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Old 03-03-2015, 09:05 AM   #4541
T00DEEPBLUE
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I love my nan. She's been a wonderful grandmother and looked after me for a large portion of my childhood. But at 85, she has Alzheimer's disease.

It doesn't surprise me all that much given her age, but as a family trying to cater to her needs it's becoming more and more frustrating and impractical as time goes on.

She forgets things that have happened, she remembers things that have never happened, she sometimes forgets who we are, she sometimes thinks she's having conversations with people who have died 40 years ago. She thinks she is being kidnapped even though she is in her own home when the only person that's there is her son, Paul, trying to take care of her. She keeps falling over and knocking herself out and she keeps getting lost when she goes outside.

Every time this sort of thing happens, one of our family has to come around to her house to see if she is okay. And because of the distances we have to travel and the jobs we all have to do, its becoming more and more impractical as she needs us more frequently.

Just this lunch, she called me on my phone asking where I was because she thought I had arranged to meet her in town. When in reality, I was at University having lunch, having never made such plans.

And then there have been huge arguments over who gets POA. My mum's bothers hate one another, and have different ideas as to what is best for her and they both want that power. So nobody can agree who gets it, and neither brother is willing to cooperate for a joint POA. They're fighting not in the interest of Nan as it should be, but for themselves.

I need a hug. I love her dearly and I just want what's best for her, but I cannot always be there for her support anymore.
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Last edited by T00DEEPBLUE : 03-03-2015 at 09:12 AM.
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Old 03-03-2015, 05:55 PM   #4542
FrettieMercury
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Alzheimer's is insidious. I lost my grandmother that way, too. The only thing I can tell you, advice from a memory care nurse, is to laugh when you can.

Individuals with Alzheimer's will lose inhibitions much the way people who are drunk do, and sometimes they will say hilarious things, although it might be rude or inappropriate. You make the most of the time you've got, embrace it and laugh.

That helped us out somewhat.

Always remember who she was and don't expect her to be that way again. She is who she is now, and if she's lucid today, then great. Tell her you love her. Give her a hug.

If she says, "I love you, too," it might be the last time. Whatever stupid shit is happening in your life, your job, anything at all will just be crushed under the immeasurable weight of the fact that your grandmother is here, and able to hold your hand, or smile.

You have that, which is something.

And take time for yourself. It's not selfish. If you've had enough then leave if you can. Do something you enjoy. Have a drink if you're of age. Like in the little airplane thing, "place your own mask before placing it on your child." You have to make sure you're okay. Always keep that in mind.
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Old 03-03-2015, 06:22 PM   #4543
Wormholes
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I'm one of the best huggers to have ever lived, fact.
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Old 03-03-2015, 06:32 PM   #4544
T00DEEPBLUE
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Yeah, she sometimes does say things that are grossly inappropriate, but she was like that before the Alzheimer's began. She never caught onto the concept of political correctness. Not that she means harm to anyone though.

I don't want to think about the last time she says that she loves me. That is the greatest fear I've ever had, saying goodbye to the people I love, knowing that its the last time. I hate that more than death itself. Thinking about it makes me want to puke.

And I cannot afford to grieve right now. This is my final year of my final semester of my degree. If I grieve, it will completely disable me. My nan looked after me like a second mother in my childhood. My mum would take me to her house at least twice a week when she was busy with work, and my nan and I would spend an entire afternoon playing with only a handful of toys. We made the most of them though.

I remember when I was really young when I built a ship out of duplo blocks because I knew we would be going out on a ferry later that afternoon. I would play with a few toy aeroplanes and she would join in with me. She taught me the first card games I had ever learned, she took me out on walks all the time to the market. We planted tomatoes and blackberries in the greenhouse in the back garden, nearby the giant birch tree in the center of the field. And we napped on the swing chair if it was sunny outside.

They were humble activities, but they made a significant portion of my early childhood. They are a part of my identity. And the person I shared those moments with going away feels like a loss of that identity. I'm going to miss her so, so much. God it is so painful.

I need a hug.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave Bonta
If you want to follow your gut, you must first acquire a gut.


♪♬☆✿☮✞ Yiff in Peace, Axel ✞☮✿☆♪♬

Last edited by T00DEEPBLUE : 03-03-2015 at 06:38 PM.
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