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Old 01-05-2013, 05:02 AM   #1
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Band Troubles!

Hey friends!

This is a (not) really (as) long (as I thought) post, but please bear with me! I desperately need some advice!

Let me start off by saying I absolutely love music and nothing I've ever felt for anyone or anything can compare to how passionate I am about it. Without a doubt, it's the only thing I ever want to do, and I will give up anything and everything I have to make it work. I joined this band last March, and I'm on the fence about whether I should stick with them or not. I'm 20 years old, play guitar, and write all the music.

The lead singer, who we'll call John, is coming up on 40 years old, he's stubborn, and very hard to work with. His vocal chops aren't quite up to par either (which, I guess isn't too terrible in a post-punk/hardcore band). John has a solid job, a nice apartment, is comfortable living the life he lives, and I don't really see him giving up his comfort for the uncomfortable "rockstar life" (traveling, being away from home, eating shitty food, not sleeping, the physical aspect of performing, etc). So I'm having some difficulty reconciling the fact that he's in the band.

Additionally, it seems like we're not making any progress in "the scene." We've played a ton of shows, but it doesn't quite feel like anyone's taking notice.

Even though I see all this negative, I guess there are some justifications: the lineup is very very new, we're still settling into our "band roles," and as a songwriter, I'm just starting to mature. However, I do see (hear?) my songs getting better and becoming more and more "polished," and this is why I'm reluctant to remain with the band. I have no qualms with anyone other than John, and my creativity isn't being suppressed, but I'm just not happy with the (lack of) progress (I feel) we've made in the last year.

Am I expecting too much too soon?
Should I wait it out a little longer?

I don't know what to do!!! What do you guys think???

Help! Please!
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Old 01-05-2013, 05:15 AM   #2
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Speak to John and the rest of the band. You need to know how they feel as well.

As for the progress you're making, if you're getting gigs regularly that's a good start. How much notice do you expect people to take? So long as you're getting gigs and people are turning up, that's all that matters. If you were scaring people away from the venues, you wouldn't keep getting booked.
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Old 01-05-2013, 07:02 AM   #3
"funny" but "unmemorable"
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Location: West Coast USA
Is it possible to search for a replacement while keeping him in the band for now? Don't kick him out without having a plan in place, but keep your eyes open for someone better.

Oh but I wouldn't do this unless the rest of the band agrees; if it's just you who's unhappy just join a second band.
Originally Posted by emad
Warned for trolling!

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Old 01-06-2013, 11:21 PM   #4
Awwww.... NOW what?!
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
What are his goals and expectations for the band? What are yours?

Have you two talked about this?

Could I get some more talent in the monitors, please?

I know it sounds crazy, but try to learn to inhale your voice. www.thebelcantotechnique.com

Originally Posted by firehawk
Chris is the king of relating music things to other objects in real life.
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Old 01-06-2013, 11:23 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by axemanchris
What are his goals and expectations for the band? What are yours?

Have you two talked about this?



You guys - actually, everyone in the band - need to talk about what you want, how much you're willing to put into it, and so on.
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Old 01-10-2013, 05:29 PM   #6
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Is your singer's goal to become a working musician who tours and records and makes their living from the band? Or is he just happy being in a band? Because if it's the former, then I've got some bad news - it's almost unheard of for somebody past their 20s to make it big - rock music is a young man's game if you're trying to break in. Also, it sounds like he isn't willing to adopt the lifestyle that would make this possible.
If it's the latter, then your goals are not the same and you have to decide if you're really dedicated to making this your life, knowing the consequences. If you're ok with uncertain employment, and giving up years of your life to a goal whose chances of being realized are miniscule, then you should not be in a band with this guy, and need to surround yourself with people who are entirely dedicated to the same goal as you.
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Old 01-11-2013, 02:28 AM   #7
At least Microsoft cared
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Originally Posted by samcruzado
Hey friends!
...We've played a ton of shows, but it doesn't quite feel like anyone's taking notice....

they might kick you mate... you're the songwriter....
Originally Posted by AlanHB
It's the same as all other harmony. Surround yourself with skulls and candles if it helps.
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Old 01-11-2013, 02:43 PM   #8
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I'm still having a hard time understanding exactly what the problem is with John. He's not the best singer on the planet and he has a job, so you want to kick him out of the band? Really?

I'd put forth the fact that he must not be all that bad if you guys keep getting gigs, because a lousy singer will make or break a band. He's also being smart by supporting himself while you guys do your thing, precisely because (especially in this economy) you can't just forgo income to chase a pink dragon.

How much you love music has nothing to do with this, so your first paragraph is really irrelevant to what's going on, here. Just because John isn't willing to sell all his stuff and tour the country in a broken-down VW bus like a "real" musician doesn't mean he's some kind of millstone around the band's neck. I'm sure if you somehow landed a million-dollar record deal he'd quit his job post-haste. But until that happens... he's doing better than you are, sad to say.
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