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Old 12-30-2012, 08:14 PM   #1
gateway01
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East to West (Need Better Title)

I haven't posted on this forum in forever.

This is an old one that I dug up and fixed a bit. It was originally titled "Poisoned", but I removed that lyric from the song. I don't really care for abstract titles, but I will use one if it came down to it.

So let me know what you think and if you have a better title let me know as well.



Verse 1:
They say vines spread fast
Rapid disease, a world in distress
But many rush to welcome it
Freewill destroyed at best


Chorus:
From far east to west
Some stupid's on a quest
To rid his world of pain and tears
But just destroy the rest

From far north to south
Someone's got a mouth
For spreading lies to hypnotize
Why can't we figure it out


Verse 2:
We walk a thin line
What we know and what we think
Before you know it our lives
Will be penned in ink


Chorus:
From far east to west
Some stupid's on a quest
To rid his world of pain and tears
But just destroy the rest

From far north to south
Someone's got a mouth
For spreading lies to hypnotize
Why can't we figure it out


Bridge:
I'm drowned in disappointment
Lost inside their minds
Picking through confusion
Finding what's left of right
And right of wrong

[Guit. solo]

We have to go
We have to fight
We have to win
Because it's not right

(It's not right)
(It's not right)
(It's not right)
(It's not right)


[Instrumental Breakdown]


Chorus:
From far east to west
Some stupid's on a quest
To rid his world of pain and tears
But just destroy the rest

From far north to south
Someone's got a mouth
For spreading lies to hypnotize
Why can't we figure it out


[Outro]
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Old 12-31-2012, 04:41 AM   #2
Faux
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Overall I like it, esp the theme. The line "Some stupid's on a quest" really stuck out to me. The second verse was the strongest in my opinon. I love the bridge, esp the part after the solo, I could practically hear it in my head. What genre of song is this intended to be?

No issues with the verses, but with the first stanza of the chorus the rhythm struck me as a little odd, I had some trouble with the syllables but of course when something is actually sung it can often make more sense.

As for a name, maybe a word that describes the subject of the song? Like a title of sorts, i.e. instead of "poisoned", "Poisoner". Or something like that. But maybe something that wouldnt immediately reveal what the song was about? But would make sense upon listening andunderstanding. Like a metaphor. I dunno.

Anyway, thanks for critting my song man! Cheers!
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Old 12-31-2012, 06:23 PM   #3
gateway01
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Faux
Overall I like it, esp the theme. The line "Some stupid's on a quest" really stuck out to me. The second verse was the strongest in my opinon. I love the bridge, esp the part after the solo, I could practically hear it in my head. What genre of song is this intended to be?

No issues with the verses, but with the first stanza of the chorus the rhythm struck me as a little odd, I had some trouble with the syllables but of course when something is actually sung it can often make more sense.

As for a name, maybe a word that describes the subject of the song? Like a title of sorts, i.e. instead of "poisoned", "Poisoner". Or something like that. But maybe something that wouldnt immediately reveal what the song was about? But would make sense upon listening andunderstanding. Like a metaphor. I dunno.

Anyway, thanks for critting my song man! Cheers!

thank you sir.
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Old 01-01-2013, 04:43 PM   #4
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Oh and its intended to be a hard rock/alt. metal song, like Chevelle or Filter.
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Old 01-01-2013, 08:19 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gateway01
Oh and its intended to be a hard rock/alt. metal song, like Chevelle or Filter.


Well you did it right then, cause thats the sense i got exactly.
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Old 01-02-2013, 04:17 PM   #6
gateway01
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Faux
Well you did it right then, cause thats the sense i got exactly.


Great. Perfect.

Thank you.

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