Go Back   UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com > UG Community > The Pit
User Name  
Password
Search:

Reply
Old Yesterday, 03:33 PM   #8421
megano28
GG
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
So you're bound to hanging out with these people?

Ok.

Ever since you brought this up, it's been constant bitching about how you're unhappy in this group, but you have no choice but returning, kissing this leader's ass to do so as you return. You have literally made this a "either I hang out with them, or I become a social outcast.' scenario. Like some 16 year old in highschool.

And good on trying to divert this to another time. I'm sure you fought with Ace yesterday as well.
megano28 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 03:35 PM   #8422
digman50
You may be rich
 
digman50's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: You may be poor
Can you not just go out and meet other people in your area? I'm sure there's some about, I know it's always awkward to make random new friends but if you put the effort in then I'm sure it's possible.

Go to a pub when the football is on and get talking to people about it or something or go to concerts and talk to the people there, although I understand it's hard to get to these places without a car. If not then be friends with the other ones and arrange things yourself rather than relying on them to invite you to something they've organised.




In other news, I've been talking to a girl recently. She's got confidence issues after being used by the last couple of guys she was with (they were in relationships already and kept it hidden from her so there's trust issues) and she's also got an illness called endometriosis which causes her a lot of pain. She seems really smart and she's nice, pretty etc. but I'm worried that if I go on a few dates with her and then end up backing out or something then I'll damage her confidence further, which I obviously don't want to do. I'm talking to other girls at the same time because it'd be a bit silly to put all my eggs in one basket at this stage.

I wasn't sure if I should make it clear or just play it as it goes or whatever. We've got a date arranged (for after our exams finish, so it's a while off) and I'm happy so far.

I'm not sure myself if I'm ready to get too deep into something, obviously it's only been a couple of months since I broke up with my ex and I've had a lot of issues dealing with that since then, with still living together and the situation back then. I know I feel ready to go on dates and be intimate with someone etc. but I know what I'm like and I don't want to chuck myself in deep as I always do and then end up hurting myself too. I suppose I also have a few confidence issues, to a certain level. I suppose I'm just looking for someone to go out and do fun stuff with without getting in to a proper, committed relationship.
__________________
You gotta move

Last edited by digman50 : Yesterday at 03:39 PM.
digman50 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 03:39 PM   #8423
megano28
GG
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by digman50
In other news, I've been talking to a girl recently. She's got confidence issues after being used by the last couple of guys she was with (they were in relationships already and kept it hidden from her so there's trust issues) and she's also got an illness called endometriosis which causes her a lot of pain. She seems really smart and she's nice, pretty etc. but I'm worried that if I go on a few dates with her and then end up backing out or something then I'll damage her confidence further, which I obviously don't want to do.


If she's already displaying these issues, I'd be careful about stepping into anything remotely serious. If you go into a relationship with open sores, it tends to contaminate the entire thing.

Not that there's anything wrong with her, but it's better to not be emotionally attached now, before you head into in, rather than go in and create a toxic environment.
megano28 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 03:46 PM   #8424
digman50
You may be rich
 
digman50's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: You may be poor
Quote:
Originally Posted by megano28
If she's already displaying these issues, I'd be careful about stepping into anything remotely serious. If you go into a relationship with open sores, it tends to contaminate the entire thing.

Not that there's anything wrong with her, but it's better to not be emotionally attached now, before you head into in, rather than go in and create a toxic environment.


Yeah, the illness can affect sex life stuff quite a lot from what I'm aware, which was quite a strong issue in my last relationship due to the fact I have a pretty high drive If I got close and then that was an issue I wouldn't be able to stay in a relationship but I wouldn't want to be all like "Oh yeah, I don't want a relationship with you because of your illness which you can't do anything about and you're already really anxious about and is making you suffer through loads of pain and has done for months."

I suppose I'll just see how it goes, I'll definitely be sure to tread carefully, I really don't want to knock her confidence cause she does seem sweet and other guys haven't been good before.

I know I have to be selfish to some extent because otherwise I'll end up in a similar situation to last time where I was stuck in a relationship that made me massively unhappy but I wouldn't leave because I didn't want to upset the other party.
__________________
You gotta move

Last edited by digman50 : Yesterday at 03:48 PM.
digman50 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 03:48 PM   #8425
megano28
GG
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Just remember, like with your last ex, that being honest is better for someone like her in the long run. If you let her down by telling her you don't want a relationship, it'll hurt much less in comparison to, lets say, telling her 5 months later that you don't want to be with her because their isn't enough sex etc..
megano28 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 03:51 PM   #8426
EndTheRapture51
Taylor Swift apologist
 
EndTheRapture51's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by megano28
So you're bound to hanging out with these people?

Ok.

Ever since you brought this up, it's been constant bitching about how you're unhappy in this group, but you have no choice but returning, kissing this leader's ass to do so as you return. You have literally made this a "either I hang out with them, or I become a social outcast.' scenario. Like some 16 year old in highschool.

And good on trying to divert this to another time. I'm sure you fought with Ace yesterday as well.


Well friend B is literally my best friend and has been for a good eight years now so really I'd like to stay on good terms with the group for his sake (until I can move out) because he's in a similar position (this town is really small) with few friends so having the tension between different parties is awkward for him. And I do really value him as a good friend so staying on at least amicable terms with the others for him, until I can actually move out is good.

But no, we had a disagreement in October, made up, and now he's gone on meltdown mode again after 4 months of little drama. I don't want the drama but I am not the one creating it, I just want everyone to get along.

What are you talking about? I tend to get on well with Ace all the time

Quote:
Originally Posted by digman50
Can you not just go out and meet other people in your area? I'm sure there's some about, I know it's always awkward to make random new friends but if you put the effort in then I'm sure it's possible.

In other news, I've been talking to a girl recently. She's got confidence issues after being used by the last couple of guys she was with (they were in relationships already and kept it hidden from her so there's trust issues) and she's also got an illness called endometriosis which causes her a lot of pain. She seems really smart and she's nice, pretty etc. but I'm worried that if I go on a few dates with her and then end up backing out or something then I'll damage her confidence further, which I obviously don't want to do.

I wasn't sure if I should make it clear or just play it as it goes or whatever. We've got a date arranged (for after our exams finish, so it's a while off) and I'm happy so far.

I'm not sure myself if I'm ready to get too deep into something, obviously it's only been a couple of months since I broke up with my ex and I've had a lot of issues dealing with that since then, with still living together and the situation back then. I know I feel ready to go on dates and be intimate with someone etc. but I know what I'm like and I don't want to chuck myself in deep as I always do and then end up hurting myself too. I suppose I also have a few confidence issues, to a certain level.


Being at the post-university phase of my life, most of my school friends have gone off on their own paths, whether that's getting engaged, moving out across the country, doing further study or going travelling across the world. Social dynamics have changed massively, so most of my school friends from my town are only available to hang out rarely at times like Easter or Christmas or Bank Holidays when they are back in town. As I said I am trying to move somewhere where most of my old uni friends are which would be a much busier place, but that's out of my control right now and I've just got to impress at an interview. But believe me, I do know the social dynamics of my town, going down the pub in the evening is full of Sixth Formers who are 5 years younger than me, or middle aged and older people. It' just that kind of town.

Regarding your situation digman, I'd be careful about stuff. After getting out of your pretty heavy last relationship you'll have to 100% make sure you know what you and this girl want before going into anything. Girls with confidence issues should always be treated carefully as they are prone to getting attached easily and overreacting. If she's got this illness you've got to be double careful, or at least if you just fool around for her to know that it is fooling around rather than something more serious.

It is obviously your decision because you might just be that kinda guy who goes for girls with "issues" but after your last relationship I would personally take stuff slowly rather than diving into something super serious so quickly after your last break up.
__________________
#WengerIN

Arsenal for 2nd place 2015


\_(ツ)_/



EndTheRapture51 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 03:51 PM   #8427
digman50
You may be rich
 
digman50's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: You may be poor
Quote:
Originally Posted by megano28
Just remember, like with your last ex, that being honest is better for someone like her in the long run. If you let her down by telling her you don't want a relationship, it'll hurt much less in comparison to, lets say, telling her 5 months later that you don't want to be with her because their isn't enough sex etc..


Yeah, I think being honest from the start will prevent any false expectations from being formed and stuff.

I'm at least hoping we'll both end up having a couple of nice nights out and dates and stuff if it doesn't work out.


EDIT: @Rapture, I don't think it's a type thing cause girls I was involved with before my last relationship weren't like that and other girls I'm talking to seem good so far.

I'll just make it clear when I go into it and hopefully everyone gets to have fun and no-one gets hurt

In terms of your scenario, I'd suggest just trying to organise things without friend A but with your other ones and hopefully that'll bridge the gap until you move elsewhere. I roughly understand what you mean, it happens a lot nowadays if you live in a small town due to people moving to uni and stuff
__________________
You gotta move

Last edited by digman50 : Yesterday at 03:56 PM.
digman50 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:57 AM.

Forum Archives / About / TOS / Advertise with us / Customer Support / Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2015
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.