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Old 03-29-2015, 06:59 PM   #8381
BjarnedeGraaf
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So quick question, I've been dating a girl for a small period of time.
We've had like 4 dates so far, but I haven't kissed her yet. I want to, but I haven't seen the moment to do it yet.
Is this weird? because everywhere you read or hear people saying that they kissed on the 1rst/2nd date.
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Old 03-29-2015, 07:19 PM   #8382
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4?!

I assume the dates must've gone well, for you to get 3 more. But seriously there must've been 'a moment' by now - don't think about it too much, but in my experience unless you make a move soon, she may think you're not interested
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Old 03-29-2015, 09:11 PM   #8383
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Maybe I'm just terrible at spotting the moment and also to nervous to try. The dates were fun and went great actually. Problem is to my knowledge the easiest time to kiss a girl is when you both part ways. But seeing as we were both in a rush to get to out public transportation on time, because we lost track of time, we never really got the time for a kiss. It was a quick hug yesterday
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Old 03-30-2015, 03:15 AM   #8384
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kikaykitko
So.

I'm a big advocate of going for regular check ups. That's a normal, responsible thing to do, right? I feel fine but I can't run my own blood tests and be my own gynecologist, so yes, I think it's good to go anyway to see if there's something wrong. Even if there isn't, you should because you never know and you don't want to know when there's nothing they can do anymore.

BF couldn't give less of a shit.


This is typical and has been shown statistically. Men who are married tend to outlive those that aren't. That can be for many reasons, but it's usually the nagging of a woman that turns those that normally wouldn't get regular checkups into those that would.

You make a joke about consistent issues, and while it doesn't necessarily mean you should leave him, you both seem to have a huge issue with communication. If you can't communicate to him that checking up is important for his health, and therefore important to you, that is a severe failure in your relationship infrastructure. Being with someone makes you accountable for the actions you make. And those you don't.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Ssargentslayer
So I went to see her yesterday because an old friend who went missing 6 months ago was found dead, she was pretty crushed.. Anyways I was there for her then later we talked and we developed "safe words" to help communicate exactly how things are between use. I don't feel like going into huge depth about these but I think this is a very good step.


You're an enabler. She knows this and will just turn you into the crutch she needs.

The thing is, you don't stand a chance because of circumstance. Not because you don't love each other enough, and not because you don't want the change bad enough. She simply cannot become a better person while you are around, because she can be lazy in your presence and ditch the change.

If you really do love her, you'd push her in the direction of help and remove yourself from her path to recovery. As things stand, she has no reason to get better, just pretend as if she is.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Minicaxotinho
1 - Is it really a bad idea to use these feelings, in any way, to better myself? When I did it, it was really effective. (I feel like I know the answer to this one though...)

2 - I need to forget her, but even after such a long time I haven't been able to. I can't help comparing other women to her because I feel like I found who I truly want to be with.
This has to stop, advice?

(You may tell me to focus on another person's positives, but it's not the same)


You know the answer to that one.

Your problem is that you've taken seconds and turned them into a life time. Even if she's poured her heart out in those videos, you do not know her true self. That's why you insist she's perfect. She doesn't present her real flaws, and you don't get to see the way her gears grind with yours. Because you do not know her, you can omit what she's hidden and see only the positive. Typical infatuation.

The only way to cure yourself of this obsession is to truly realize that she's flawed. But your head is so far into the clouds, that's a huge challenge. Perfection is boring and not remotely what you want for your partner.

Not to mention that this will deflate rather quickly, once you address your low self esteem.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shredx
A friend who she has said she doesnt speak to anymore, and it wasnt a plan set in stone like you free x day to go for a drink with me and said friend.

So I can see it from both sides.

Also I've had to really back off and play long game, after nearly coming off too strong I think so we'll see. Will try and get something sorted (with just the 2 of us) when shes back


It's a weird situation. She can be playing coy, and using the friend as a shield, could be trying to set you up with said friend, or could be suggesting a friendly encounter.

I'd personally vocalize my desire to have a one on one. Not necessarily have a date, but try to get her alone. If she shoots down the idea immediately, then you clear idea of where you stand.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BjarnedeGraaf
So quick question, I've been dating a girl for a small period of time.
We've had like 4 dates so far, but I haven't kissed her yet. I want to, but I haven't seen the moment to do it yet.
Is this weird? because everywhere you read or hear people saying that they kissed on the 1rst/2nd date.


You're heading into the area of diminished interest. If the kiss hasn't come, I figure that other kinds of intimate activity haven't presented themselves, e.g. hugging, hand holding etc..

Be playful with her, caress her face, use appropriate body cues that you want to . There isn't just this small window you have to jump through, you are allowed to create your own. If anything, that assertiveness can become a positive. Just don't let it get to the 5th without it. Anyone who has agreed to 4 dates is willing to kiss after the 5th.
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Old 03-30-2015, 05:35 AM   #8385
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How do you forget someone?

Seriously, I just want to forget my ex ever existed.

I've blocked her on all forms of social media, deleted all the pictures, deleted her number etc. but I can't get her out of my head for 5 mins and it's shit cause it hurts.

I don't know if finding someone else would help but I don't really want to do the rebound thing cause it's unfair on that person and then I'm just setting myself up for more problems.

Finding it really hard and I don't really know where to turn right now.

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Old 03-30-2015, 05:55 AM   #8386
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You don't have to immediately move on to someone else. Just keep your mind occupied by focusing on hobbies, school/work, friends etc. You're not going to forget about her immediately, but every time you find yourself thinking about her again, actively engage in something else. Don't even focus on wanting to not care about her, just don't allow yourself to focus on her at all.
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Old 03-30-2015, 06:08 AM   #8387
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Quote:
Originally Posted by megano28

You're heading into the area of diminished interest. If the kiss hasn't come, I figure that other kinds of intimate activity haven't presented themselves, e.g. hugging, hand holding etc..

Be playful with her, caress her face, use appropriate body cues that you want to . There isn't just this small window you have to jump through, you are allowed to create your own. If anything, that assertiveness can become a positive. Just don't let it get to the 5th without it. Anyone who has agreed to 4 dates is willing to kiss after the 5th.


We have hugged yes, but apart from that not really no. I'm just too huge of a pussy to go for it I must admit
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Old 03-30-2015, 12:23 PM   #8388
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BjarnedeGraaf
We have hugged yes, but apart from that not really no. I'm just too huge of a pussy to go for it I must admit


I am a woman and for f*ck's sake just kiss her already. I am sure she is currently wondering if she has misread the situation and wondering if you even like her. If she has gone on 4 dates she likes you. At this point I wouldn't wait for the moment because my guess is that subtle moments have presented themselves but you didn't read them correctly. You can do what I've done once before when I could no longer take the "are we ever going to kiss situation": we were walking along the sidewalk (holding hands) and I pulled him aside and said, there's been something I've been wanting to do. I went in for the kiss and all was right in the world. It wasn't all intense. I think I was smiling and laughing and it took the pressure off.

Ssargentslayer: I have personal experience with being in such a relationship and it did not end well. I feel like people with this disorder use partners as life rafts. If you ever want to PM me about it go for it.
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Old 03-30-2015, 12:29 PM   #8389
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^^ lol ya i won't be surprised if she's wondering if something is wrong with her, poor girl. Bjarne next time you see her, the first thing you should do is not say hi, or hug, or anything like that. Should just nut up, say "i should've done this long time ago" and kiss her. If you have the bravado and confidence you can pull it off.
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Old 03-30-2015, 12:35 PM   #8390
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Not even going to judge Bjarne because it sounds exactly like something I would do. Like, I wouldn't want to even attempt it because I've never kissed anyone before and my last experience from receiving a hug was awkward enough. Is it weird to sort of explain that to someone instead of just going for it?
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Old 03-30-2015, 01:09 PM   #8391
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kalibe
I am a woman and for f*ck's sake just kiss her already. I am sure she is currently wondering if she has misread the situation and wondering if you even like her. If she has gone on 4 dates she likes you. At this point I wouldn't wait for the moment because my guess is that subtle moments have presented themselves but you didn't read them correctly. You can do what I've done once before when I could no longer take the "are we ever going to kiss situation": we were walking along the sidewalk (holding hands) and I pulled him aside and said, there's been something I've been wanting to do. I went in for the kiss and all was right in the world. It wasn't all intense. I think I was smiling and laughing and it took the pressure off.
.


Thanks a lot, I laughed at your first sentence a lot, but you are totally right, and the way you describe it, it seems like you've just created the opporunity. which is what I should do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Acϵ♠
If you have the bravado and confidence you can pull it off.

I don't have the confidence , but then again, if I don't try it soon I will lose my chance with this girl so there's not really a choice in the matter, seeing as I do want to be with her, so that annoying nervous feeling I get, I will try to ignore and kiss her
I hope it's not too late then.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero Galon
Not even going to judge Bjarne because it sounds exactly like something I would do. Like, I wouldn't want to even attempt it because I've never kissed anyone before and my last experience from receiving a hug was awkward enough. Is it weird to sort of explain that to someone instead of just going for it?


Yeah I sort of wanted to talk to her about it. we've both told each other that we are terrible when it comes to dating before we even had a date (due to lack of experience I guess). so it would seem like something we could talk about. but then I feel like once you've talked about it, it becomes more of an obligation to go for it because of the conversation that you had, which might ruin the "magic" I guess. if that makes any sence
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Old 03-30-2015, 01:27 PM   #8392
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero Galon
Not even going to judge Bjarne because it sounds exactly like something I would do. Like, I wouldn't want to even attempt it because I've never kissed anyone before and my last experience from receiving a hug was awkward enough. Is it weird to sort of explain that to someone instead of just going for it?


Yeah I bottled the kiss at the end of my last date and been too busy to get another sorted <_<

Quote:
Originally Posted by Acϵ♠
^^ lol ya i won't be surprised if she's wondering if something is wrong with her, poor girl. Bjarne next time you see her, the first thing you should do is not say hi, or hug, or anything like that. Should just nut up, say "i should've done this long time ago" and kiss her. If you have the bravado and confidence you can pull it off.


So much this if you could pull it off (not sure if I could tbh - it'd be the sort of thing id think of doing then bottle it). But for your sitch it seems like the best way to go imo!
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Old 03-30-2015, 01:39 PM   #8393
BjarnedeGraaf
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shredx
Yeah I bottled the kiss at the end of my last date and been too busy to get another sorted <_<



So much this if you could pull it off (not sure if I could tbh - it'd be the sort of thing id think of doing then bottle it). But for your sitch it seems like the best way to go imo!


yeah I was thinking of kissing her last date but I chickened out, probably because I was overthinking it so much.
I'll just give it a go next time. worst thing that can happen is she rejects it, and in that case I know where I stand.

thanks all
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Old 03-30-2015, 01:40 PM   #8394
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Fake the confidence. You know she likes you and you know she's down for the kiss, so that should eliminate 99% of the fear of rejection. I bet you if you did that it would set a totally different tone for you and her going forward. She prolly be lookin at you with them googly eyes the rest of the date lol.
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Old 03-30-2015, 02:07 PM   #8395
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I really do think that she will be flattered and totally receptive if you went in for the kiss. Let it be known that I am completely shy when it comes to guys that I really like so if I can do it anyone can.
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Old 03-30-2015, 02:13 PM   #8396
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Acϵ♠
Fake the confidence. You know she likes you and you know she's down for the kiss, so that should eliminate 99% of the fear of rejection. I bet you if you did that it would set a totally different tone for you and her going forward. She prolly be lookin at you with them googly eyes the rest of the date lol.


100% this
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Old 03-30-2015, 05:19 PM   #8397
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yeah you guys are right... wtf am I thinking if she didnt want the kiss why would she go on 4 dates with me god I feel like a moron
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Old 03-30-2015, 07:46 PM   #8398
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^ Don't think like that, its easily done. Just learn and make the move next time
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Old Yesterday, 10:24 AM   #8399
BjarnedeGraaf
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yep I definitly will!
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