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Old 01-10-2013, 08:03 PM   #1
harrisonatsix
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Songwriting help please

Hey I'm trying to write a song which i have an instrumental for, but lyrically at the moment it's a bit crap and I can't finish it, I still need a bridge and 2 more lines for the extended chorus, any assistance could be great, especially on improving the current lyrics.

Yellow chinos clinging to his knees
Flat cap resting upon his head
V necks he's dyed all by himself
Does what his friends say, he's easily led
Listens to music but hates it all
'casue everyone likes it they must've sold out
Dyes his hair thinks he looks cool
People all think he's a pretentious fool

Strutting around he's an indie kid
Normal clothes God forbid
Hip and unique he tells himself
Yet looks the same as everybody else

Mid december and sunglasses on
Dark as night but won't take them off
Say's it's indie but looks a twat
Friends say what they think, yet he just scoughs
Lives by his bible the nme
If they don't like it, it must be shit

Strutting around he's an indie kid
Normal clothes God forbid
9 syllables
6 syllables
Hip and unique he tells himself
Yet looks the same as everybody else
8 syllables
10 syllables

BRIDGE (no current structure)

Strutting around he's an indie kid
Normal clothes God forbid
9 syllables
6 syllables
Hip and unique he tells himself
Yet looks the same as everybody else
8 syllables
10 syllables
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Old 01-13-2013, 03:16 PM   #2
ConcertShooter
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Join Date: Oct 2012
[QUOTE=harrisonatsix]I'm not a songwriter so keep that in mind.

What I see a lot in this particular forum is redundancy. The use of the same words in the same verse at least twice or more. Sometimes in the same sentence. Or the same form of the same word twice or more. Try and avoid that whenever possible.

I think the larger one's vocabulary the better the lyric writing.

Also spell the words you use correctly (Spell check is your friend. ---> 'casue everyone likes it they must've sold out). There is no such word as "must've." Does that matter in a song? Probably not.

Yellow chinos clinging to his knees
Flat cap resting on his head
Dyed v-necks created all by himself
Follows his friends so easily led
Music he listens yet despises it all
Everyone likes it must follow the herd
Hair colored blue the mirror says cool
They all think he a pretentious young fool

Not sure this fits your music but it flows off the lips a little easier to me. However, I'm not privy to your music at this point.

Last edited by ConcertShooter : 01-13-2013 at 03:49 PM.
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