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Old 06-15-2013, 03:03 PM   #1
zack_as
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Stop

I'm still new at this whole thing, so don't judge too harshly

All I hear
are people's voices
so loud against my ear
how can i block them out

They're telling me
what i should wear
who i should be
how can i breathe when their voices suffocate me

If only people would listen
to what we have to say
they're only bringing us down
maybe they should pay
for all the sorrows they cause

The way people are
oh how it should change
they should learn
not to lake us feel afraid

they want me to be
that they demand
don't i get a choice in this
i gotta live my own life

If only people would listen
to what we have to say
they're only bringing us down
maybe they should pay
for all the sorrows they cause

I won't live life the way they tell me to
so ill stop the tears as they roll down
i have to stop caring about what they want
i have to learn to be who i am

If only people would listen
to what we have to say
they're only bringing us down
so maybe they should pay
for all the sorrows they cause
please make it stop
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Old 06-19-2013, 11:33 AM   #2
Cavalcade
Days, I feel it...
 
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Join Date: Jul 2011
This song is stewing in a thick, musty broth of clichés. Lines like "please make it stop" and "I gotta live my own life", or really every other line, are just too hackneyed to have any impact on a listener who's already heard them a million times. In addition, it's just too literal. If you really feel this, then show, don't tell. "I feel like this" is a bad way to write lyrics, because it only makes sense to you. Anyone else who doesn't feel that way doesn't give two shits, and as a lyricist, it's your job to make them give two shits.
To make this better, learn to spot clichéd lines and avoid them (or twist them into something original, like Fair To Midland does- well, maybe later; baby steps for now), and use poetic devices, especially good imagery. Good imagery is the bread and butter of emotional lyrics. Without it, an "emotional" song is nothing but an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
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