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Old 08-06-2013, 12:09 AM   #1
5wFisher
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Join Date: Jul 2011
motherf***in' blues

I"m not myself
But I"ll write this down
I"m a loser
I'll make you frown
I've got these motherf***in' blues
I"m not messing around

I wish my glasses made me invisible
That wouldn't be terrible
I might actually feel invincible
Instead of motherf***in' blue

That's it for now. C4C?
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Old 08-11-2013, 08:09 PM   #2
21wickwing
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Location: USA
It has a straight to the point style which is something I particularly like. I think you need to expand this. You have some OK imagery but try telling a story. Like think "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" by George Thorogood. It is a giant story basically. Do that.

This has potential for a good story type of song. Break down specific scenes and note small ordinary details within the story to create a setting. What I like to do before creating a story-esque poem is read somebody like Edgar Allen Poe who mastered story-telling poems.

I would like to see the end result! Also, listen to some old school blues songs by Muddy Waters, Robert Johnson, John Lee Hooker... etc.
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Old 08-13-2013, 09:16 PM   #3
BeatlesFan789
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I like where this is going. I can just hear a powerful blues number in my head with phenomenal solos, killer bass, and crashing drums. Keep it up!
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Old 08-19-2013, 02:18 AM   #4
soundgarden6742
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I like it just how it is
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