|08-06-2013, 08:49 PM||#1|
Join Date: Dec 2011
A Song About Society Zombies
Zombies. Asus? Bm7 B7 E7 (D)
Shuffling in a straight line.
Thirsting for the one thing.
Draw fake smiles on their faces.
Everyday the same.
They follow the rules, they say their graces.
Following the mob.
Giving into the nonsense.
Never trying to stop.
Blind to the world around them.
Of the fresh air they could breath.
But with their lives they are content.
They devour the weak
And try to tear down the strong
Thinking that one day “I will find what I seek”
But you will not find it A/Ab D Dmaj7 D7
Not if you're living the life
That someone crafted for you
You never worked a hard day in your life
Always accepting the lies
Never see through their disguise
Everything is different A/Ab Bm7 E7 A
When you look through the eyes
Of a starving child on the street
Or you meet
With callouses on his hands
Whose worked every day
In the fields of Zimbabwe
You will be humbled
To see the face
Of a boy in New York
Beaten because of his race
But you don't see all of these things A/Ab Bm7 B7 E7 D
You just want your next check
Why worry about the outside world
When nobody's at your neck?
Zombies. A/Ab D Dmaj7 D7
|08-07-2013, 11:54 AM||#2|
Join Date: Jul 2011
The zombies. They're us.
No, really, they literally are supposed to be us. Using zombies as a metaphor is a huge, steaming cliché, especially since the modern zombie was invented as a commentary on modern consumerist society in the first place. Call me a cynic, but these vague, garden-variety "there are things wrong with the world and everyone must know" pieces generally come off disingenuous, unless they're done really well.
There's some redundancy here, in a way that hobbles the pace and makes the piece shamble along lazily, probably while croaking "braaaaaiiiinsss". "They follow the rules", then two lines later, "following the mob".
The rhymes here are usually kind of forced ("mob/stop", "faces/graces"- try "places", maybe? "weak/seek", "life/strife"), although "face/race" and "check/neck" work okay. Things pick up with "Everything is different", when you break from that couplet format for a bit.
There's just too much stale imagery in this song to work. The generic social justice, the cheap rhymes, and zombie theme, are just shambling undead corpses of writing that need to be put back in their graves before they stink things up.
that dubstep garbage isn't real music
|08-09-2013, 09:51 PM||#3|
Join Date: Feb 2009
I second this. If you read this from "Everything is different" on then it becomes a decent poem but everything before that drags and I think to myself, I remember the million times I have read this poem before-- and even written on a few adolescent occasions.
In my opinion.... cut off the first 2/3 of this and just use the final third. It is much more powerful that way.
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