Go Back   UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com > UG Community > The Pit
User Name  
Password
Search:

Reply
Old 12-23-2014, 03:28 PM   #7741
EndTheRapture51
UG Feminist Leader
 
EndTheRapture51's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Meet her again and do an evening date and go for the kiss next time if the signs are there.
__________________
#WengerOut

\_(ツ)_/
EndTheRapture51 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2014, 04:54 PM   #7742
20Tigers
1
 
20Tigers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by matt bickerton
Right so I've never asked for dating advice on a forum before (I think?), but here goes...

I've been seeing a girl for just about a month now and 2 weeks ago we became 'official'. Everyone I've told that immediately goes 'woah, that's fast!' and thinking about it I wonder if I agree with them.

We get on really well but I just can't shake that nagging feeling that we've jumped in at the deep end too quickly. I have expressed these concerns to her and while she does agree and is happy to attempt to slow things down, I also don't really feel like that's really happening.

Long story short, she's more than happy with how things are going and I guess seems very 'keen', whereas I'm still on the fence I suppose. As I say, we get along great, but I can't quite put my finger on why I'm still umming and ahhing about it all.

With that in mind, is it fair to keep things as they are? With me carrying on but still making my mind up, while she is well and truly into it all, or is it much fairer if I just end it for her sake? My conscience tells me the latter, but I also don't want to end up regretting something that could've been good...

EDIT: For a little more context, when I say I've been seeing her about a month, I mean I hadn't even met her before that (we met via a dating site), so it's not like it's a friendship that's progressed or anything, our ultimate intentions have been clear all along by the very fact that we were both on a dating site.

Don't worry so much about what other people think, and don't let what other people think influence your own views and how you feel about your relationships.

If you like the girl then go for it. The best way to sow doubt and insecurity in your relationship is fear.

Be fearless with love. Yes you might get hurt in the long run but that's what happens. Just go with it or get out. Don't try to keep one foot in one foot out for the sake of safety or because other people think you're going to fast. -What the hell would they know.
__________________
Si
20Tigers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2014, 05:13 PM   #7743
Acϵ♠
UG Board King
 
Acϵ♠'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Mississwaga, Ontario
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20Tigers
Don't worry so much about what other people think, and don't let what other people think influence your own views and how you feel about your relationships.

If you like the girl then go for it. The best way to sow doubt and insecurity in your relationship is fear.

Be fearless with love. Yes you might get hurt in the long run but that's what happens. Just go with it or get out. Don't try to keep one foot in one foot out for the sake of safety or because other people think you're going to fast. -What the hell would they know.


some of the best advice you'll ever see in this thread
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowfrizbee
What does a girl have to do to get it in the butt thats all I ever wanted from you. Why, Ace? Why? I clean my asshole every night hoping and wishing and it never happens.
Bitches be Crazy.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Acϵ♠ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2014, 05:17 PM   #7744
EndTheRapture51
UG Feminist Leader
 
EndTheRapture51's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Preach it. Dumped a top girlfriend back in the day because my friends were winding me up over her. Wish I hadn't, don't bother caring about what your friends say about your girlfriend, a relationship is between two people so it doesn't matter how fast you are taking it or if they disapprove of her.
__________________
#WengerOut

\_(ツ)_/
EndTheRapture51 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2014, 05:22 PM   #7745
chev311e
Will do moose stuff for $
 
chev311e's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: D.C.
seriously. It's really easy to become influenced by your friends and what they think about the girl/ relationship you're with. This can be really damaging though and make you self conscious and all kinds of bad things. Trust yourself.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Axelfox
You can't spell rap without cRap


chev311e is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2014, 05:39 PM   #7746
sporkface
Registered User
 
sporkface's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: mesa az
What's a good way to meet women? I'm in college but my program is full of dudes, with the only 3 women either being over 50 or fat as a whale. I don't spend any time outside of class at school because I have no friends there. Work is also only men (cause racetrack), and the only girls that come in are usually dragged along by their boyfriends. (Not that I'd hit on a customer but whatever) None of my friends are over 21, and I feel weird being by myself in a bar. Not to mention I just turned 21 so most everyone is older than me in a bar anyway. My hobbies are PC gaming, sim racing, and real racing. Also a sausagefest. The fact that I'm shy and socially ******ed also doesn't help much.

There's alot of girls that I want to talk to, I just can't think of a legitimate excuse to actually do it, and even when I do, I don't know how to make it progress more than that like getting her number or asking her out or whatever. I feel like it would just be weird to have a complete stranger come up to you like that, and I don't because it makes me feel like I'm being creepy and I can't see why they would WANT to talk to me. I love talking to people, and when it goes well it's like I just won the Daytona 500. Like it was a huge accomplishment.

It feels like my last 2 relationships (each a year and a half, last one really killed me) have made me forget how. I wasn't like this before. I might just be venting cause I'm lonely but any advice would be appreciated.
__________________
In diesem Herz hab ich die Macht.

Gear:
Fender MIM HSS Strat (Wine Red)
VOX Valvetronix VT20+
Kay K390 Acoustic
sporkface is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2014, 06:33 PM   #7747
chev311e
Will do moose stuff for $
 
chev311e's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: D.C.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sporkface
What's a good way to meet women? I'm in college but my program is full of dudes, with the only 3 women either being over 50 or fat as a whale. I don't spend any time outside of class at school because I have no friends there. Work is also only men (cause racetrack), and the only girls that come in are usually dragged along by their boyfriends. (Not that I'd hit on a customer but whatever) None of my friends are over 21, and I feel weird being by myself in a bar. Not to mention I just turned 21 so most everyone is older than me in a bar anyway. My hobbies are PC gaming, sim racing, and real racing. Also a sausagefest. The fact that I'm shy and socially ******ed also doesn't help much.

There's alot of girls that I want to talk to, I just can't think of a legitimate excuse to actually do it, and even when I do, I don't know how to make it progress more than that like getting her number or asking her out or whatever. I feel like it would just be weird to have a complete stranger come up to you like that, and I don't because it makes me feel like I'm being creepy and I can't see why they would WANT to talk to me. I love talking to people, and when it goes well it's like I just won the Daytona 500. Like it was a huge accomplishment.

It feels like my last 2 relationships (each a year and a half, last one really killed me) have made me forget how. I wasn't like this before. I might just be venting cause I'm lonely but any advice would be appreciated.


You could try online I just started doing that but don't have much to say of it because nothing meaningful has come out of it. I'm out of college and find it hard to meet new girls in my field, so that seemed like a viable option. I do know of real life success stories from online though.

Other than that, college should be easy to meet new girls. It was so much easier to just meet friends of friends so maybe you need to branch out more and find new friends who go out.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Axelfox
You can't spell rap without cRap


chev311e is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2014, 06:37 PM   #7748
JustRooster
Organ Donor
 
JustRooster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Madison, Wisconsin
Online dating is the shit, yo. I recommend it to lots of people.
__________________
SSS
Quote:
Originally Posted by dannyalcatraz
Love is blind, and probably missing a few other sense, too.

JustRooster is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2014, 06:38 PM   #7749
MeGaDeth2314
Pudding time, children
 
MeGaDeth2314's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: some sort of dream-space, idk
Quote:
Originally Posted by chev311e
It was so much easier to just meet friends of friends so maybe you need to branch out more and find new friends who go out.



This is what I was going to suggest as well.
__________________
https://soundcloud.com/10mesp
MeGaDeth2314 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2014, 06:38 PM   #7750
darrenram1
Registered User
 
darrenram1's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Hey guys,

I really don't know how to say/type this out, but I'll do my best. Here goes:

Okay, so this past couple weeks, I fell really hard for this girl in my class. I've known her (read: I know her name; nothing else) for around a year. At this point, you might be asking why I hadn't asked her out already and to that I will say this:

I awkward as f*ck. How awkward? I have never even had a girl friend(notice the space between girl and friend).I can't even keep a conversation going with a girl other than female relatives (Should I talk to a therapist about this?). Not to mention I'm overweight, which adds to the awkward klutzy behaviour. I plan on losing weight now but that will take time.

My questions/fears are:

1. If I ask her and she says no, how do I deal with it at that moment?

2. If she says yes, what do I talk about? This is almost worst than question 1. The scenario has been playing in my head. We go out, have some food and I just awkwardly stare at her, making things uncomfortable for both of us.

3. This is probably the stupidest question on the list. Do I try and talk to her before or after I resemble something that is not a ball ? (Serious question though)

Maybe I just need to man up and do it but I'm afraid I'll **** up and ruin my chances.

Last edited by darrenram1 : 12-23-2014 at 06:43 PM.
darrenram1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2014, 06:44 PM   #7751
chev311e
Will do moose stuff for $
 
chev311e's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: D.C.
Quote:
Originally Posted by darrenram1
Hey guys,

I really don't know how to say/type this out, but I'll do my best. Here goes:

Okay, so this past couple weeks, I fell really hard for this girl in my class. I've known her (read: I know her name; nothing else) for around a year. At this point, you might be asking why I hadn't asked her out already and to that I will say this:

I awkward as f*ck. How awkward? I have never even had a girl friend(notice the space between girl and friend).I can't even keep a conversation going with a girl other than female relatives (Should I talk to a therapist about this?). Not to mention I'm overweight, which adds to the awkward klutzy behaviour. I plan on losing weight now but that will take time.

My questions/fears are:

1. If I ask her and she says no, how do I deal with it at that moment?

2. If she says yes, what do I talk about? This is almost worst than question 1. The scenario has been playing in my head. We go out, have some food and I just awkwardly stare at her, making things uncomfortable for both of us.

3. This is probably the stupidest question on the list. Do I try and talk to her before or after I resemble something that is not a ball ? (Serious question though)

Maybe I just need to grow man up and do it but I'm afraid I'll **** up and ruin my chances.


how old are you?
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Axelfox
You can't spell rap without cRap


chev311e is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2014, 06:44 PM   #7752
darrenram1
Registered User
 
darrenram1's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
17. Why?
darrenram1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2014, 06:53 PM   #7753
chev311e
Will do moose stuff for $
 
chev311e's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: D.C.
I just wanted to know if you were in college or high school, big difference. And it means you have a lot more time to get ready for serious relationships.

I suggest you need to work on yourself first. You have some serious confidence problems, and you're not going to get anywhere talking to this girl the way you are now. If anything, I'd forget about this girl completely for the time being. Work out, lose some weight, better yourself in all ways, and gain some confidence. Start talking to other people, girls, guys, whatever just so you get used to talking to random people. Get out and join some clubs so you get used to social situations. It'll take some work, but you will get better at talking to people just through practice and going out on limbs you normally wouldn't go out on.

It sounds drastic, but the way you are sounding now really doesn't bode well for you trying to ask girls out. Especially a girl who you've been infatuated with for a year. And yea, you're 17, still young and you have plenty of time to not even worry about being with a girl.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Axelfox
You can't spell rap without cRap


chev311e is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2014, 06:54 PM   #7754
EndTheRapture51
UG Feminist Leader
 
EndTheRapture51's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by darrenram1
Hey guys,

I really don't know how to say/type this out, but I'll do my best. Here goes:

Okay, so this past couple weeks, I fell really hard for this girl in my class. I've known her (read: I know her name; nothing else) for around a year. At this point, you might be asking why I hadn't asked her out already and to that I will say this:

I awkward as f*ck. How awkward? I have never even had a girl friend(notice the space between girl and friend).I can't even keep a conversation going with a girl other than female relatives (Should I talk to a therapist about this?). Not to mention I'm overweight, which adds to the awkward klutzy behaviour. I plan on losing weight now but that will take time.

My questions/fears are:

1. If I ask her and she says no, how do I deal with it at that moment?

2. If she says yes, what do I talk about? This is almost worst than question 1. The scenario has been playing in my head. We go out, have some food and I just awkwardly stare at her, making things uncomfortable for both of us.

3. This is probably the stupidest question on the list. Do I try and talk to her before or after I resemble something that is not a ball ? (Serious question though)

Maybe I just need to man up and do it but I'm afraid I'll **** up and ruin my chances.


1. You just move on and forget about it. She's not worth dwelling on if she says no. You can use it as an opportunity to learn from. I used to be pretty crap at talking to girls, and remember my first rejection and talking to girls became a lot easier after that. It's just something you have to laugh off and learn from. Rejection isn't something you should be scared of, it's just a part of life and dating. It should really help you build your confidence up even if she does say no, it's an important experience you need to have.

2. This is perhaps more difficult to answer since we've got to teach you conversation. Ask her about herself. People love talking about themselves. Ask her about her hobbies, the music she enjoys, what TV shows she watches, what films she's seen, foods she likes etc. After she answers, you will have an opportunity to talk a bit about yourself. You can literally talk for hours with someone who you click well with.

3. She's just a girl, she's not your perfect princess you will fall in love and marry. Better just ask her sooner than later and get it out of the way in my opinion. Some girls love a confident, chubby guy, your weight might not make a huge difference. But it's better to do it now otherwise you'll keep setting yourself arbitrary deadlines for when to ask her out and it'll never happen.

Most important thing to realise is that this girl isn't your true love or anything, she's just a girl and her saying no might not make you feel good, but there'll be so many other girls so don't get yourself down on it, whatever happens.
__________________
#WengerOut

\_(ツ)_/
EndTheRapture51 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2014, 07:09 PM   #7755
darrenram1
Registered User
 
darrenram1's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Quote:
Originally Posted by chev311e
Especially a girl who you've been infatuated with for a year.


I just want to clear this up. I haven't been infatuated with her for a year. I would have posted this alot sooner if that was the case. I just really got it after we went Christmas caroling during the past week.

Quote:
Originally Posted by chev311e
I suggest you need to work on yourself first. You have some serious confidence problems, and you're not going to get anywhere talking to this girl the way you are now.


Would you recommend seeing a therapist?

Quote:
Originally Posted by EndTheRapture51
2. This is perhaps more difficult to answer since we've got to teach you conversation. Ask her about herself. People love talking about themselves. Ask her about her hobbies, the music she enjoys, what TV shows she watches, what films she's seen, foods she likes etc. After she answers, you will have an opportunity to talk a bit about yourself. You can literally talk for hours with someone who you click well with.


This is actually quite helpful. There's a Christmas party coming up soon. Maybe I'll talk to her there. If I chicken out, school starts next year so plenty of opportunities there.
darrenram1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2014, 07:14 PM   #7756
EndTheRapture51
UG Feminist Leader
 
EndTheRapture51's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
If you feel like you need to see a therapist, see one. If you're american it seems quite common over there but if you think it's that serious it might be worth a go.

I'd personally just recommend talking to random people you see in your every day life. Strike up a conversation with the old woman at the bus stop, with the cashier at the supermarket. Building up your confidence from talking to people who are not intimidating will make it easier when you finally do want to approach that hot girl at the park.

Go ahead and talk to her at the party I say. What have you got to lose? Nothing really, it's a party so you're both there to socialise and you'll have a lot to talk about.
__________________
#WengerOut

\_(ツ)_/
EndTheRapture51 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2014, 07:19 PM   #7757
darrenram1
Registered User
 
darrenram1's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Quote:
Originally Posted by EndTheRapture51
Building up your confidence from talking to people who are not intimidating will make it easier when you finally do want to approach that hot girl at the park.


That's the problem. I find everyone intimidating.

I used to go (still do sometimes) to a therapist for my OCD/Hypochondria so giving him a call and setting up an appointment would be easy.

Funny story, during the first few sessions, could barely talk to the therapist.

Last edited by darrenram1 : 12-23-2014 at 07:30 PM.
darrenram1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2014, 07:23 PM   #7758
smallstone
Registered User
 
smallstone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Quote:
Originally Posted by EndTheRapture51
I'd personally just recommend talking to random people you see in your every day life. Strike up a conversation with the old woman at the bus stop, with the cashier at the supermarket. Building up your confidence from talking to people who are not intimidating will make it easier when you finally do want to approach that hot girl at the park.


Great bit of advice there. It's just like anything else like getting in shape or playing guitar, you have to practice it. Strike up small conversations with people here and there and over time it'll be easier and easier. Some people are naturally great at it but for most of us it's something we learn over the years.
__________________
For music, see below:
https://soundcloud.com/deniedabsolutely
smallstone is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:42 PM.

Forum Archives / About / Terms of Use / Advertise / Contact / Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2014
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.