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Old 02-12-2013, 10:58 AM   #1
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Zoo Hires Famed Pianist to Sexually Arouse Tortoises

Thought you all might find this a bit... amusing:

Richard Clayderman is a famed French pianist who has released multiple albums and compilations of some of the most beauteous music ever composed. His newest stunt, put together by his record company and the London zoo, however, have some people scratching their collective heads.

This past Thursday, Mr. Clayderman played his music to a unique audience: tortoises. Why exactly did he do this? According to the Associated Press, it was "an attempt to put the reptiles in the mood to mate."

He serenaded the animals with "Ballade pour Adeline," one of his most famous pieces, then "Chariots of Fire." Unfortunately for the tortoise race, the music "did little to lift their spirits," and their interest only piqued "when zookeepers brought them some carrots."

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Old 02-12-2013, 10:59 AM   #2
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Works whenever I try it
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Old 02-12-2013, 11:01 AM   #3
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I can't blame them, carrots are hot
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Old 02-12-2013, 11:02 AM   #4
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I wonder how many carrots they could have bought instead of bringing old frenchy mcfrenchenheim in to hit some keys.
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Old 02-12-2013, 11:04 AM   #5
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Too bad tortoises don't have ears..
How do you make a signature? Is this a signature? Sig?.... Nature?..... Sigmund Freud?...... Nature Valley?.... Sigmund Fraud?..... Frankie Valli?.... ah, $!*@ it...
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Old 02-12-2013, 11:05 AM   #6
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It's a 2-way street man. I hire turtles to sexually arouse me all the time.
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Old 02-12-2013, 11:13 AM   #7
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I read this as

Zoo Hires Famed Pianist to Sexually Abuse Tortoises
Originally Posted by raoooos
slipknot are actually just terrible, they're such a "holy shit i'm 14" kind of band. like fuck off mum i'm not going to school i have to clear the stone of leaves.
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Old 02-12-2013, 11:16 AM   #8
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Old 02-12-2013, 11:32 AM   #9
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Tortoises are too ruff on the dick IMO.
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Old 02-12-2013, 11:35 AM   #10
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Of course.
the plastic king of castle polyethylene

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Old 02-12-2013, 12:10 PM   #11
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I'd be pretty sexually aroused too if I had a nice big carrot inside me.
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Old 02-12-2013, 12:45 PM   #12
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Zoo Hires Famed Penis to Sexually Arouse Tortoises

that would probably work better
Last.fm So you can make fun of my taste in music
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Old 02-12-2013, 12:52 PM   #13
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If all it takes is carrots, what made them think they needed a pianist?
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Old 02-12-2013, 12:54 PM   #14
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I'm more amused by the aggressive advertising of aggressive conservative t-shirts and bumper stickers.
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Old 02-12-2013, 01:00 PM   #15
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Wouldn't it have been cheaper to just set up some speakers? I guess they have trouble trying to keep them from going extinct and stuff though, so whatever works.
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3 ram, nice

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Old 02-12-2013, 01:01 PM   #16
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This is bollocks, he say's his dog sit's by the piano - I don't know about you guys but when I'm rocking wood I don't feel the need to sit by a piano - how is that an example of sexual arousal in animals
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Old 02-12-2013, 02:08 PM   #17
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Wow...so basically, they paid this guy a wad of cash to play the piano, in the hopes that it would arouse the tortoises. He probably was laughing his ass off all the way to the bank.
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Old 02-12-2013, 02:40 PM   #18
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Well, he's certainly a shell of his former self.
Ours is but a fragile existence

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Old 02-12-2013, 02:42 PM   #19
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that website omg
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Old 02-12-2013, 02:42 PM   #20
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Richard Clayderman: failure at rustling

fekking lol!
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