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Old 01-30-2012, 05:08 PM   #1
thrash17
Metallica
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Yorktown Heights, New York
new song (opinions wanted)

backstory: writing a rock opera sort of thing. basing the whole album around a character. ideally, this would be the first song. anyways this isnt anywhere being done, but opinions are welcome. anyways thanks alot.
"She"
Another day wasted at the high school,
Some boring day is the general rule,
Another study hall lost in the bathroom,
Why must the kids be so cruel?

In the art class,
She's an angel in the clouds,
On top of the world, on the sun,
to make em all run,

(chorus) She says no way,
She just wants to end the day,
Looking forward to fallin asleep,
Yeah, shes a dreamer,
Dreaming for the next day,

Another day of cutting class,
Pulls another ciagarette out,
Hopes it'll all go by fast,
As she sits there regretting,

(chorus)

(bridge) She's a dreamer (She's a dreamer)
Not a thinker, (Not a thinker)
A pretender (Pretender)
One day she'll dance in the clouds,
Oh one day,

(chorus)

(Outro) One day she'll dance in the clouds,
Oh one day,
Oh one day (Repeat)

I know its a little rough and cliche, but this is just setting up the main character, the story gets better. anyways thank you for your time and opinions.
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Old 02-04-2012, 10:53 PM   #2
GuitarGuyFTW
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Join Date: Feb 2012
I really liked this and think a lot of young people could easily relate to it.
I think the best part of the song is the chorus as I always find it the hardest to write, but this is quite catchy.

So yeah, good job
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Old 02-06-2012, 07:33 PM   #3
schniepel89x
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
yeah, a bit cheesy but I like it because it's youthful and spontaneous. reminds me of Too Fast For Love-era Motley Crue, with songs like Public Enemy #1.
I can tell you're probably not a native English speaker. neither am I. you need to work a bit on your language though. remove the article "the" in the first line of the first verse and the first line of the second verse.
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Old 02-09-2012, 05:07 PM   #4
thrash17
Metallica
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Yorktown Heights, New York
haha, well im from america. i just dont really no the language i guess. haha.
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Old 03-26-2013, 12:55 PM   #5
thrash17
Metallica
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Yorktown Heights, New York
bump
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