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Old 07-03-2013, 09:49 PM   #1
Tha Shizniz
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Jimmy Page Facts

Jimmy Page Facts:

Jimmy Page, did in fact, forcefully make the rest of Led Zepplin purposely backmask a message from Satan into "Stairway from Heaven" because Satan threatened to butt**** Jimmy if he did not.

Jimmy Page Has the ability to control Chuck Norris with his guitar solos.

Jimmy Page is an accomplished emo kid slayer and goth kid beater.

Jimmy Page received a letter from Trey Anastasio in 1985 telling him that Trey's band would be better than his band.

Jimmy Page gave birth to his first guitar in -1 AD, the day before he shot Jesus for being his brother-in-law and being mean to his good friend Satan.

Jimmy Page is not a pickle. (Or is He?)

Jimmy Page has thrice committed suicide.

Jimmy Page has a Smith and Wesson revolver that shoots rounds filled with white heroin.

Shortly before his birth, Jimmy bought the Loch Ness Monster from his "good friend" Kevin, for tax evasion purposes.

He can do 'this' with his fingers.

Jimmy Page is actually Jesus' brother-in-law, and God's favorite son-in-law by far, even more than Eric Clapton.

If a man fantasizes about Jimmy Page, he is not necessarily gay according to a Stanford study done in late 2005.

Parliament signed a contract saying that Jimmy may beat the crap out of George Harrison for two hours once a day.

He beat down a cop with his Mel Gibson guitar when the cop pulled him over to the side of the road for an autograph.

Jimmy Page once masturbated on the set of Access Hollywood and blew his load right when Pat O'Brien bent down to pick up his moustache and a naked mole rat. O'Brien's nose was indeed the victim and now O'Brien cannot breathe out of his nasal cavity. If you look closely, you can see a small fetus growing in his left nostril.

Jimmy's riffs were so insane that it was later revealed to be the cause of death of drummer John Johnham. Apparently, they blew his mind. Literally.

Jimmy Page explained to SpongeBob about sexual intercourse. According to James Dobson of Focus on the Family, the traumatic experience turned Mr. Squarepants gay. He and Kevin now live in a Pineapple and are currently creating a spin-off series named Friends.

Page holds dual citizenship in England and Oz

Page is currently an assassin for the British Government, and occasionally murders those emo bands known by their codenames as "My Chemical Romance", whose lead singer was brutally murdered by Page using a toothbrush and a computer chair. Muse were influenced by this by writing the songs "Assassin" and "Feeling Good", which was a comment immediately spoken by Matt Bellamy after the incident.

Page is allergic to Broken Glass, really bad music and Enter Shikari. The mix of bad music immediately led him to writing classics such as Sick Again and Black Dog, which he went back in time to write 30 years earlier.

Jimmy knows how you feel about Coverdale/Page, and he doesn't care.

Jimmy Page once took a **** in a ferret's mouth and inserted it into a groupie's ass. After this happening, the groupie shat out the ferret, sneezed, burped, farted, pissed, yelled, "PAY ME PAGE!!!!", and gave birth to three disgusting and grotesque ferret/human/**** triplets. These triplets grew up to form the band Hanson and had a hit single on the radio entitled, Rrrrrgghhhfffffffggghhrrrr

Jimmy Page's penis was about the size of a baby's arm and has pleased more than half of the world's population of men and women. This includes your mom and your girlfriend. If you just tried to use the "I don't have a girlfriend excuse," then you are deemed GAY, so stated in the Jimmy Page Law. Do you think I'm making this **** up? DO YOU THINK JIMMY PAGE IS LAUGHING?!?!

Jimmy Page and Led Zeppelin played at the wedding of Howard Stern.

Jimmy Page is known to hunt his enemies with solid gold falcons launched from a single cannon in his nose.

Jimmy Page sacrificed his first born son to Mahatma Gandhi.

Jimmy Page once ****ed John John John's bass doggy style while snorting bloody cocaine off the Pope's hat.

Jimmy Page is one of two beings on the planet to be able to survive a nuclear blast, the other being the cockroach, although promptly after the nuclear explosion, Jimmy smashed it with his guitar.

Jimmy Page is the last elf to remember the War of Ring of the Third Age, as it was he who forged the one ring....however one thing that bastard Gollum didn't know was he had Robert Plant butt**** it before he gave it to the other elves.

Jimmy Page had a contract in 1985 for the solo album called "ass****ers" and stated he could beat the living **** out of his boyfriend, Eric Clapton three times a week.

Jimmy Page travelled back in time and was kidnapped by Moses, and forced into a guitar battle with God. Jimmy Page won.

Jimmy Page has pooped not just out his nose but out his eyeballs and even eye lashes to this day they bring a walrus to sniff up his fiecies (follicols)
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Old 07-04-2013, 12:58 AM   #2
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are you sick man? This is so dumb. I mean if you have something against jimmy, take it somewhere else.
I'm not laughing.
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Old 07-07-2013, 05:18 PM   #3
sovaso
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Bro, This Is Terrible!!!!!!!! You're obviously trying to be funny, Which is stupid within itself!
What's even worse is that you're making fun of a guitar player, that makes more money in a day than you will your entire life!
If you really have something against Jimmy Page, The why don't you just go and find another site to be stupid on! Or Just go outside.
I'm Sorry I had to write this. I'm sorry to everyone else for this Forum
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