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Old 05-28-2014, 09:02 AM   #1
Thecytochromec
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: 221b Baker st
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This is quite a bit different from my other stuff. Let me know what your thoughts are.



A feral soul tracks mud
And surely leaves a stain
Though it may a saving grace
Outside it will remain

Love will be its fodder
And blinders lead the game
How clever a girl To cage a beast
Without the use of chains

A feral soul tracks mud
It's stench we cannot stand
The outdoor air the fumes of fuel
And flowers fare the land

A routine engagement
A morsel for the wretch
When jaded with the taste
Return the spoiled catch

As the days go by it thickens
It's self its not aware
Dress it in our linens
The seams will surely tear

Whine cry and wallow
But soon the whimpers lull
Naive and weak cannot foresee
When time has come to cull

To murder ones love is not a crime
To waste it should be though
Impossible as it is
To turn the lovers soul

Last edited by Thecytochromec : 05-28-2014 at 09:04 AM.
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Old 05-30-2014, 08:40 AM   #2
Victorgeiger
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I really like this. Really cool flow and rhythm. I would have liked if you used more articles, I feel the flow would still work but good job
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Old 06-03-2014, 04:00 PM   #3
Thecytochromec
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Location: 221b Baker st
Thanks for the input Victor!

There were certainly articles in there and I had removed them in order to make it a bit more "poetic" In fact, I'm rather unsatisfied with this piece. I thought I liked it and now I don't. Thanks again for the kind words. Any other suggestions or comments are appreciated!
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