate people trying to gain her affections which kinda makes me feel insecure/unconfident. This is really vexing and I don't know how I should deal with this shit.
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Old 02-14-2016, 01:07 PM   #9008
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Hi all,

I messaged this question to some other users, and I appreciate it if anyone was going to reply but just hasn't got round to it yet etc; but I'm not sure what to do, and really need some advice, so I'm posting here as well -

So last week I met a girl, we were in a study group from Monday to Friday with like 10 other people. We spoke a few times, got on pretty well and on Friday I asked her out (which was a big thing for me as I've been out of 'the game' for like 2/3 years).
I said to her
"It's been cool seeing you this week, I was wondering if you're free over the weekend would you like to meet up, get a cup of coffee sometime?" etc.
She said "I'm going home this weekend" (won't be in college) So I said like "okay cool, well have a nice break etc." and left.

In retrospect, I wouldn't have just left it at that and would have asked for her number to arrange something for the future, but I didn't. So my question is, should I add her on Facebook, and ask if she'd like to do something in the future?
If so, how should I do it? Should I ask for her number on FB and call her or just send her a message?

I know FB is kind of the pussy choice, but I don't have another way of contacting her.

I'm really not sure what to do, and would appreciate any advice;

Thanks
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Old 02-14-2016, 01:18 PM   #9009
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Wait for her to come back, and ask her when another opportunity opens up. You don't want to flood her with requests after she recently told you she couldn't make it to one you invited her to. Facebook isn't necessarily a bad option, just let the situation cool before you attempt it.

Chemistry is important when you begin to speak to someone. There are times when you don't immediately click, and while that may not be an immediate disqualifier, it is a sign to slow down any advances. Ideally, you'd feel an instant comfort, but if it's not there, I'd wait to see if it's a case of either of you being timid. If more time passes and you feel as if you're two stones in a jar, then pursuing that person may be a lost cause.
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Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

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once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
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Old 02-14-2016, 01:28 PM   #9010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by megano28
Wait for her to come back, and ask her when another opportunity opens up. You don't want to flood her with requests after she recently told you she couldn't make it to one you invited her to. Facebook isn't necessarily a bad option, just let the situation cool before you attempt it.

Chemistry is important when you begin to speak to someone. There are times when you don't immediately click, and while that may not be an immediate disqualifier, it is a sign to slow down any advances. Ideally, you'd feel an instant comfort, but if it's not there, I'd wait to see if it's a case of either of you being timid. If more time passes and you feel as if you're two stones in a jar, then pursuing that person may be a lost cause.

Okay thanks a lot man; I may see her around when college starts again the week after next - but it's unlikely as we are in two separate buildings/areas of the college, and I've never seen her around before this week.
Would you recommend FBing her if I don't see her when college starts again?
Okay thanks for the chemistry question; (that wasn't to do with the girl I asked out on Fri, that was about somebody else) I do appreciate all the advice as I don't really have anyone to discuss this with as my friends don't talk about this stuff

Last edited by RajjaJroach : 02-14-2016 at 01:30 PM.
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Old 02-14-2016, 01:46 PM   #9011
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I thought you said you two were in a study session? Either way, the idea is that you let that go long enough so it doesn't feel like you're pounding her with advances. I don't know how long your college is off for, but make sure it's not 3 days after the fact or something similar.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote:
Originally Posted by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
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Old 02-14-2016, 02:08 PM   #9012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by megano28
I thought you said you two were in a study session? Either way, the idea is that you let that go long enough so it doesn't feel like you're pounding her with advances. I don't know how long your college is off for, but make sure it's not 3 days after the fact or something similar.

Yeah that's right, in the study sessions this week there were two girls I quite liked, but only 'clicked' with one of them, who was the one I asked out on Friday. My college is off for one week (starting Monday) then we go back on the following week. So we basically have a week off.
My concern is that I just won't see her when college starts again, because we're in totally different classes.

So would you say to add her on Fb when we go back to college and ask her then??

Last edited by RajjaJroach : 02-15-2016 at 05:13 AM.
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Old 02-15-2016, 02:23 AM   #9013
mr.retard
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So I've never dated before so if it sounds like I don't know what I'm talking about or sound like an idiot that's why.

So I've been messaging this girl back and forth on OkCupid for a week. Nothing too serious. We haven't talked a whole lot. Just a message or two a day. Just talking about are jobs, pets, and are taste in music.

So what do I do now? Do I ask for her number or ask her out? Or is it too soon for that?

Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks
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Old 02-15-2016, 06:07 AM   #9014
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Hey, been forever since I've posted here - but for the first time ages I need some advice on girls

Current situation:

Met a girl from tinder. She had ended a long term relationship a few months ago and was just now getting back into seeing people We went on a date - she was smart, funny, and we clicked really well. One of those occasional people you meet where everything just falls into place and there is a lot of chemistry. We had a good kiss at the end of the date.

Unfortunately, I just had to move out of town for 10 weeks (Literally the day after our first date). I'm in medical school and have been placed in the middle of nowhere for the next little while. Pretty shitty town not near anything, no night life of any sort, very little do. Pretty much just going to the hospital, studying, and going to the gym. That's all fine, but I'm stuck in a bit of a situation that I haven't been in before:

Having had a good first encounter with a girl but the second meeting being very delayed (10 weeks in this case). We had a good chat after the date, and she definitely enjoyed meeting me, but I'm unsure where to proceed from here. We've had occasional short chats a few times a week over the last few weeks which have been good. A bit of flirting, a bit of teasing, and a bit of joking around, but with not people able to see each other in this crucial time period, I can kinda feel the potential for the start of dating/fwb/a relationship fading a bit. There's still another 6 weeks till I get back, and I'm not really sure how to play it till then.

Minimal texting and wait for the meet up? Ignore completely and ask out again when I get back? Just keep it friendly until I see her again? But with that I risk losing out on the initial excitement/attraction that you get with getting to know someone properly in person.

I'm usually pretty chill about these things, but this is the first girl I've met in a while that I thought was really cool, so any advice I can get on how to play this i'd be happy to receive.
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Old 02-15-2016, 12:01 PM   #9015
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i almost stopped reading after "girl from tinder" because 99 out of 100 times what follows is going to be a broken, cringy situation, but you just might be the 1% lol. See if she's down to skype, texting removes any and all body language and vulnerability that may have attracted her to you. I dont mean be all overbearing about it, but see if she's down and then if she is maybe make skyping for an hour or two a weekly thing.
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Old 02-15-2016, 08:57 PM   #9016
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Originally Posted by Acϵ♠
i almost stopped reading after "girl from tinder" because 99 out of 100 times what follows is going to be a broken, cringy situation, but you just might be the 1% lol. See if she's down to skype, texting removes any and all body language and vulnerability that may have attracted her to you. I dont mean be all overbearing about it, but see if she's down and then if she is maybe make skyping for an hour or two a weekly thing.


I didn't think of skype, I might give it a go, thanks for the advice.

Tinder is awesome though:

1) Lift weights
2) Use douchey shirtless selfies as your pictures
3) Sleep with random girls and never talk to them again

In all seriousness, it's pretty sweet. Dated a few girls i met on there for a while, and it's always good for an occasional hook up.
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Old 02-15-2016, 10:37 PM   #9017
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So I've never dated before so if it sounds like I don't know what I'm talking about or sound like an idiot that's why.

So I've been messaging this girl back and forth on OkCupid for a week. Nothing too serious. We haven't talked a whole lot. Just a message or two a day. Just talking about are jobs, pets, and are taste in music.

So what do I do now? Do I ask for her number or ask her out? Or is it too soon for that?

Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks


Being that okcupid is a dating platform, it's pretty safe to assume she's looking for someone to date. So just tell her that while aimlessly talking over okcupid has been great, you'd love to meet up in person and grab some coffee. Don't do dinner or an activity. Let this be an introductory thing. Schedule it for a time of day where, if everything's going really well, you can ask if she's hungry or wants to grab a drink or something.
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Old 02-15-2016, 11:22 PM   #9018
mr.retard
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Originally Posted by justwanttosay
Being that okcupid is a dating platform, it's pretty safe to assume she's looking for someone to date. So just tell her that while aimlessly talking over okcupid has been great, you'd love to meet up in person and grab some coffee. Don't do dinner or an activity. Let this be an introductory thing. Schedule it for a time of day where, if everything's going really well, you can ask if she's hungry or wants to grab a drink or something.


All right. Thanks for the advice. You think I should ask for her number and ask her for coffee or something over the phone or just do it through OkCupid?
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Old 02-15-2016, 11:35 PM   #9019
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I don't know what the etiquette is on dating platforms so this might be violating some social convention, but personally, I'd just ask her for coffee directly on the platform, and if she says yes, ask for her digits.
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Old 02-15-2016, 11:43 PM   #9020
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All right. Thanks for your help.
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