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Old 01-09-2013, 12:07 AM   #1
Do Re Mi
Johnny
 
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Writing of the Week - Ssss

Several separate sets of steps;
a million each
A guilt-ridden, empty thing
in between

Fake interest horrifies, it makes me love you less
But I'm just a failure who's an animal at best

If there's something that I've learned from living in the states
It's to always be afraid and ashamed

Last edited by Do Re Mi : 01-09-2013 at 12:09 AM.
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Old 01-15-2013, 02:50 PM   #2
AngryGoldfish
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Location: Ireland
This was a very solid piece. The theme was both obvious enough to fully appreciate something so short, but also diverse and detailed enough to keep the reader second guessing.

The first line is effective at metaphorizing the trips and falls we can take whilst living our lives in amongst our counterparts and competitors, and the second paragraph's simple and surprising rhyme adds further depth to the misery it eludes to.

Very good stuff. Not much more to be said than that. It was short and sweet. Congrats on WotW.
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Old 01-16-2013, 06:45 PM   #3
Do Re Mi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AngryGoldfish
This was a very solid piece. The theme was both obvious enough to fully appreciate something so short, but also diverse and detailed enough to keep the reader second guessing.

The first line is effective at metaphorizing the trips and falls we can take whilst living our lives in amongst our counterparts and competitors, and the second paragraph's simple and surprising rhyme adds further depth to the misery it eludes to.

Very good stuff. Not much more to be said than that. It was short and sweet. Congrats on WotW.


Thank you. This is much appreciated.
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Last edited by Do Re Mi : 01-16-2013 at 06:59 PM.
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