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Old 08-15-2013, 09:02 PM   #1
jiminizzle
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Contamination.

Contamination.

How much of your life was for show?
The man picked up on the side of the road,
the girl you made up to keep the conversation going.
He was right; his was worse--lied about a pregnancy,
told him to get lost, and when he finally did,
told him she could have loved him,
they could have spent Christmas together,
then she called him right on the day he lost his job
to say she was going on a date with some new asshole
like he needed to know that.
He said I'm tired, Jimmy and you became tired
just for hearing it, weariness manifested, surprised that earlier
when you shook hands across the gearshift you didn't squeeze right through him.

But isn't this like yourself?
A year and a half spent
on someone who could never be who you hoped so perfectly
into an impermanent existence, saying "I guess this is the one"
hardly as if you believed it--
you did for the story though,
for the american-ness of it.
He did it because of a loneliness you can smell on him--
he was so sure there was no one else in this world,
you rode to the outskirts of Staunton a ghost
among ghosts, you were the shadow you thought you were picking up,
and you were so convinced, then, that he was the most palpable person you'd ever met,
the only real person you'd ever met, that when he slotted off the edge of the sideview mirror,
into the black trees beyond the headlights,
a life disappeared.
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Last edited by jiminizzle : 08-17-2013 at 09:52 AM.
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Old 08-16-2013, 05:21 PM   #2
vintage x metal
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it's funny, the souls that fill your moments like virginia creeper, only to get lost again in some forested fog, the lost brush. sometimes our thoughts wander towards the horizon, and sometimes they etch themselves intimately into the surfaces that hold you.
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Old 08-16-2013, 06:01 PM   #3
merkalos666
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Very well written piece! Keep on penning more lyrics!
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Old 08-16-2013, 06:14 PM   #4
hippieboy444
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this really picked up into the end of the first stanza and the second. it flows so in and out of itself it's really nice to read. but goddamn can't you pick a bigger damn font? shit i had to copy it into wordpad.
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Old 08-17-2013, 09:57 AM   #5
jiminizzle
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upped the size for you babe

thanks guys. couldn't sleep that night until after i coughed this up. playing with a few tweaks off and on.

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it's funny, the souls that fill your moments like virginia creeper, only to get lost again in some forested fog, the lost brush. sometimes our thoughts wander towards the horizon, and sometimes they etch themselves intimately into the surfaces that hold you.

yeah meeting this guy kinda ****ed me up a bit. I think I needed that.
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Old 08-17-2013, 03:59 PM   #6
#1 synth
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the line breaks and punctuation need some revision i think but that aside this piece had great confidence and was pretty tight. good poem.
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Old 08-18-2013, 07:55 AM   #7
NGD1313
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i missed your stuff. very haunting. could use a bit of line break revision as Dylan said and i'm not sure about 'asshole' in the first verse. it's a little too strong, i think? could just be me though. the rest is excellent.
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