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Old 10-08-2013, 03:36 PM   #1
Jammydude44
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Join Date: May 2006
Jacket

the sun stokes the suspicion
that arises on the brim of your brow
and the truth drips in front of your eyes
detected by the time the evening glows

and I'm above the inclination
to prowl around the dark
to fold your cheek in with your fist
and punch it through my heart

does it echo round the mornings?
does it mind you driving slow?
does it make you think of when you used to think those things of me
and thinking of those things would make your head explode?

it was always on the cards
the final copper dropped
and emptiness is steeping
sides of every book

there was token generosity when you climbed out my heart
and disappeared in knee-highs deep into the dark
you kind of hit the sweet spot between the bitter and the bark
wearing my jacket as your last laugh

does it mess with your mitosis?
does it get up in your edges?
does it make you think of when you used to think of things of me
and thinking of those things would make your heart ache?

it was always on the cards
the final gobber stopped
and emptiness is seeping
through the cracks in every look

there was token generosity when you climbed out my heart
and disappeared in knee-highs deep into the dark
you kind of hit the sweet spot between the bitter and the bark
wearing my jacket as your last laugh

it was always on the way
the sour cherry champagne-flute charade

there was token generosity when you climbed out my heart
and disappeared in knee-highs deep into the dark
you kind of hit the sweet spot between the bitter and the bark
wearing my jacket as your last laugh

Last edited by Jammydude44 : 10-08-2013 at 03:39 PM.
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Old 10-08-2013, 04:58 PM   #2
doubtfulsalmon
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Join Date: Jan 2011
the lyrical feel of this is incredibly well done, it's normally something i'm a fan of but i really enjoyed this. that repeated stanza (chorus?) is the catchiest thing ever.
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Old 10-08-2013, 05:40 PM   #3
Eccer
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Yeah, this hit jackpot for me! Awesome rhyming, well written and truly engaging.


Would you kindly look on my newest? Given that I just gave you the longest review ever, I think you should too.
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Old 10-09-2013, 02:58 PM   #4
5wFisher
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Join Date: Jul 2011
i really enjoyed this. good work
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