Go Back   UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com > UG Community > The Pit
User Name  
Password
Search:

Reply
Old 01-04-2014, 08:25 PM   #1441
ultrasonic
That Weird Weird Guy
 
ultrasonic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Preston, UK
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harvey Swick
well, its not terrible. some of the stuff doesnt make sense to me. like guy 1 & 2 doing shrooms with Jack, and why would the petrol station attendant tell the robbers that he called the cops?


Both good points. I was thinking the mushrooms were more about food than their intent to get high, and that it was merely an unfortunate consequence. Maybe I could make that clearer.

As for the other point, it was more, they saw him press the button so he couldn't really deny it.

I'm planning on going through and reviewing what I have so far, re-writing and addressing a few problems so I'll sort them out.

Either way, considering I'm merely doing this as a project in my spare time and I have no experience with screenwriting outside of it being a hobby, I'm taking not terrible as a terrific compliment Thanks for your words.
__________________
ultrasonic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2014, 09:03 PM   #1442
CynicalOptimist
Oral sex
 
CynicalOptimist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Just wanted to drop this here, it is my tumblr writing blog. One poem up as of now, probably aiming for one or two poems a week. Only one poem up now, criticism?

http://yesthisisadam.tumblr.com/
CynicalOptimist is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-23-2014, 01:54 AM   #1443
heavyairship
'uckin with your shi'
 
heavyairship's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: The Angry Dome
Hello writing thread. I would like to start writing short stories but since I've never written anything before I thought I would stop by and ask for tips/things to avoid/things to make sure to do ect...

Any advice?
__________________
Emerse your soul in love

You used to be alright
What happened?



Yellow tigers crouched in jungles in her Dark Eyes .
heavyairship is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-23-2014, 02:48 AM   #1444
ozzyismetal
UG's thingamajig
 
ozzyismetal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Australia. Mate.
Quote:
Originally Posted by heavyairship
Hello writing thread. I would like to start writing short stories but since I've never written anything before I thought I would stop by and ask for tips/things to avoid/things to make sure to do ect...

Any advice?

Biggest mistake is to edit as you go. Just write, let everything out. Editing is for later, you risk losing interest if you keep trying to correct mid-writing.

Also, for short stories don't fall into the trap of thinking too big. Short stories are usually a look into a moment in time rather than a sprawling recount of events over a period.
__________________

pretentious small text, right justified signature
also UG's musical theatre nerd
show

Last edited by ozzyismetal : 01-23-2014 at 02:49 AM.
ozzyismetal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-23-2014, 04:18 AM   #1445
heavyairship
'uckin with your shi'
 
heavyairship's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: The Angry Dome
Quote:
Originally Posted by ozzyismetal
Biggest mistake is to edit as you go. Just write, let everything out. Editing is for later, you risk losing interest if you keep trying to correct mid-writing.


I'm guilty of doing this when I try to write songs for an album. I keep changing things before I finish and eventually I've changed so much that I've lost my direction and it all comes to nothing.

Good advice. I'll try to watch out for this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ozzyismetal
Also, for short stories don't fall into the trap of thinking too big. Short stories are usually a look into a moment in time rather than a sprawling recount of events over a period.


Okay, you've convinced me to start on a story I had that I thought was too long. Next question: shall I plan it out and make a storyboard of sorts or should I just start writing and see where it leads me?
__________________
Emerse your soul in love

You used to be alright
What happened?



Yellow tigers crouched in jungles in her Dark Eyes .
heavyairship is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-23-2014, 05:07 AM   #1446
ozzyismetal
UG's thingamajig
 
ozzyismetal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Australia. Mate.
Quote:
Originally Posted by heavyairship
Okay, you've convinced me to start on a story I had that I thought was too long. Next question: shall I plan it out and make a storyboard of sorts or should I just start writing and see where it leads me?

This is the part where it's different for everyone. I've had success in just laying out a brief structure, just thinking where I want to start, where I want to end up and the overall themes. But then again, some of my favourite stuff has come from a stream of consciousness style where I just put pen to paper on a vague idea and didn't stop until I'd written the final full stop (of the first draft).

Really, it's whatever feels organic to you on this project. Do you feel like you have a good sense of all the themes and overall structure of the idea? If so, just write. If you need something to stop you spinning off the rails in terms of progression and themes, a quick paragraph does wonders.
__________________

pretentious small text, right justified signature
also UG's musical theatre nerd
show
ozzyismetal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-23-2014, 05:45 AM   #1447
Harvey Swick
UGs Token Native American
 
Harvey Swick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: A Land Of Bitter Desperation
Quote:
Originally Posted by ultrasonic

Either way, considering I'm merely doing this as a project in my spare time and I have no experience with screenwriting outside of it being a hobby, I'm taking not terrible as a terrific compliment Thanks for your words.


it was definitely interesting enough to keep my attention to the end. i may have enjoyed it a bit more than most, being a Waits fan. i even listened to the song while i read your piece, just to get the vibe.
it was a very nice experience, so i hope you keep up with your writing!
__________________

I often create feelings in others that they themselves do not understand.
Harvey Swick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-2014, 07:38 AM   #1448
wardyh
Registered User
 
wardyh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Hi guys. I've never written a screenplay before but I'm working on one my university dissertation and I'd like to get some feedback and criticism on the ideas I've had for it so far. It will be a 15 minute short drama film, but I'm concerned that my plot is too complicated and also somewhat predictable/cliche. I just need to know if it's worth perservering, and if so, how I can make it more engaging. This is the plot outline:

Isaac, late 20s, is a struggling writer plagued by a recurring dream in which he ducks and weaves through a crowd surging along a busy high street, desperately trying to reach someone or something on the other side. Just as he approaches the edge, he wakes up. After seeking the solace of his friend Lily, Isaac discovers that by writing down the events of the dream, he is able to delve progressively further into it and elucidate hidden details. Ultimately, he discovers that he has been attempting to reach Lily, who absent-mindedly steps off the curb at the end of the street and falls into oncoming traffic. Isaac realises that he is finally overcoming his writer's block and, spurred on by Lily, begins to transform the dream journal into a tragic love story, but feelings of deja vu begin to haunt him every step of the way. Oddly specific details from the story start to manifest in Isaac's world, and as the lines between fiction and reality blur further, Isaac becomes convinced that his story, as he writes it, is coming true. This mounting paranoia leads to a vicious argument with Lily, who storms off. Isaac, now in a state of complete panic, destroys the unfinished script and chases after Lily, bent on saving her from the tragic fate he believes with befall her. In a mirroring of the events of the dream, Isaac reaches Lily just as she steps into traffic and dives in front of a speeding car, saving them both with inches to spare. As Isaac gets to his feet, Lily (in a state of shock and confusion) stumbles backwards into the next lane of traffic. An approaching car slams on the brakes and just as it is about to hit Lily, the screen cuts to black.

That's what I have so far! I'd appreciate any and all feedback and if you can help me improve it in any way, that would be amazing. Thanks!
__________________
Check out my band White Elephant Emporium
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/WhiteElephantEmporium?ref=hl
Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/whiteelephantemporium
Bandcamp: http://whiteelephantband.bandcamp.com/

Last edited by wardyh : 01-24-2014 at 07:45 AM.
wardyh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-25-2014, 10:17 AM   #1449
heavyairship
'uckin with your shi'
 
heavyairship's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: The Angry Dome
Well, it turns out that story is going to be a long one. I'm a couple thousand words into it and I've only just got the plot set up.

Even though I have no idea what I'm doing I must say I'm enjoying it immensely!

I've noticed this thread hasn't been too active lately. Anyone else working on something exciting? If so, care to give a summary? I'll do mine later.
__________________
Emerse your soul in love

You used to be alright
What happened?



Yellow tigers crouched in jungles in her Dark Eyes .
heavyairship is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-25-2014, 04:41 PM   #1450
ultrasonic
That Weird Weird Guy
 
ultrasonic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Preston, UK
Short piece of fiction, if not an expansive metaphor for the witch hunt culture we seem to have found ourselves in here in britain
Attached Files
File Type: zip Into The Wild by Liam White.zip (23.8 KB, 1 views)
__________________
ultrasonic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-25-2014, 06:25 PM   #1451
BladeSlinger
UG's Master
 
BladeSlinger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Okmulgee/Tahlequah, Oklahoma
I agreed to do a few short stories for a fan made project I'm involved with. They'll basically be Warhammer 40k fanfics but two to three pages. I have experience with writing eight to ten page stories but not with so few pages.

For those who aren't familiar, it's basically just a scifi universe with post-human, genetically engineered badass. Humanity is all dystopian and fighting off aliens and shit. I want to start with a character low in command maybe work him up. I'm not sure how to go about such a compressed story since I haven't done it before.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by cemges
And tell, how come you became idiot enough

Quote:
Originally Posted by captainsnazz
brot pls
BladeSlinger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-27-2014, 10:27 AM   #1452
heavyairship
'uckin with your shi'
 
heavyairship's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: The Angry Dome
Quote:
Originally Posted by ultrasonic
Short piece of fiction, if not an expansive metaphor for the witch hunt culture we seem to have found ourselves in here in britain


Hey I read your story. I'm no expert and I don't really have any experience to speak of but I'm an avid reader and I've been writing songs for several years so here is my take on it for what it's worth.

I thought the last 3-4 pages flowed very well and I liked the way you used repeated words and phrases to emphasize the themes of different sections but...

I didn't really get the main characters motivation for doing what he did. It seemed like the story was being told as it happened in which case I feel like the character should be really into what he's doing at the beginning and then gradually become horrified with it. But it seemed like he was never really on board with it to begin with.

Overall I liked it. I like that you wrote something that actually means something to you. I hope I have the skill to do that one day.

I'm writing a story about a guy who needs to recover a lost artifact in order to redeem a mistake his grandfather made years ago. His grandfathers arch enemy is also after this artifact and they race around the world to get a hold of it. At least that's what it is right now. I'm going to try to just finish it and then make whatever changes I need to once I have the story laid out.
__________________
Emerse your soul in love

You used to be alright
What happened?



Yellow tigers crouched in jungles in her Dark Eyes .
heavyairship is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-16-2014, 07:33 PM   #1453
ultrasonic
That Weird Weird Guy
 
ultrasonic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Preston, UK
Just conceived and wrote a fair chunk of a new one act play, regarding my own reworking and retelling of the story of Exodus and I've only just arrived at the notion it might really offend some people. Basically, it goes a little something like this:

Moses doesn't really talk to god, he just talks to a group of local children playing around with him, however he unwittingly takes it as being real, confronts the Egyptians and it results in him being killed.

Is it worth carrying on with, or am I just going to get murdered in my sleep?

On a side note, considering the completely other direction, I might just send it to the West Boro Baptist Church. They say any press is good press right? They might just picket my life. Infamy is better than no famy, surely?
__________________
ultrasonic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-16-2014, 11:33 PM   #1454
heavyairship
'uckin with your shi'
 
heavyairship's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: The Angry Dome
Quote:
Originally Posted by ultrasonic
Just conceived and wrote a fair chunk of a new one act play, regarding my own reworking and retelling of the story of Exodus and I've only just arrived at the notion it might really offend some people. Basically, it goes a little something like this:

Moses doesn't really talk to god, he just talks to a group of local children playing around with him, however he unwittingly takes it as being real, confronts the Egyptians and it results in him being killed.

Is it worth carrying on with, or am I just going to get murdered in my sleep?

On a side note, considering the completely other direction, I might just send it to the West Boro Baptist Church. They say any press is good press right? They might just picket my life. Infamy is better than no famy, surely?



It would offend people if you removed God from the story or if you implied that He couldn't keep His promises. But both of those things together, no God and things going badly, there shouldn't be a problem from Christians. Jewish people on the other hand might not be too happy about Moses being made to look like a fool.

The two important things in that story are Moses being called by God and Moses leading Israel out of Egypt; if you are changing those two things than why not just change the character from Moses to some other guy and avoid the controversy?

If this is a comedy then you're pretty much guaranteed to make somebody angry no matter what you do.
__________________
Emerse your soul in love

You used to be alright
What happened?



Yellow tigers crouched in jungles in her Dark Eyes .
heavyairship is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:29 AM.

Forum Archives / About / Terms of Use / Advertise / Contact / Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2014
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.