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Old 01-11-2013, 08:17 AM   #1
mrgio
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Another try?

I did another try of writing some lyrics.I'm a bit discouraged though from what was said to be in my other topic.

Only time can show you
Through an invisible door
in the bottom of the ocean
I threw a bird at the sky
someone told that
you better close your eyes
and I said
Don't you wonder sometimes
while I paddle through the clouds in my oversized
canoe but i'm always on your side
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Old 01-11-2013, 08:48 AM   #2
xbitmetal
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Join Date: Aug 2009
honestly, didn't impress me.
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Old 01-11-2013, 12:03 PM   #3
GP443
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It's all about practice dude, i wouldn't switch your topic around so quick unless it's after a chorus...ex: "in the bottom of the ocean, I threw a bird at the sky" That's a quick switch between two totally different topics lol. Maybe you should explain the ocean or the bird mean to you and how they impact the message of the song?

P.S: Lots of members on this site appear to be jerks -_- ignore them and just focus on practicing and getting better!
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Old 01-11-2013, 02:05 PM   #4
mrgio
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GP443
It's all about practice dude, i wouldn't switch your topic around so quick unless it's after a chorus...ex: "in the bottom of the ocean, I threw a bird at the sky" That's a quick switch between two totally different topics lol. Maybe you should explain the ocean or the bird mean to you and how they impact the message of the song?

P.S: Lots of members on this site appear to be jerks -_- ignore them and just focus on practicing and getting better!


Thanks a million for the advise mate.I got very discouraged from the comments i got last time that I said to myself "Do I suck that much?" I've been writing for about 3-4 weeks...
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Old 01-11-2013, 02:23 PM   #5
Toxification
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xbitmetal
honestly, didn't impress me.


This. But do not allow yourself to be so easily dissuaded. Talent's a shy ****er and won't show himself until you practice, and much longer than 3-4 weeks too. I do see a glimpse of potential in your writings. Keep developing your writings. The best advice anyone could possibly give you would be to take note of criticisms. They may be unkind, but trust me, you'll never make progression without patching the holes that are being pointed out to you. And take a look at some renowned lyricists. Maynard James Keenan, Mikael Akerfeldt, and Kieth Buckley are some of my favorites.
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Old 01-11-2013, 03:53 PM   #6
mrgio
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thanks for the advice toxification.I know I need to practise and that's what i am intending to do .
Thanks you all
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