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Old 06-28-2013, 09:20 PM   #1
sonny bb
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Band Friction

Haven't been on in a while!
anyway, my band has been going very well! We've been playing, writing, recording, travelling, we recently did a little staggered "tour" and it went off well, excellent crowd response. It's going great!
until two weeks ago.
We had a new member come in, our drummer's old friend he hadn't seen in years. He came in, played the song, and we agreed that he would be a good fit. about a week later, he came in, but this time he came in very strong, saying what the band should be doing about this and that and I agreed with some things and not with others, but he crossed a line when saying I wasn't serious if I didn't want to follow not very fleshed out plan. That put me off, so already, me and this guy aren't lined up. we did a showcase gig and a great oppourunity got put to us and he felt our recordings weren't up to snuff and that we should do new ones, I and ever single entertainment professional in my family said just to send the songs. Long story short I told him I felt like he came in a bit too strong to try to call shots and he quit. Everyone got mad at me because I "lashed out" at him, which I didn't, no harsh words nor buzz words were said. And now none is talking

tldr? new member and me got into it in text, he left, everyone is upset. What do?
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Old 06-28-2013, 10:27 PM   #2
AlanHB
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^^^ It's hard to tell whether his comments were justified, however it sounds like there's a personality clash which cannot be fixed.
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Old 06-28-2013, 10:37 PM   #3
sonny bb
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well, I just didn't like that he tried to shift things. you don't go into a new job and try to move things, you wait and find your place. that takes longer than a week haha but I think it was a personality thing in the first place. he gave me a his way or the highway thing with a band that I formed and that I've written all the songs for, booked the shows, recorded and facilitated rehearsals at my home. whether we act as a group or not, I should be able to express my opinon without someone who is new to the group calling me out. and my bandmates sort of took his side. I don't want this to mess with our rapport, but I'm kinda not feeling great about how they've sort of been dealing with it.
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Last edited by sonny bb : 06-28-2013 at 10:40 PM.
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Old 06-28-2013, 10:54 PM   #4
loaded_
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Yeah, my guess is also that you two just have very conflicting personalities. I've been through the same thing before twice and it didn't end well both times. I don't think there's much you can do though right now. I'd tell you to try and patch things up with the other bandmembers, but if you've explained the situation and made it very clear what bothered you about this new guy, then the ball is pretty much in their camp.

Also, I really hate people who join a band and start telling the rest what to do from day 1, so I totally agree with you when you called him out on that. And if he can't deal with constructive criticism, then he won't be of much use in any band that isn't his solo-project.
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Old 06-28-2013, 11:40 PM   #5
Leather Sleeves
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Yeah, most of us who've played in bands for a while has had one or more of "those guys". I think you were right to stand up to him. Someone like that just won't work out, probably one of those guy's who has been in 30 different bands before.
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Old 06-29-2013, 07:45 AM   #6
kilbie
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I suggest you have a band meeting at your next band practice to discuss any unresolved issues caused by the departure of your newest band member. From what you've said your other band members appear to have acted unreasonably, however it's hard to know because I'm only hearing your side of the story.
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Old 06-29-2013, 10:40 AM   #7
sonny bb
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I think the personality thing is the main issue and it would've (clearly) come up sooner than later. The kicker is that he works at a big venue and his plan for us was to:
1.Move practices to better accomodate his drive
2.submit press kit to open for big acts
3.wait for the call
4.???
5.profit
I simply said we'd need a plan B with anything we do anyway and that we can't bank on any one thing to make us successful. Then he said I wasn't serious about music if I didn't follow his plan to a T and he'd be concerned about that in the future.

Some of us got together and the general consensus amongst them is that I should've "handled it better", but I didn't handle badly, I didn't tell him to leave, I never insulted him or anything. In text it may have seemed colder, but I didn't get condescending with him like he had with me.

the worst thing about the whole situation is that this is our first disagreement or arguement about ANYTHING in the whole time we've been together and it's over an overzealous new member.
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Last edited by sonny bb : 06-29-2013 at 10:43 AM.
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Old 06-29-2013, 12:45 PM   #8
Ziphoblat
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The whole re-recording the songs thing sounds to me very much like he didn't appreciate the fact the recordings that were being sent out didn't actually have him on and wanted to massage his own ego a bit. You certainly did the right thing, it would have only ended badly, at least it did so before the whole dynamic of your band had changed up and losing him would have been more of an issue.
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