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Old 08-18-2013, 12:37 PM   #1
rushmore
bblblubluewhale
 
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Join Date: Jan 2007
M.

I love your
brains
breasts &
smells.

Letís eat
sea turtle eggs
together,
like animals.

Iím afraid to come over
because the stuffed
alligator in your living
room frightens me to
death.
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Last edited by rushmore : 08-18-2013 at 12:47 PM.
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Old 08-18-2013, 02:50 PM   #2
#1 synth
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only two revisions i would make. i would flip brains and breasts just for sonics. i would also put room on the previous line or have a comma after it. having frightens start a line i think would be more impactful, but any way to have a pause there would really help the last two lines work better together.
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