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Old 05-22-2013, 10:57 PM   #1
Seb1uk
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Proggy Posthardcore/metalcore/djent? WIP (c4c)

Well I had a little break today from life to do a bit of songwriting and came up with this so far. There's a few things I wanna change, but I just wanted to upload what I've got so far before I go bed, hopefully with some feedback and fresh ears I can fix it up as well. Also, the 8/4 at the start was by accident but I couldn't be arsed to change it.

Obviously it's not finished yet, not sure what direction I'm taking with it. But tell me what you think!

c4c

EDIT: Been working on it on and off for the last week or so
EDIT: v14
EDIT: Got an ending now, got a bit side-tracked, but still working on it. v27
Attached Files
File Type: gp5 rock 307 v7.gp5 (75.4 KB, 367 views)
File Type: gp5 rock 307 v12.gp5 (116.6 KB, 77 views)
File Type: gp5 rock 307 v14.gp5 (123.9 KB, 132 views)
File Type: gp4 rock 307 v27 whole.gp4 (109.6 KB, 216 views)
File Type: zip rock 307 v27 whole.zip (20.1 KB, 56 views)
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Last edited by Seb1uk : 11-04-2013 at 04:12 PM.
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Old 05-23-2013, 12:11 PM   #2
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Dude this is something sweet right there, my only issue being I couldnt hear the tap guitar at the beginning.

The breakdown sounds a bit dull, the metalcore part sounds a bit as if you shoved it in there....it sorta doesnt fit, but seems to turn out nicely and actually flow well into the initial concept of the song.

The coda was fantastic I gotta say, ended a bit by surprise but it was good.

8/10 mang!

And ahh if you dont mind....*hint hint*

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...d.php?t=1602109
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Old 05-26-2013, 02:03 AM   #3
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This is amazing... Holy shit. I'd like to talk to you for music theory advice you're incredible...
My song isn't even half as good so im not gonna bother asking you to look hahaha. I'd love to hear this recorded.
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Old 05-26-2013, 07:41 PM   #4
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The song is very well constructed, but I think the drums are a bit to unpractical. There's nothing wrong with them, it's just a lot happening at once. Definitely very hard to play.

This really reminded me a lot like a lighter-Periphery song. It has a bit more of a core element to it, but the leads and guitar fills (and the riff tails) are very reminiscent I think. The only issue I have is the chord on bar 148. Just doesn't sound right to me.

Great song though, it was interesting and kept my attention throughout. Sorely needs vocals, though, as they would put this over the top in my opinion.

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...d.php?t=1603125

C4C?
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Old 06-02-2013, 04:05 AM   #5
Seb1uk
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Sorry I haven't critted back yet, kinda loving life in Spain right now but I'll be back later next week. But thanks for the kind words!

Oh and MozartZaila I don't think your talk with me on music theory would be very interesting considering I don't really have any theory ha.
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Last edited by Seb1uk : 06-02-2013 at 04:07 AM.
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Old 06-18-2013, 08:02 PM   #6
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dude, this is really good sounding. i have high standards when it comes to my taste in music, and this certainly meets them. the metalcore part wasnts honestly very metalcore, it was more like prog metal, which isnt a bad thing! my only complaints are: the bass is a tad bland, the drums sound a little unorganized, and the heavy parts seem a little lacking, maybe in heaviness, though idk if that was what you were trying to go for. all in all, id give it maybe an 8-8.5/10. i hope to hear the full version soon! in the meantime, maybe you can tell me what you think of one of my incomplete tabs
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File Type: gp5 O brave new world.gp5 (116.9 KB, 59 views)
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Old 06-22-2013, 02:48 AM   #7
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This is sweet dude. I shit bricks during the first 5/4 measure. Never in my life have I gotten so pumped from a gp file.
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Old 07-09-2013, 05:09 AM   #8
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Everything up to bar 97 is gold, dude. Very reminiscent of Dance Gavin Dance. I'd ditch the metalcore part though.
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Old 07-10-2013, 01:57 AM   #9
pAWNlol
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jld8111
Never in my life have I gotten so pumped from a gp file.

dude, thats exactly how i felt. i actually found myself searching for this tab just so i could listen to it
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Old 07-10-2013, 02:05 PM   #10
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Sounds really damn nice. The intro is super cute, the 5/4 tap pattern was a nice touch. Verse/postverse very distinctively post-hardcore, you have the emotion and hook going for you, take advantage of it - because after that it kind of goes in a direction I didn't want it to go. The groove verse has good potential, but the metalcore bit just feels out of place. The mood it induces just flies in the face of all the cute stuff you have before hand. Chorus seems to be going good though. Keep at it. And yeah, my main advice is that you have a great foundation up to the bridge, use it to your advantage.
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Old 07-10-2013, 06:42 PM   #11
Seb1uk
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I know I haven't returned any crits yet, started a full time job now and I don't get much time to myself now, but I'm just saying I definitely will return the crits at some point soon!

Didn't actually realise people were still checking this out, but I had been working on it on and off for the last week and I've got a new version up now. I know I haven't taken into account any comments, but I've only just looked at this now. But general consensus seems that I should just split this into two separate songs essentially.

Also on v12 kinda ignore what happens at the end of that just because I'm working on it still. And the riff at the end is what I wanted to get into the song at some point.

Thanks for the comments though!
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Last edited by Seb1uk : 07-10-2013 at 06:50 PM.
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Old 07-17-2013, 02:47 PM   #12
Seb1uk
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pAWNlol
dude, this is really good sounding. i have high standards when it comes to my taste in music, and this certainly meets them. the metalcore part wasnts honestly very metalcore, it was more like prog metal, which isnt a bad thing! my only complaints are: the bass is a tad bland, the drums sound a little unorganized, and the heavy parts seem a little lacking, maybe in heaviness, though idk if that was what you were trying to go for. all in all, id give it maybe an 8-8.5/10. i hope to hear the full version soon! in the meantime, maybe you can tell me what you think of one of my incomplete tabs


The intro solo made me think of some Zelda metal tune ha, I liked it though. But I think everything the intro lets down the rest of the song, because I quite a lot of the rest of the song - like the chords in the verse and the chorus was pretty sick too. The pre-chorus breakdown was kinda generic but I still thought it was sick. The speedy bridge had to be one of my favourite sections. I thought you could do a lot more with the acoustic bit though, that was a bit of a let down.

But still man, nice one.

Also, small update on what I've got so far if anyone was still curious. It's v14, and I'm not happy with either of the new transitions I've been put in at the end so I'm gonna change it.
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Old 08-13-2013, 07:18 PM   #13
Seb1uk
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So Ive got an ending to this piece now, check out v27. A lot of the last few sections still need work, but it's just nice to have a complete piece right now.

It'd be nice to get some feedback please!
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Old 11-04-2013, 10:52 AM   #14
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critting as i listen

intro : standard stuff nice dynamics between the instruments , might be a bit to much when this is recorded since it sounds kinda cluttered in gp , but that depends on how you handle it in a real recording i geuss.

enter distortion :
i dont think all your rhytms are working here since it kinda goes against the "metronome" but what you have sounds good , though this might have to do something with gp6 to gp4 , so it might actually be just fine but not playing correctly in gp6

verse : ok your drums stopped working here for me for some reason and cant get it to work anymore , something to do with the fact that i use gp 6 i guess , so without the drums its kinda not working for me anymore.

so i stopped listening here since i cant really comment on it without the drums since its a very important part that can change the dynamics and sound big time , i hope you can fix this so i can comment on the rest of the song , and yes all versions have this problem for me , and adding a new drum and copy pasting it to that doesnt work either.

Last edited by MobiuZ : 11-04-2013 at 10:54 AM.
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Old 11-04-2013, 01:24 PM   #15
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That was a crazy 9 minutes. I really like it but it'd sound a million times better without the "metalcore" part - or if there was a better transition into it - just feels like someone accidentally copied and pasted it in. Tone down the pedal riffing bit and it'd be good on its own song, I reckon.

10/10 would listen again
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Old 11-04-2013, 04:14 PM   #16
Seb1uk
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Thanks again guys.

Mobiuz have a listen to the midi in the zip file if you could please, as I'm more interested to see what people think of the latter half, and whether the ending is satisfying or not.

allthatichug: Not sure what the pedal riffing bit is if I'm honest ha. But by the sounds of it, it seems no one likes the Metalcore part at all. Guess I'll work on a substitute section to bridge the rest of the song then.
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Old 11-05-2013, 10:47 AM   #17
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ok im just going to crit this again since in midi it works like it should

anyway i wont comment on individual sections since im pretty lazy and it felt like a consistent piece where eveything flowed well and connected well so ill just comment it as a whole

i love the different chords u use and the variation from part to part , and i dont think i heard anything returning nor a repeating structure , though on the other hand after listeining to it once i dont remember anything that i heard , there is no melody that stuck with me.

so as a whole its great , but not memerable for me , though of course this could change 100% if i heard a real recording of it or with lyrics/story to overlap the whole thing together.

but i do commend u for your skill at writing something like this and still coming out the other end of it all to make sense.

so i guess for me the weak point is not having a "solid" structure or consistent melody , but strangely enough this is also its strong point , its complicated though , but complicated doesnt allways equal quality , at least for me.

i feel like it misses direction , i dont know if u have a overlapping story or idea what this song is about , if you dont , that might be the missing link in the writing process.

8/10

Last edited by MobiuZ : 11-05-2013 at 10:57 AM.
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Old 11-11-2013, 02:25 PM   #18
Seb1uk
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MobiuZ
ok im just going to crit this again since in midi it works like it should

anyway i wont comment on individual sections since im pretty lazy and it felt like a consistent piece where eveything flowed well and connected well so ill just comment it as a whole

i love the different chords u use and the variation from part to part , and i dont think i heard anything returning nor a repeating structure , though on the other hand after listeining to it once i dont remember anything that i heard , there is no melody that stuck with me.

so as a whole its great , but not memerable for me , though of course this could change 100% if i heard a real recording of it or with lyrics/story to overlap the whole thing together.

but i do commend u for your skill at writing something like this and still coming out the other end of it all to make sense.

so i guess for me the weak point is not having a "solid" structure or consistent melody , but strangely enough this is also its strong point , its complicated though , but complicated doesnt allways equal quality , at least for me.

i feel like it misses direction , i dont know if u have a overlapping story or idea what this song is about , if you dont , that might be the missing link in the writing process.

8/10


Thanks man. I think the only kind-of returning bits are the intro where the distortion kicks in, and the same after the clean break about half way through. Same rhythm, almost, and a couple of the same chords.

And fair enough if nothing stuck with you, I was kinda hoping some of the chorus-y kinda bits with a lead melody would be a bit catchy, but maybe not. I feel like there is a story to it, but not one that I planned for ha.
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