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Old 07-22-2014, 05:54 AM   #4401
chaoticfables
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holy mother of what. none of this makes sense. I am utterly confused.

everyone's so at peace with everything at uni and I'm pretending to be okay too but I'm not and most of the time I'm just sitting there not knowing what to do. the content is confusing and as soon as I think I get something, I quickly find out that I don't

law school by itself is confusing and difficult but everyone else is not only kicking butt at uni but also doing all these extracurriculars and jobs and being superstars. Everyone's so kick-butt and the atmosphere is like a private school. I don't fit into the culture at all. I'm by myself most of the time, which I'm okay with, but I'm just worried about my future. Jobs and shit. having some actual friends. fuck.
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Old 07-23-2014, 09:02 PM   #4402
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Thanks guys. I know I've been through a lot and hopefully the worst is behind me, but it just sucks, ya know?

Funny you mention the God thing, Brandon. I've actually been a believer for a while, and my faith definitely helped out, and it's probably a big reason why I wasn't terrified of dying if worst had come to worst. But it also kind of opens a whole new "can of worms" (so to speak), and in a sense I've been kind of angry on-and-off at the big man upstairs. Like why did this whole ordeal happen? I sure don't feel like a better person because of it, if anything, I feel worse because I'm always feeling negative about things.

I don't know anymore, I'm just waiting for something good to finally happen.
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Old 07-23-2014, 10:11 PM   #4403
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I'm glad to see this thread running again.

I've kept it quiet for quite a while now, even in UG-land. But I just cannot stop feeling existentially angsty. As some of you might know, I've tried to help myself through my Pantheistic beliefs. And while at first it seemed to have solved the problem, but over time, I've begun doubting it's premise. Not through means of any kind of strictly rational criticism, but from a spiritual standpoint.

Pantheism condones the worship of all that is within nature and the universe with god-like reverence. But I cannot worship it. Simply because life is too cruel. modern-day society likes to put the term, 'nature' on a pedestal, in that it wears rose-tinted glasses and paints a utopian landscape in people's minds. But in reality the whole of the universe is full of cruelty and brutality, and I just cannot revere that. If I only worship that which is good, I'm not really worshipping the universe for what it really is. I'm just worshipping a fantasy. And that's just not Pantheism.

And I don't feel like it gives me fulfilling closure to the nature of my existence either. The universe is eternal, and could possibly have no boundaries of what's possible. But the fact remains that I'm only here because of chance, and that no other explanation can be found because we simply don't know enough about the existence of, well... existing. Pantheism doesn't have an explanation for that. And it's unclear if any explanation is feasible.

I wish to lead a spiritual life because I need closure on this. An explanation that isn't just a cop-out; such as 'God works in mysterious ways' or "Life is whatever you make of it." or any other variations of the claim equally as undefined and devoid of substance in my humble opinion. And I feel like I'll be miserable forever, and never find a personally satisfying answer.
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Old 07-24-2014, 12:41 PM   #4404
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Thanks guys. I know I've been through a lot and hopefully the worst is behind me, but it just sucks, ya know?

Funny you mention the God thing, Brandon. I've actually been a believer for a while, and my faith definitely helped out, and it's probably a big reason why I wasn't terrified of dying if worst had come to worst. But it also kind of opens a whole new "can of worms" (so to speak), and in a sense I've been kind of angry on-and-off at the big man upstairs. Like why did this whole ordeal happen? I sure don't feel like a better person because of it, if anything, I feel worse because I'm always feeling negative about things.

I don't know anymore, I'm just waiting for something good to finally happen.

Brother I know how you feel. I have seen in my own life and other life. The book of Job is great for explain things like this. I do know this. The storms are meant to strength our faith and open doors for us. Oceans by Hillsong is what that all about. God strengths us in our time in need when we surrender to him. Shark I am on lunch right now, but tonight I will post again with Scripture and good in detail for you. For now though I will leave you with Romans 8:28. "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Look up King Hezekiah as well. He went though something very similar. Blue I will address your concern after work as well. I searched for the same answer and I know how you guys feel.
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Old 07-24-2014, 05:49 PM   #4405
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Shark and Blue. My personal belief is God uses trials as way of strengthen us and drawing us closer to him. Apostle Paul story is prime example of it. Paul went though many trials in his life and he took pride in his suffering. He had this great understanding about them. The more I read from him the more I am just amazed. Some verses to explain what I mean.


Romans 5:1-5 (NKJV)
"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have[a] peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 3 And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; 4 and perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."

Here Paul saying that God uses trials to strength us and mold us for what he want us to be. He has a purpose for us, and he prepares us though the spirit to go where he want us to go. There are times he is going call us into a ocean like Jesus called Peter. We may not want to go, however if we go God is going bring us something. Sometimes it is a blessing, sometimes a deepen of faith, sometimes it is to give a deeper understanding. Storms mold us though grace into his perfection.

Paul has this real beautiful moment, where he states everything he lost is in gain of Christ. Paul was man who brought Jesus to Gentiles when God called him to do so. There was nights he spent in jail for his belief and in his end he had his head cut off. However though suffering the gentiles heard the message of Christ. Though his blood,sweat, and tears thousands of people have come to Christ. People are still coming to Christ of his work. Paul's life for Christ has made one of the biggest impacts on history.

Paul also says something where he question God him self. Paul had something he was struggling with that he called his thorn in his side. Gods words to him were this:
"The Thorn in the Flesh
7 And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. 8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinithians 7-10 (NKJV)

God uses storms to teach us things and strengthen us. The Old Testament is full of them, and the new Testament explains and full of them as well. He works though these things teach us and draw close to him. Sometimes he has goes though something, to help someone down the road who goes though the same thing. Sometimes he has go though things to become leaders. Sometimes he uses them have us grow closer and surrender to him. I hope this explain some of this to you guys. If you guys want more, I can go more in depth guys. I will leave you with this.
James 1:5 (NKJV)
"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him."

God is more then willing to help us if we surrender our issues to him.
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Old 07-24-2014, 06:32 PM   #4406
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I appreciate that you have taken all this time to try to explain why we are here in your own words. But I am not a Christian. I am a Pantheist struggling with their own faith. I do not agree with Christianity on a fundamental level whatsoever, and I'm very confident in that conviction. I don't want to go into any specifics as to why because the hugging thread obviously isn't the place for a God debate.

But if you would like me to elaborate through PM's, I'd be okay with that.
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Old 07-24-2014, 08:23 PM   #4407
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I appreciate that you have taken all this time to try to explain why we are here in your own words. But I am not a Christian. I am a Pantheist struggling with their own faith. I do not agree with Christianity on a fundamental level whatsoever, and I'm very confident in that conviction. I don't want to go into any specifics as to why because the hugging thread obviously isn't the place for a God debate.

But if you would like me to elaborate through PM's, I'd be okay with that.

That's not my belief why we are here. Also, I am not really interest in debating. You may considerate me elitist or closed minded but my belief is my religion is true. You would make no progress with me. If you mind is not open to concept grace and actually learning, then I am not going get far with you either. I believe we are because of grace. All God has ever wanted was a relationship with his people. I cant simply put in 100 words or less anymore. In my hearts of hearts, Jesus is my king and the only way to heaven is though his grace and surrender to him. I am not trying debate you and I think this best we leave this conversation, unless you opening minded to a true view of Christianity.

However saying that, I used to be that way. I used to on that fundamental. However God doesnt work fundamentally, he works spiritually. I never got it til he hit me with grace and starting reading for myself and let behind those misconceptions behind. People get wrap on one issue that they throw it out. However, if they read on their on and ask for God wisdom it is freely give it. Also finding a good pastor is key. Have a blessed man. If you ever do ended wanting to know about it, you know where I am.
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Old 07-24-2014, 09:59 PM   #4408
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That's not my belief why we are here.

But I thought you said;
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My personal belief is God uses trials as way of strengthen us and drawing us closer to him.

Is that not an explanation? Because that's the explanation I was referring to.

I think what has happened is that you thought I used the word, 'fundamental' to refer to Fundamentalism. I actually meant that I don't agree with Christianity's ideology on the most basic of levels (no matter what denomination it is). I'm sorry if that caused some confusion.

I very much respect that you're passionate about your faith, and that you have the right to believe in it. But I just cannot justify it for myself. And I indeed have given Christianity a real chance to convince me on many occasions in the past. I've read a fair portion of the bible and I've considered the perspectives of various Christian people I talked to from my sister's methodist church, including one-on-one chats with pastors from several other churches. I've even read books from a few high profile Christian apologists. I practiced prayer, and attempted to help others with their faith in the ministry.

So in fact, I have approached this with an open mind. I have given it a chance and I've made the effort to take the prospect of Christianity seriously. But despite it all, I'm still not convinced. And the more I think about it, the more absurd it all seems.

It would be wonderful to believe that death is not the end, and that I can save me from myself with the power of a deity. But I also value what I believe to be the contrarian truth, no matter how crippling and frightening that truth might be. Because otherwise, I'd feel like I would be living a lie. (Although to be honest it's sometimes hard to decide what would be worse).

If I've offended you in any way, I'm sorry. I really am. But I've only said all of this because I respect you enough to be honest with where I stand, and that you have the right to an explanation.
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Old 07-24-2014, 10:25 PM   #4409
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But I thought you said;

Is that not an explanation? Because that's the explanation I was referring to.

I think what has happened is that you thought I used the word, 'fundamental' to refer to Fundamentalism. I actually meant that I don't agree with Christianity's ideology on the most basic of levels (no matter what denomination it is). I'm sorry if that caused some confusion.

I very much respect that you're passionate about your faith, and that you have the right to believe in it. But I just cannot justify it for myself. And I indeed have given Christianity a proper chance to convince me on many occasions in the past. I've read a fair portion of the bible and I've considered the perspectives of various Christian people I talked to from my sister's methodist church, including one-on-one chats with pastors from several other churches. I've even read books from a few high profile Christian apologists.

So in fact, I have approached this with an open mind. And I have given it a chance and made the effort to take the prospect of Christianity seriously. But despite it all, I'm still not convinced. And the more I think about it, the more absurd it seems.

Despite how wonderful it would be to believe that death is not the end, and that I can save me from myself with the power of a deity, I also value what I believe to be the contrarian truth, no matter how crippling and frightening that truth might be.

If I've offended you in any way, I'm sorry. I really am. But I've only said all of this because I respect you enough to be honest with where I stand, and that you have the right to know why.

I am not offended man, I am just saying I dont think us debating it would not produce anything good fruit man. Most of the time debates are arguments and not true conversations.What I was explaining Shark was why challenging things happen in our life. Christianity is so much more then one word answer. A true christian to me, doesnt considerate a religion, but a relationship with Christ. I am personally Pentecostal.
I personally degree with a lot of churches as well, for they reject spiritual gifts that I have seen with my own eyes. There is a much bigger picture that I think some pastors and people miss. There are churches who have it right, churches who are starving, and church like westboro who have it dead wrong. God love is shown on the cross. The Glory of it all is he came here to die for us so we could be made perfect. The basic truth is we are all sinners who falling short in need of grace. All God wants from us is repent, surrender, and love. My beliefs come from my own personal relationship with God. I encourage you to click on the I am Second videos on my sig. There are many great videos there and you may start to have deeper understanding what I trying to say.
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Old 07-24-2014, 10:30 PM   #4410
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I will click on those videos. Don't worry.

And thank you for understanding.
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Old 07-24-2014, 10:42 PM   #4411
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My simple creed is this man. I believe Jesus died and rose. I believe in baptism of Holy Spirit. God created us in his own image. If you read the whole bible two things are evident. God loves us, and God wants a relationship with us. He went to great lengths to have a personally relationship with all of us. I believe we are here because of he created us. I believe it was by Grace that we are saved. The bible is about grace and love. I believe that we must surrender daily and serve him. I believe that is the only true way to freedom. God loves us all and has purpose for us. I am not ashamed of him. He saved me out of my anxiety and depression. He has took me so far in one year then I could in 3 years. I am not ashamed to say I love Jesus. He set me free. It wasnt til I laid aside my selfish desires that I was truly happy man. All the things I long for in my youth. Meaning, purpose, and just a father who showed he care I got it. All he wants for us to just let him be him in our life. He wants us share his love and his message. Sadly people usually spread the wrong message. God loves Everyone, and he considers them sons. However he is just judge and he will judge his children in the end. Are you good enough person get into heaven? The answer is none of us all. That why Jesus had to die. That why Jesus came is give us all a second chance, sometimes fourth chance. He love us so much that he laid down his life for us. See at the end, it doesnt matter if you were a good person or not. It matters if Jesus was in your life. Jesus steps in as our Representative in front of God. That what saves us, is his grace. That is the message of Christianity.

Brother, the only reason I understand is I have been there. I will tell you this if God has bought this many people in your life to talk you, he has an awesome plan for you.


I do want thank you for hearing me out.
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Old 07-24-2014, 11:21 PM   #4412
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I definitely understand why people share your beliefs. Story time.

My best friend's mother, Jody (I'm not using their actual names), had an extremely traumatic birth of one of her sons, Hugh. But he was born dangerously premature. The muscles that regulate blow flow to the lungs were underdeveloped and were failing. Surgeons did all they could to save him, but it was too little too late. His heart let go, and it completely flooded his lungs with blood. Hugh died from drowning.

I cannot imagine what horror Jody had to have faced. It must've been beyond any description. I'm not even going to begin to pretend to truly understand that kind of devastation.

Jody was soon to have another child shortly after Hugh. And like Hugh, this other child, Jason, was born dangerously premature. There were great fears that Jason's severe underdevelopment would cause him to be blind, his bones deformed and overly fragile, to have dangerously underdeveloped lungs that would inhibit his breathing, and to be mentally retarded for the rest of his life.

But there was another danger. The surgeons predicted that Jason would suffer exactly the same fate as Hugh. And that just like him, Jason's heart muscles would be dangerously underdeveloped. But this time, the surgeons had bought themselves enough time to actually be able to do something about it. And so he had a major heart operation that would kill him if it went wrong, but it never did. And amazingly, he survived.

But it gets more astonishing than that. He did manage to gain some of his vision back, even at the price of surgeons having to remove the sections of his eyes that give him peripheral vision. His eyesight is still poor to this day and his peripheral vision is nonexistent, but at least he isn't blind. The fears of his bones being underdeveloped, virtually never happened. The only problem he has nowadays is weakened tooth enamel. His underdeveloped lungs? He does have a diminished lung capacity and as a result, a lower oxygen level in his blood than most other people, but his body has somehow adapted to it. Despite the handicap, he's even pretty athletic And the fears of him having mental retardation? It never happened. His brain function is normal. Unbelievable.

But none of that would've been possible if not for Hugh. And because of Hugh, Jody is a Christian. Because she has faith that God put Hugh on this earth as a rescue mission to save Jason's life.

As for Jason? Jason is my best friend. He is the most wonderful human being I have ever had the privilege to meet. He is like a brother to me. I love him with all my heart.

I finally got to meet Jason and his wonderful family this May. I flew to the US and got to live with them for 3 weeks, and it was the happiest 3 weeks of my life. And a main reason why that is, is because as Jody and I sat in the car together on a lazy afternoon, watching Jason play softball with his dad, she told me the whole thing. When Jason and his dad finished their game, I cried like a baby into his shoulder. Blubbering into him what a miracle he is. I cry even as I write this.

You don't need to be afraid that I don't understand you, man. Real people in real situations like that are worth my complete honour to know, faith or no faith.

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Old 07-24-2014, 11:33 PM   #4413
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Blue, that great story. I will tell you this, I have learn people of faith who go though things like have deep relationship God that just amazing. Courageous is a great movie that shows that man. Honesty, it nice have a conversation about it without the other person start attacking me for my beliefs. We are too busy ripping each throats out as society that love is lost. That why I fear we are near the end as well, but that for another time. I will leave you with this tonight. When you are ready, God has a plan for you man. I just been where you are man. I grew up in church, and I went though a period just asking why about everything. It wasnt to I came back to God in different environment that I started to understand. I am getting to point, where I starting to truly understand grace and love. The petty things just start fall away. I am getting to point where I am really to share the gospel on deeper level then I have in the past. Just know this, I know where you are in life because I been there man.


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Old 07-24-2014, 11:36 PM   #4414
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Thank you.
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Old 07-25-2014, 09:28 PM   #4415
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Blue you might want check out New Life Radio and their facebook page out. Stephen Arterburn has wrote tons of books about challenges we face in our life and have done his own men's study bible that I have as well. It may give you a little more insight as well.
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Old Today, 01:06 AM   #4416
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I don't know if this is the right place to put this, but I was wondering if any of you guys have had any experience with therapy for depression and if its worth seeing a doctor. I've had a feeling i've been depressed for a long time, but i havent been able to even think of going to a doctor due to lack of insurance and general money problem, until recently. I finally got enough money where I can probably afford to go & pay for medication or sessions so I can go, im just wondering how much it can help and if its worth the money.
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