Go Back   UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com > Music > Songwriting & Lyrics
User Name  
Password
Search:

Reply
Old 12-31-2012, 01:51 PM   #1
fenderdude06
the telecaster
 
fenderdude06's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: New York
Drunken Drawls and 2 Chains

You look different tonight
Like we've never met before
There's something inside us
I feel it on your fingertips

Come upstairs she says
I'm a little too out of it
The lips and teeth recede
The lips and teeth recede

Come on out of the black
Let's slip into your bed
Escape the music now
And create our own sounds

Daylight cracks the blinds
I squeeze my eyelids shut
The sun attacks my face
The sun attacks my face

Drunken drawls and 2 chains
Oh,
I might remember
Hope I don't forget
fenderdude06 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-31-2012, 02:52 PM   #2
aerosmithfan95
Call me Billy.
 
aerosmithfan95's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: In the pipes
I really liked the underlying rhythm that this has. I also really enjoyed the lines "Escape the music now / And create our own sounds". Keep it up, man!
__________________
AF95

Guitar --> Pedals --> Amplifier
aerosmithfan95 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-01-2013, 08:18 PM   #3
fenderdude06
the telecaster
 
fenderdude06's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: New York
thanks man! I'll take a look at yours. I'm also wondering if anyone can come up with a better title than this lol.
fenderdude06 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2013, 04:11 AM   #4
Audiolife
Registered User
 
Audiolife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
I think it definitely gets better after the first stanza with the third being the strongest in my opinion. The way I interpret the piece is that you're both expected to go sleep together even though there is no fire driving it. I see that in that she seems "different" and the "I'm a little too out of it" line. And that you are trying to make the best of the situation.

It's either that OR the exact opposite of that. OR I'm completely wrong =p! Either way, I liked it enough to think about the meaning. I like that it is an active piece, as that makes it easier to put ones self into the situation. I also like that you avoided overusing cliche metaphors that this subject matter can lead to.

Over all, great piece. If I HAD to pick one thing though, I would say to work on the first stanza some more. It feels like the first stanza is covers less ground than the other stanzas, which causes a bit of a slow start. Keep doing good work dude!
Audiolife is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2013, 07:45 PM   #5
fenderdude06
the telecaster
 
fenderdude06's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: New York
I agree about the first stanza... I might refine it a bit.


This is about a girl I've known since freshman year of college (we're seniors now).

Actually, it's more-so about a certain night than herself. We both blacked out at a party at her house and ended up in her bed. It was strange but pretty cool at the same time.

I've also written songs for girls in the past but they usually don't like them, so I decided to write this about the situation instead of the individual.

Cliches suck! haha thank you for your kind words.
fenderdude06 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2013, 01:21 PM   #6
doubtfulsalmon
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
overall i really like this.

there's a solid flow throughout and you've got some nice subtle rhyming. its concise as well, which i like, and lends extra impact when describing an otherwise complicated situation.

the only thing i didn't like was the last line, i felt like it was less well thought out than the rest of it and could have been used to really bring the situation into perspective, or something similar
doubtfulsalmon is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-2013, 08:18 PM   #7
sprfzzbgmff
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
This sounds like something Kesha would sing... Only a little more refined and intellectual. No offence of course.
sprfzzbgmff is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2013, 04:22 PM   #8
fenderdude06
the telecaster
 
fenderdude06's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: New York
haha I'm not really sure how to take that but thanks.

Kesha is kind of respectable for doing this cover of Wild Horses

fenderdude06 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:02 PM.

Forum Archives / About / Terms of Use / Advertise / Contact / Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2014
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.