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Old 01-15-2013, 09:46 AM   #1
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Melatonin Stirs

Past eviction date
The day I was forced off the bicycle
My cycle turned upside down
Voices bloomed, madness crept
Saw the ground swell
Thought the end was here
Convinced I was damned
Seems like my heart disappeared
A few.."sometimes"
And I was in a strange haze
One compared to the strongest receipts given at a medical care
Up and down this wave of motions
Like an echo within
Nearest a pine cone
Where the melatonin stirs
This, however I bear to tolerate anymore
Those lousy nights with no sleep at all
Should abandon this life
For Jannah, how I miss yours gentle chime
I smile, bearing the thoughts of her
Will, is just an arms reach
What lies beneath
Guiding me
Tween the distance
Eyes triangle fields
Where I put my hands
On faith for
A normal day
To arise

Last edited by Eccer : 01-17-2013 at 10:14 AM.
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Old 01-15-2013, 05:49 PM   #2
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I really liked this piece and the way I interpreted it was a man lost his wife and child, with the first section about him falling off the bike and into a haze where he is grieving. Is 'Where the melatonin stirs' his happy memories with them? And after this it's him coming to terms with the loss and hoping for things to get better, am I along the right line? I don't understand the first line at all, I can't figure out it's meaning.
Lines which I feel could be changed to be more effective (don't listen if you don't agree) are "I smile, bearing the thoughts of 'her'" and What lies beneath to They lie beneath, this is just me nitpicking and you may not have even intended for it to be like that but oh well
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Old 01-16-2013, 01:23 AM   #3
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The song is literally about insomnia, done in a overly dramatic way. It's quite personal actually. The cycle being turned upside by unforseen forces, is the fact that I had to begin working 3 shifts. Day-evening-night, destroying my daily night and day cycle. It ****s you up over time... believe me, I wrote this yesterday having no sleep at all haha
Jannah is just another word for paradise, that I wish to just leave it all and do what I want to do.

Edit: I changed it to "her", thanks for that nitpick. I think it flows better like that, and it brings a question whether its love or something else he resembles as love

Last edited by Eccer : 02-27-2013 at 05:28 AM.
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