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Old 01-28-2013, 12:43 PM   #1
Vlaco
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Not sure what genre these are...

Hey folks. First post in this section, so don't hesitate to let me know if I'm doing this wrong. But I've got some of my first recorded work up on Soundcloud. The guitar playing's nothing special- I've only been at this about two and a half years. Just warning you. I know they're not super polished- I'm more looking for opinions on the song writing/structure/composition.

https://soundcloud.com/josh-weishaar/sets/first-demos

I'd be happy to C4C, just give me a link to your stuff if there isn't one in your sig.

Thanks!
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Old 01-28-2013, 01:18 PM   #2
donegan_zealot
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- I like "Run" alot except for the solo could be a little more interesting, try breaking out that pattern you had goin for a while, to me it gets a little redundant.

-"sacrifices made" I didn't like the constant flanger that was going on, probably would have been ok if the level was down a bit more.

-"this has to stop" I felt like a part in the near middle of the song where maybe some drums come in could have made it really dynamic

The songs could be a bit longer

I know all I gave was the negatives but overall i really dig it, something I would jam in my car. my favorites were "run" for some pretty great vocals and "sunglasses in the shade" which I thought had some great lyrics.
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Old 01-28-2013, 10:26 PM   #3
Vlaco
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Thanks! Yeah, I let the drummer do the mixing on Run... big mistake. I didn't think the solo was gonna make it in. I still don't think it should have.

Do you have anything you'd like me to critique? I couldn't find anything on the first few pages, so if so, help me help you...
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Old 01-29-2013, 12:40 AM   #4
aaron aardvark
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Viaco,
Thank you for the reviews! Now your tune: Guitar riffs are good, they remind me of a Smashing Pumpkins song, I forget which one. Guitar playing is fine. Having another guitar riff or two somehow wouldn't hurt. Having some drums & electric bass & lead guitar could improve things also, though it holds up quite well as is. I like the vocal melody & the vocals are strong! Good to sing with some emotion, and belting it out. I like the occasional slight voice cracking also. Cheers!
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Old 01-29-2013, 01:07 AM   #5
donegan_zealot
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vlaco
Thanks! Yeah, I let the drummer do the mixing on Run... big mistake. I didn't think the solo was gonna make it in. I still don't think it should have.

Do you have anything you'd like me to critique? I couldn't find anything on the first few pages, so if so, help me help you...


nah I got nothin, just thought I'd give my two cents
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Old 01-31-2013, 07:28 AM   #6
Zerath
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Thanks for the crit!

I like the riff in "Where am I going" and the vocals are pretty good too! in "Run" I get the feeling that you really need to stretch to reach those high notes try to keep an open throat and use the diaphfragm more when hitting those notes. As for the songs themselves, a little more variety would add a lot of depth to them, like a bridge or an extra prechorus and so on.

Also, "Sunglasses in the sun" had a nice groove to it you should make it longer.

Last edited by Zerath : 01-31-2013 at 07:33 AM.
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Old 02-01-2013, 06:43 PM   #7
ARom22
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I'm really digging the tone and the riffs in "Where Am I Going." It reminds me of something I would probably listen to driving down PCH at sunrise, and your voice just has this Billy Corgan-esque quality to it (Billy Corgan is one of my biggest influences and musical heroes, so that's a lot coming from me).

I like "Sacrifices Made" a lot. Like, A LOT. It's very reminiscent of Smashing Pumpkins. All of the guitar work is killer (though I think it could benefit from some lead work to avoid it becoming monotonous). I think the only thing that detracts from it is the production. It's spaced very strangely and doesn't sound as full as it could, but it is a demo so I know production isn't the top priority at this point.

I feel the same way about "Run." The bass sounds perfect. The overall production is a bit better here, but the drums are just too quiet and 1-dimensional sounding. I also think the rhythm guitar should be panned out left and right to give the song a bigger sense of space, and that the vocals (which sound killer) should definitely be more centered. I like the tone on the lead, and I know you said something already about it not going anywhere, but that's a pretty simple fix. I think this song will be excellent when it's finished and polished up!

"State Street" I definitely like. It's very relaxing and the vocals and lyrics are melancholy and reflective. I love the drum-work, but again think that the drums need to sound fuller and should be a bit louder as well. Overall, though, I could easily picture listening to this some night while drinking a few beers and sitting around a campfire on a beach

I dig "Sunglasses In the Sun", and I think it could really benefit from full instrumentation, but that's just me. Lyrically it's excellent and there is a cool groove to it.

I love the fuzz on "This Has to Stop." Actually, I like everything about this song. The riffs, the structure, the lyrics, all of it. This song will be killer when it's finished

The guitar work and use of delay on "Leave Me" are awesome! They give it a sort of early U2 vibe. I love the subtle dynamics you made use of as well (1:43 for example). This song is undoubtedly well written and I think you have an excellent voice. I think the vocals could benefit from more reverb to help match the space created by the guitar, but again, this is a demo so I guess I shouldn't really be looking for minute details like that :p lol

Overall, I think this is all great! I hear a lot of potential in all of these songs and can't wait to hear their finished versions!
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Old 02-04-2013, 11:35 PM   #8
plangentmusic
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Stuff sounds good. Nice variety too (which is rare). Overall, I'd just say a few thing can use some tidying up. A few intonation things here and there, a little tighter playing here and there, -- it can make all the difference, but other than that, NICE JOB.
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Old 02-08-2013, 12:34 PM   #9
Vlaco
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Hey folks! Assuming I can get them to load properly, I added two new tracks to the SoundCloud set. Melt into the Floor and Marriot are tracks that I really don't know how I feel about yet. Especially Marriot...
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Old 02-13-2013, 12:33 PM   #10
ChrisRL
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very good stuff man I'm liking it a lot. Vocally, I think you sound better in the upper register. Almost Kings of Leon-esque maybe. And the guitar is pretty damn solid for only 2.5 years -sounds great keep at it!!
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