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Old 11-23-2012, 11:55 AM   #1
DragTheWaters11
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Sign of God [Progressive Death Metal] Lyrics Inside [Incomplete but C4C]

Critique for Critique. Just link to your song otherwise I won't have time to find / return the critique.

[DON'T HAVE TO CRITIQUE LYRICS, JUST MUSIC IS FINE]

Song's incomplete but lyrics are finished and below. Just want your thoughts on what I have so far. Thanks~

---- Lyrics ----

Verse 1:
You may be gone through fallen earth.
But darkness surrounds us.
Evil has laid refuge in hearth.
Morbidness becomes us.
Blind eye to limelight years.
Four decades befall lust.
Entropy filled with dying tears.
War cries enthrall trust.

Verse 2:
Gather time for divine lies.
Won't stop you stupid ****. [ f u c k ]
Lure flies to our desolate eyes.
Can't stop this new trump.
Rewind the fabric of time.
For once we've fallen through.
Rear back and repeat that line.
Death has befallen you!

Chorus / Outro x2
Cannot cut the malevolent ties.
Born under the sign of God.
Won't budge no matter the lies.
No sight of right or wrong.
Eternity feels the seeping rights.
Of a man left to the tape worm.
Looked up to blindness might.
Expert destruction has begun.


Systematic defection.
Despair found upon birth.
'Till the end of redemption.
No value left, no worth.

Reached out from the void.
Touch by a soul left unfurled.
Boiled to the precipice.
Point left withered, left murdered.

Chorus / Outro x1
Cannot cut the malevolent ties.
Born under the sign of God.
Won't budge no matter the lies.
No sight of right or wrong.
Eternity feels the seeping rights.
Of a man left to the tape worm.
Looked up to blindness might.
Expert destruction has begun.
Attached Files
File Type: gp5 Sign of God.gp5 (29.2 KB, 163 views)
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Last edited by DragTheWaters11 : 11-23-2012 at 11:56 AM.
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Old 11-23-2012, 03:39 PM   #2
EpiExplorer
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The sweeping sections dont fit melodically.
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Old 11-24-2012, 06:38 AM   #3
xbitmetal
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Nothing to complain but in the "sweeping" section melody didn't fit. I edited the melody and put it into repeat so you can choose do you like your melody as it was before or this one.
Attached Files
File Type: gp4 You know what I'm saying2.gp4 (9.4 KB, 40 views)
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Old 11-24-2012, 09:46 PM   #4
DragTheWaters11
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Okay, thanks. I thought the sweeps were fine because the off melody set an obscure sound but thank you.
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Old 12-04-2012, 08:08 PM   #5
Jimmy-G
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Hey mate I just wanted to say that I agree with you that the sweeps do have an obscure sound too them. I personally think its fine if you keep it like that
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Old 12-05-2012, 12:41 PM   #6
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Loved the intro, and those really groovy drums during the clean bits.

And I kinda agree about the sweeps, the kinda dont fit in. Try using the same notes as the chords you are using, albeit a couple of octaves higher, and maybe add in an augmented 4th or a minor second here and there to add some dissonance. Or just harmonize the sweeps to give a really moody sound.

EDIT: Lyrics are well written if you ask me, but cant really judge without a vocal melody line to fit it to.

C4C?
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...d.php?t=1576445
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