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Old 04-11-2013, 11:19 AM   #1
samjam22
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Ηow to deal with an asshole bandmate?

Well, I'm in a band and the problem is that the bassist is such an asshole.He is not cooperative at all, he is always snobbing me and he behaves immature.I would have kick him out but he's best friend with the lead guitarist( I'm the rhythm guitarist btw) and for a strange reason, the new singer likes him.Our drummer doesn't like him as well, and he is often angry with him at the reherasals.
So, how can I deal with him?I don't wanna quit the band but I'm becoming really angry with him...
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Old 04-11-2013, 11:22 AM   #2
food1010
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Tell him he needs to get his act together or else he'll get the boot. Who cares if he's the best friend of the lead guitarist? They can still be best friends if they're not in a band together.
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Old 04-11-2013, 11:25 AM   #3
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Kick him out or leave. No room in the band for assholes if you want to make it.
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Old 04-11-2013, 11:28 AM   #4
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Just be adults. Air out the grievances, stay un-emotional with your points, and break down the pros and cons for the way he acts.

Don't give him an ultimatum, that never works out well. Humans are defensive creatures by nature, especially immature ones.

Just be mature, and don't be a passive aggressive snob. Only good things will result.
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Old 04-11-2013, 09:27 PM   #5
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can you explain the situation a little more?
how good is the bassist? what kind of music? what level of a band are you guys? how did you guys get started? does the bassist not like you for some specific reason? some background info

can you explain also in a little detail maybe a couple of situations/examples of the bass player being an asshole, the drummer hating him, the singer liking him?

if you guys are a high school band, i think its very important that you guys get along. so you two have to duke it out. when he does his asshole thing, bring it up, and tell him to stop(calmly). you wont have any fun with a dick band member, its not going to be worth your time.

if you guys are in more serious band, i think you either confront him and end it quick and calm, or ignore him and keep your feelings at bay for the sake of a smoother band mechanic until as such time as you guys are a little light on the gig load and rehearsal schedule, and you can talk to the whole band about it, maybe during a review session after a gig.

if, however, you're a professional, and this bass player has somehow made it into a professional setting, tell him to go home.

Last edited by pushkar000 : 04-11-2013 at 09:33 PM.
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Old 04-12-2013, 07:25 AM   #6
samjam22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pushkar000
can you explain the situation a little more?
how good is the bassist? what kind of music? what level of a band are you guys? how did you guys get started? does the bassist not like you for some specific reason? some background info

can you explain also in a little detail maybe a couple of situations/examples of the bass player being an asshole, the drummer hating him, the singer liking him?
Well, we go to the same music school and we are teens.We play for fun but we ''compete'' other bands from the school.I'm not EVH but I think he is not good enough player.He doesn't study as much I do.
He doesn't like me, that's for sure.Maybe he is jealous of me?I don't know.He is always chating with the singer at the rehearsals and when I tell them to stop, he insults me.Αnd if we don't do what he wants, he acts like an asshole...
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Old 04-12-2013, 07:40 AM   #7
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Mate, I don't know what the full story is here, but two people in the band are cool with him and two aren't. Without speculating on who's right or wrong, it looks like you'll have to either deal with it or quit.
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Old 04-12-2013, 07:57 AM   #8
samjam22
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I don't wanna quit the band, I have fun with the other guys.I'll be patient with him.If he starts acting more mature, it will be very good.If he doesn't, we will have major problems in the future.I hope he'll become more serious, but I'm not really sure if assholes stop being assholes eventually.
Thanks everyone for replying and if something new happens, I'll let you know

Last edited by samjam22 : 04-12-2013 at 07:59 AM.
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Old 04-12-2013, 08:01 AM   #9
Addonexus408
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Why don't you talk to your other ban mates about kicking him out? It seems as he is the one acting like an asshole so i think they will understand, as long they are reasonable people
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Old 04-12-2013, 03:43 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by samjam22
I don't wanna quit the band, I have fun with the other guys.I'll be patient with him.If he starts acting more mature, it will be very good.If he doesn't, we will have major problems in the future.I hope he'll become more serious, but I'm not really sure if assholes stop being assholes eventually.
Thanks everyone for replying and if something new happens, I'll let you know


Just talk to him about it, just you and him. When you do, swallow your pride and tell him that you want to continue doing the band thing, and that you want to get along with him better. Find out what you and him can do to bond and/or hash out your differences. It is funny how stupid band drama gets sometimes just because people don't just sit down and communicate.

Bottom line, address the issues and work on solutions. If he's not willing to work with you(plural with the other members that don't like him), then he should not be in the band.
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Old 04-12-2013, 04:08 PM   #11
samjam22
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So today we had a chat about the band.I realised that we don't have the same ambitions.He plays just for fun, he doesn't want to make something better, as I do.He will quit the band when he finishes high school.Maybe that's the reason why I don't get along with him very well.
I think I should not worry so much about the band, since some of my bandmates don't give a damn about it...
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Old 04-12-2013, 04:26 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by samjam22
So today we had a chat about the band.I realised that we don't have the same ambitions.He plays just for fun, he doesn't want to make something better, as I do.He will quit the band when he finishes high school.Maybe that's the reason why I don't get along with him very well.
I think I should not worry so much about the band, since some of my bandmates don't give a damn about it...


Well, you are still in high school. Soak up as much experience as you can and try to have fun with it. You will always find better people out there, but for now take this as your opportunity to learn and enjoy yourself... and get some ladies if you can.
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Old 04-12-2013, 11:20 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by samjam22
So today we had a chat about the band.I realised that we don't have the same ambitions.He plays just for fun, he doesn't want to make something better, as I do.He will quit the band when he finishes high school.Maybe that's the reason why I don't get along with him very well.
I think I should not worry so much about the band, since some of my bandmates don't give a damn about it...


Well what's the point of continuing with this band? If you want to make something big of it, join a serious band now. This band is not serious now, and wont be serious later.

Right now, while you're still in school wih this massive social network is the best time to be in a serious band. You should take advantage of it now.
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Old 04-14-2013, 10:32 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by ProphetToJables
No room in the band for assholes if you want to make it.


That's definitely not true, as history has shown us countless times.
Sure, everybody now has this attitude about being nice to everybody and not being assertive, but it wasn't always like that.
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Old 04-14-2013, 10:55 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sleaze Disease
That's definitely not true, as history has shown us countless times.
Sure, everybody now has this attitude about being nice to everybody and not being assertive, but it wasn't always like that.


Sure there's tons of talented asshole singers, but a bassist? Replaceable usually.
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Old 04-14-2013, 11:38 AM   #16
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I disagree, but that's beside the point.

Also, you never specifically said "asshole bassists" in your post.
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Old 04-16-2013, 05:30 PM   #17
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Old 04-24-2013, 01:28 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ProphetToJables
Sure there's tons of talented asshole singers, but a bassist? Replaceable usually.

Not that easy to just "replace" people. It's hard enough to find good players, especially ones with good chemistry. Then you have to convince them you would be good person to work with.

Last edited by ElliottJeffries : 04-24-2013 at 01:32 PM.
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